Always very close, but sex on/off again (guilt)

We were both married to others when we met, but my husband had already asked me for divorce once, and my marriage soon ended. This man had moved very far (Washington) from his family and told me he hadn’t slept with his wife in a few years so they were essentially separated when we met.

Well this man and I started sleeping together. He was extremely into me, that’s for sure. But Eventually I started asking why he wouldn’t post us on Instagram or call me his GF. He explained that in his Muslim culture you do not date. A few times he’d stop sleeping with me and say he just wanted to be a person my child, and his child, could be proud of. Then he would lapse back. Then he started asking if I would convert to Islam (I certainly would) and saying we shouldn’t be sleeping together. Then we’d do it again. Finally he says he can’t keep sinning with sex outside of marriage.

he says he is very torn up over breaking apart his family/changing his family forever and thought he could just move on but can’t. He has been spending literally all his time alone (I guess that’s easier now in a pandemic) except for having me, and sometimes my young child, over. He wants to see me multiple times every week. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t contact me a few times a day, and he says I’m very special and no one else ever has or will set foot in his house.

now where do I stand? I want to be more than friends, But certainly it seems he only wants to be friends, even though he does NOT want me to date anyone else. but I can’t help but feel it’s more special because of the frequency of contact and that this person truly chooses not to see or spend time with anyone else, male or female, whatsoever.

He is married.

Is that not enough for you to not want anything more to do with him?

He is a hypocrite at best.

He is married and saying you can’t date anyone?

Don’t listen to his lies!

He is still married and an absent father to his children. He is cheating on his wife who, for all you know, doesn't know what he has been up to with you. He is a hypocrite as far as religion goes and all he cares is what other people might say if his deeds are exposed. The fact that there is no one else he is cheating on his wife with does not make him some kind of hero.

You have seen who he is. He is someone who has no real respect for the institution of marriage nor for parental obligations. In my opinion, if you were to take his wife's place, in time you would be treated the same. Whatever you do, at this point you will be making an informed choice. My personal observation has been that whenever you see someone mistreating other people, it's only a matter of time before they do the same to you if you choose to keep them close around.

He has been spending literally all his time alone (I guess that’s easier now in a pandemic) except for having me, and sometimes my young child, over. He wants to see me multiple times every week.

We are in the middle of a pandemic and almost everywhere is subject to lockdown orders, so why are you going over to his house at all, particularly with your kid? Of course that's what he wants you to do, because he's bored. Use the lockdown as your excuse to say you won't be seeing him and he can use the time to think about what he's doing to you and his wife.

He certainly comes off as a creep , using his “culture” as an excuse.

Sorry but muslims don’t date??

But they are ok to have sex with non muslims while married?

Just stop already. And stop breaking current lockdown restrictions to visit him.

You have no idea who is coming over to his place , when you and your child aren’t?

Sounds like you are being completely manipulated.

You jumped from your marriage to this guy. Which I think may have caused you to transfer feelings or at the very least not develop the ability to be alone and stand on your own two feet.

You're making bad decisions for you and your child.

Get away from this man. He is not doing you any favors.

Why would you convert for him? Is he legally divorced? You seem like fwb.

Currently he says after a 12-year marriage (with kids), he feels he doesn't believe in love and won't trust anyone ever again

he's not ready for commitment, and he needs to deal with his issues after such a long marriage in his own time.

You are his FWB.

This guy is married and is a hypocrite. I hope that you are not converting for him?

He is no prize. Set a better example for your child!

It may be helpful to ask yourself what you find attractive about a married man who is clearly displaying his disloyalty towards his wife.

Since he obviously doesn't care about the woman he exchanged vows with, where do see the prize here?

I'm sorry but your post kind of doesn't make sense...You're literally willing to convert to a religion (which is a big deal) for someone that doesn't even acknowledge you as his girlfriend! Don't you think that's a bad move?