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Thread: Difficult situation

  1. #1
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    Difficult situation

    Hello. I am a 21 year old male who has been suffering from severe acne for the past 9 years. Here you can see pictures from different parts of my body affected by acne: ibb.co/album/exJ7GF
    This thing has affected me pretty bad and I am in a tough spot. I have been on accutane and doxycicline but they only worked while I was on them. I took them in more cicles of a few months eqch. I am about to end my last year of bachelor.
    This thing has ruined my life so far. I feel really low because it makes me feel very inferior. Naturally, I am quite a shy and introverted person and this thing has made things a lot worse.
    Something that has been on my mind alot is that the acne makes me feel totally unattractive which is fair considering how bad I look. But it just frustrates me a lot that I am not able to become my best version because this thing not only affects my love life but other aspects of my life.
    I have totally given up on the thought of having a relationship because acne makes me feel very repulsed towards myself which is normal when you look how bad it looks. There is no way I will feel comfortable next to someone looking the way I look right now.
    Considering that it didn't go away until now it will probably last more years and then I will also have other scars which look worse than normal acne.
    All I want right now is to be able to obtain a good living and just be alone but this affected my mindfulness also, I find it difficult to focus on studies and work. I never feel fully relaxed or at peace.
    When I saw that Accutane didn't work I just totally gave up, I will never go to dermatologists again, they just want to rip you off. I just want to know how to deal with this so I can start focusing on other things like money, success because it's clear that the relationships parts is over for me. Even if I will finally get cured in like 10-15 years from now on I have swore to myself that I will never date because I have already been ripped off the most beautiful period of a person's life which is youth.
    Please don't start telling me that I'm wrong and acne is a small issue or other bull. I'd like to hear some advice on how to cope with it in order to focus on studies and work even if it will be hard.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Okay man I have one big gripe with your post and Iím going to get it off of my chest straight away:

    ď I have already been ripped off the most beautiful period of a person's life which is youth.Ē

    Iím 43 and without a doubt my life is richer, fuller and more loving than Iíve ever been aware of. Notice I didnít say ďbetter than itís ever BEEN,Ē because it has always been this amazing...I just had to develop my ability to see deeper and deeper layers of beauty in this life. Look, all Iím saying is donít knock us old folks 😉 But seriously, when you said the best part of your life is passed I had to chuckle to myself a little...because there is SO much more to come for you. Youíre asking about what attitudes you can take to maximize whatís coming your way - so that is a smart and proactive approach and I have a feeling youíre going to really catch your stride *if* thatís really what you choose to do.

    Anyways, as with all things in life itís my opinion that HOW you approach them is more important than what you do. In other words, if your spirit is positive and resolute, you will find the solutions you need. If you have decided that romance is hopeless for you, that is your choice and it is legitimate. I think itís a misguided choice, but thatís none of my business. That decision youíve made is the WHAT and itís *your* life so donít let anybody tell you itís a ďwrongĒ choice. The HOW is: do you choose to be bitter and sad, or do you genuinely release any attachment to dating and women and redirect all of that energy to positive outlets? Llike studies and career as you mentioned.

    Focusing on the physical aspects that you CAN control, like your cardiovascular health and your physique will help you to find balance around your appearance. In school, my three part advice is always the same to everyone: 1. Buy the books 2. Show up EVERY CLASS and 3. Sit in the front of the room. For work, I say aim high and focus on resilience. In addition to the thrill of a promotion or praise for a project that exceeds expectations you will face so many challenges and failures in your professional life. If you decide firmly that you will grow from them as opposed to considering them setbacks it will help you expand your experience and become successful!

    Best wishes!!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. My advice about this remains the same: [Register to see the link]

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Try making a virtual appointment with a nutritionist and clean up your diet. Your skin is reflective of what you feed it. Eliminate all processed food, white flour products, sugar, artificial sweeteners, artificial colors, preservatives, flavorings, MSG, natural flavorings, hydrolozied proteins, factory food, convenience food, fast food, junk food, snacks, sweets / desserts and all bad, dairy, saturated fats, caffeine, alcohol, boxed, frozen, canned food, food high in sodium, unhealthy food and don't do recreational drugs (if you do). Drink more water.

    Examine what you eat from the time you get up to the time you go to bed.

    Turn into a rabbit and eat a lot of vegetables.

    Do you get enough Vit D and Vit D sunshine and fresh air?

    Have you tried Differin gel and asked your doctor about it? It's not for everyone but was wondering if you had tried it or asked your doctor about this topical ointment which used to be prescription but it's now OTC.

    Hang in there. You're only 21 years old! You're still so young.

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  6. #5
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    I TOTALLY hear you! I've had acne since I was ten years old and I'm 35! Of course I am not a doctor of any kind and I'm not you, but I do have some good news for you, I think. One good news is that I don't think you've actually used every single treatment that there is available for acne.

    When I first got acne, that was back in 1995 and they didn't really have many treatments for it, if any. Now a lot more acne treatments have been invented and continue to be invented. One day acne may even be able to be fully cured, who knows! And good news is you are still young so you will really reap the benefits of these new treatments being invented in future.

    I had very bad pustular acne all through my teenage years and most of my 20's too. In my teens I also tried Accutane and it also only worked while I was on it. Afterwards the acne just came back. I also used some female hormonal acne treatments like contraceptive pill and some other thing which I don't remember the name of. The pill worked but also only while I took it. I'm a woman so obviously you can't use these lol The other medication gave me severe side effects.

    I'm sure you've heard that there has been found a link between consuming dairy products and acne. Many years ago I cut out drinking cows milk. Since then I only drink almond milk. I don't eat a lot of cheese and just eat a bit of probiotic yoghurts. My acne actually did improve since switching to almond milk. If you don't like almond milk, there is oat milk, rice milk, soy milk, you name it.

    Also it's been speculated that acne is an autoimmune inflammatory disease. So it's been suggested that food intolerances might cause it. I'm mildly gluten intolerant so I eat minimal gluten. I think that's helped my acne too. Also high blood sugar levels can spike acne. I try to eat as little sugar as possible. My acne has improved since all this. I'm not 100% sure if diet was the sole reason but even a small improvement is still good. I recommend you see a dietician to help with a good diet to try to clear the skin.

    Also another thing I've noticed is that after my mid 20's my acne began to slowly improve. I think it's because my hormones were playing up while I was younger (tests found high testosterone). Then as you get older, your hormones calm down more. That's why you don't see as many people in their 30's and older with acne.

    I also know that there are treatments like blue light therapy to get into the acne bacteria and kill it. I never tried it myself but you could ask a dermatologist regarding this. You can definitely get rid of scarring once the acne is gone. I regularly use an alpha hydroxy acid low strength peel at home. It gets rid of the dead skin layer, clears bacteria and makes new skin grow. My acne scars are already becoming less. Also you can use microdermabrasion and laser to gradually get rid of acne scars. These techniques usually do work. I didn't do laser but I've done microdermabrasion and peels. I got good results from them. I also use a retinol cream that smoothes your skin.

    Also just to add, I don't think dermatologists are deliberately trying to rip you off. They're suggesting treatments to you which are known to work. But in your case they didn't completely work. Accutane didn't work for me either but I never thought that the dermatologist was trying to scam me or anything.

    I think you need to keep trying more things before you say nothing works. You've only tried two things so that's hardly all that is actually available.

    I'd like to add too that just because you have acne doesn't mean that nobody would want to date you. As I said already, I had big pustular acne since I was ten years old. But I was dating and I didn't let the acne stop me. By my late 20's I'd been in a few two year relationships. I had acne all that time keep in mind.

    Also I'm a disability support worker and even some people I work with who were in a wheelchair or had a scarred face and what not, still found a partner. Not every single person is shallow and cares only about looks. Yes many people are, but some aren't. I think you don't know if you can actually find a partner because you have never tried. So literally you have no idea at this stage if you'd find someone or not. Because you already decided that you wouldn't before you ever tried.

    Good luck!!

    P.S. Don't actually follow any of my advice unless you talk to a qualified dermatologist lol
    Last edited by Tinydance; 04-19-2020 at 12:07 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Try Spironolactone. This helped me with my adult acne. Itís very inexpensive and effective.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    Okay man I have one big gripe with your post and Iím going to get it off of my chest straight away:

    ď I have already been ripped off the most beautiful period of a person's life which is youth.Ē

    Iím 43 and without a doubt my life is richer, fuller and more loving than Iíve ever been aware of. Notice I didnít say ďbetter than itís ever BEEN,Ē because it has always been this amazing...I just had to develop my ability to see deeper and deeper layers of beauty in this life. Look, all Iím saying is donít knock us old folks 😉 But seriously, when you said the best part of your life is passed I had to chuckle to myself a little...because there is SO much more to come for you. Youíre asking about what attitudes you can take to maximize whatís coming your way - so that is a smart and proactive approach and I have a feeling youíre going to really catch your stride *if* thatís really what you choose to do.

    Anyways, as with all things in life itís my opinion that HOW you approach them is more important than what you do. In other words, if your spirit is positive and resolute, you will find the solutions you need. If you have decided that romance is hopeless for you, that is your choice and it is legitimate. I think itís a misguided choice, but thatís none of my business. That decision youíve made is the WHAT and itís *your* life so donít let anybody tell you itís a ďwrongĒ choice. The HOW is: do you choose to be bitter and sad, or do you genuinely release any attachment to dating and women and redirect all of that energy to positive outlets? Llike studies and career as you mentioned.

    Focusing on the physical aspects that you CAN control, like your cardiovascular health and your physique will help you to find balance around your appearance. In school, my three part advice is always the same to everyone: 1. Buy the books 2. Show up EVERY CLASS and 3. Sit in the front of the room. For work, I say aim high and focus on resilience. In addition to the thrill of a promotion or praise for a project that exceeds expectations you will face so many challenges and failures in your professional life. If you decide firmly that you will grow from them as opposed to considering them setbacks it will help you expand your experience and become successful!

    Best wishes!!
    Honestly, do you think that I would be able to live a happy life without romance? Since humans' entire existence revolves around sex: we want to make more money to attract more and better women, we want to look good for the same reason etc etc.
    Right now I just feel hopeless. This acne has totally destroyed me as a person. I feel disgusting because I look disgusting, I don't ever feel good in my own skin. Since it's been so long I think I got used to looking like a loser and behaving like a loser.
    I have thought and sometimes still think about suicide. But since I'm a major pu$$y anyway that's not likely to happen. Sometimes I just hope I won't wake up anymore

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by fspro10
    Honestly, do you think that I would be able to live a happy life without romance? Since humans' entire existence revolves around sex: we want to make more money to attract more and better women, we want to look good for the same reason etc etc.
    Right now I just feel hopeless. This acne has totally destroyed me as a person. I feel disgusting because I look disgusting, I don't ever feel good in my own skin. Since it's been so long I think I got used to looking like a loser and behaving like a loser.
    I have thought and sometimes still think about suicide. But since I'm a major pu$$y anyway that's not likely to happen. Sometimes I just hope I won't wake up anymore
    Well in that case I also think that if you can afford it or access it for free, you should see a counsellor. You have a lot of psychological issues relating to having acne. I won't argue with you that having something physical you struggle with would greatly affect your life. But if it's to the point of suicide then I really think you should seek therapy. Self-esteem also can be worked on. I used to have horrific self-esteem when I was younger and allowed people to treat me bad, but it got much better over time.

    I noticed you ignored my post. Is it because I was trying to be positive and what I said and saying you still have options and solutions? Are you actually willing to try to get more treatments or are you just going to give up? You're only 21. Your whole life is still ahead of you. I think you need to make a choice as to whether you actually want to do something about it, or to continue being miserable.

    Also I've noticed that people get less shallow as you get older. I have some acne still and scarring and I'm about 12 kg overwrought. Sorry don't know in pounds. But I'm dating people and it's going OK. I was even engaged. Not every person lools perfect with skin as smooth as a baby's bottom. We're all human and we have flaws. Everyone is worried about something regarding their appearance.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well in that case I also think that if you can afford it or access it for free, you should see a counsellor. You have a lot of psychological issues relating to having acne. I won't argue with you that having something physical you struggle with would greatly affect your life. But if it's to the point of suicide then I really think you should seek therapy. Self-esteem also can be worked on. I used to have horrific self-esteem when I was younger and allowed people to treat me bad, but it got much better over time.

    I noticed you ignored my post. Is it because I was trying to be positive and what I said and saying you still have options and solutions? Are you actually willing to try to get more treatments or are you just going to give up? You're only 21. Your whole life is still ahead of you. I think you need to make a choice as to whether you actually want to do something about it, or to continue being miserable.

    Also I've noticed that people get less shallow as you get older. I have some acne still and scarring and I'm about 12 kg overwrought. Sorry don't know in pounds. But I'm dating people and it's going OK. I was even engaged. Not every person lools perfect with skin as smooth as a baby's bottom. We're all human and we have flaws. Everyone is worried about something regarding their appearance.
    I've read your post. I had given up already. I am not willing to try any treatments anymore.
    Regarding the link between diet and acne, I think it's 0. I mean I have seen drug addicts who eat trash food and they have perfect skin. I never consume lots of junk food, just occasionally. And when acne started showing up when I was like 11-12 my junk food intake was 0. I have a balanced diet. I eat milk, eggs, chicken, vegetables.. Oh and I don't do drugs ever,maybe alcohol sometimes but very rarely.
    This acne thing has affected me so much that I don't even want clear skin anymore. I just got used to it. As I said in my thread I am looking for ways to cope with this in order to be able to focus on other stuff rather than hooking up. (Not because there wouldn't be girls interested but because I don't feel comfortable and confident in my own skin and there is nothing in the world that will make me feel comfortable in my own skin with the way I look now; I'm 100% avoiding any girl that shows any signs of interest - I have had a few) But I still don't understand why they would be interested since my face and half of my body look like a strawberry field, I am very awkward, average-height, corny voice. Even if I would have greater qualities you have to understand that its impossible for me to get over something that is with you 100% of the time. When I wake up I sometimes feel good but then I go brush my teeth and I look in the mirror and it reminds me of the biggest burden I have ever had in my life

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    Originally Posted by fspro10
    I've read your post. I had given up already. I am not willing to try any treatments anymore.
    Regarding the link between diet and acne, I think it's 0. I mean I have seen drug addicts who eat trash food and they have perfect skin. I never consume lots of junk food, just occasionally. And when acne started showing up when I was like 11-12 my junk food intake was 0. I have a balanced diet. I eat milk, eggs, chicken, vegetables.. Oh and I don't do drugs ever,maybe alcohol sometimes but very rarely.
    This acne thing has affected me so much that I don't even want clear skin anymore. I just got used to it. As I said in my thread I am looking for ways to cope with this in order to be able to focus on other stuff rather than hooking up. (Not because there wouldn't be girls interested but because I don't feel comfortable and confident in my own skin and there is nothing in the world that will make me feel comfortable in my own skin with the way I look now; I'm 100% avoiding any girl that shows any signs of interest - I have had a few) But I still don't understand why they would be interested since my face and half of my body look like a strawberry field, I am very awkward, average-height, corny voice. Even if I would have greater qualities you have to understand that its impossible for me to get over something that is with you 100% of the time. When I wake up I sometimes feel good but then I go brush my teeth and I look in the mirror and it reminds me of the biggest burden I have ever had in my life
    I think therapy would really do you good. Look I don't know what else to say because this is your mindset. I really don't mean to downplay your acne problem because I've definitely been there myself. But I think some of how our life turns out is actually our own doing. You have choices in front of you (e.g. continue treating acne and dating), but you want to make a certain choice, which is to give up. The advice is the same either way - you have to love and accept yourself. If you just want to continue living with acne then you must accept yourself just as you are. Which ironically is what can help to turn your life around. Good self-esteem, self love and acceptance.


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