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Thread: Trust Issues and Forgiveness (Please Help!)

  1. #1

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    Trust Issues and Forgiveness (Please Help!)

    The girl I am seeing for some reason feels the need to lie to me all the time. I've spoken to her about it on multiple occasions and yet I still catch her out for lying all the time. A few days ago, she got drunk with one of her friends in the afternoon, and that night she called me and told me she was alone and that her friend had left. From here she started making sexual comments attempting to start a sexual conversation. Luckily for me, I was reluctant to respond to these comments as I was convinced I could hear her friend giggling in the background of the phone call. I then checked snap maps on snapchat and low and behold her friend was still with her. I hung up the phone and the next day I confronted her over text saying that I knew her friend was with her during the conversation. She sent me numerous messages apologising and saying she made a stupid mistake because she was "drunk". I haven't spoken to her since and need advice on how to react.

    I am struggling to forgive her because of the numerous times she has lied to me and attempted to deceive me. The fact that she was trying to start a sexual conversation with me while her friend was listening and I was mislead into thinking she was alone makes this situation a whole lot harder for me. Any advice on what to do from here or any other opinions on her actions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member RitaTrue's Avatar
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    OP, forgiveness --without changed behavior--is useless.

    If you want to forgive, forgive, but you're going to be a glutton for pain.

    Honestly, you're past due to leave.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member thelostglove's Avatar
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    In your situation I would feel so mocked, betrayed and hurt. How you feel is right. How you reacted is right.

    If you forgive her endlessly for her lies, it will create a bad pattern where she knows it is ok to do so. She apologized but if she keep on lying the relationship won’t go anywhere.

    I would call it a day. There is no good foundations here. You can either keep things as they are or just tell her the whole lying and this event are unacceptable. I guess it depends how long you’ve been together. How long have you been dating?

  4. #4
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    If she has lied and disrespected you repeatedly, I have to ask why you are still involved with her? She has shown you repeatedly that she is not trustworthy, yet you continue on.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Don't waste time on floozies like this. You can do much better.
    Originally Posted by qetye123
    she got drunk with one of her friends in the afternoon, and that night she called me and told me she was alone and that her friend had left. From here she started making sexual comments attempting to start a sexual conversation.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    The foundation of a relationship it trust. Without it there is no relationship.
    You can't forgive someone who keeps doing the very same thing you are trying to forgive them for.
    Why don't you believe you deserve better?

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Elementary school behaviour. Where's the attraction?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Whenever I meet someone, I set my private trust meter to a neutral 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. From there I observe and allow them to show me by their behavior over time whether I want to invest more trust or withdraw it.

    If I suspect that someone is not trustworthy, I don't impose any obligations on myself to prove that--to myself or anyone else. I choose how I want to live. Discontinuing a relationship with someone I doubt is my decision, and I don't need to explain myself to anyone.

    Speaking only for myself, it makes no sense to stay involved with someone I don't trust. It's not about their guilt or innocence, it's about how I want to live.

    Policing someone else is NOT how I want to live.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    End it.

    Totally weird behavior


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