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Thread: Living with Sister

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You'd serve both of you better if you learned to be more accepting of who she is, rather than focusing on things you think she needs to change. She is a grown woman after all and you'd be hard pressed trying to re-parent her at this point. Besides, it's not your job.

    Embrace the differences, even if you don't approve of them. Just because you are a certain way, doesn't make it right. It just makes it different.

    I get she's not your cup of tea. That goes for a lot of people. Personally, I'd distance myself and give up the power struggles over silly things like the blinds. It would just make my life much more peaceful.

    Read a book, put in some ear bud and listen to podcasts. Go for a walk. Be kind whenever possible. It goes a long way, especially during a difficult time that two people who are opposites are forced to be together.

    There is no harm in respectfully telling her that you aren't up to having lengthy conversations

    Kindness begets kindness
    Amen and well said, reinventmyself : )

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Also, don't argue nor fight. Learn to walk away. Don't engage in a war with words. Remember, keep the peace. Keep a peaceful household.

    She will be moody. Don't kowtow. Don't walk on eggshells. Act natural, keep your interactions brief, well mannered, respectful, considerate and kind. Don't go overboard with kindness though. Be nice but not too nice. Do whatever it takes to have a peaceful household and learn how to live in a harmonious house to the best of your ability.

    Be in control of yourself and your own life and make the best of bad situations because that's life. Do it to survive and to save your sanity. This is what I do and it works. It's not a perfect life. However, you can make it a peaceful life for you and your home life.

    It's the same for everyone whether you live together, work together, in society, family, in-laws, acquaintances or friends. You have to learn how to deal with people no matter who they are and keep the peace with them, maintain peaceful relationships with everyone and know you did the best you could despite difficult, trying and sorely tested circumstances.

    You don't have to be chummy, warm nor feel close to certain people. Just become a peaceful person and tensions will be reduced significantly. It's not optimal nor ideal but peace is the best of all. Be humble, show humility and remember to always be a peaceful person with other people.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Sounds like she's bored and not great at occupying herself. Asking her to help you with something, a bigger project that requires something physical, might give her an outlet and a chance for you to build some good will. Everyone loves feeling useful and validated.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by lancelot873
    So I live with my sister... She has no friends, no BF, not married, recently laid off due to the outbreak... for all my life i tell her some of the things she does are wrong/not acceptable... also, we have an emotional/verbally abusive mother who basically abused us in our childhood and i think my sister took the major hit mentally.
    Have you ever considered that the reason your sister has no friends/boyfriend etc is because her self esteem has been completely destroyed by growing up in such an abusive environment? Even as an adult, all she's hearing is how crappy she is. I can well understand how difficult it must be for you when you don't get along with her, but I can't help but have an awful lot of sympathy for your sister too. Although two children grow up with the same parents and family life, it is often the case that one child can have a different experience from the other and you suggest this has happened, so it's possible you don't know the half of it. My brother and I share the same upbringing, but you'd be forgiven for thinking we have different mothers because my experience of her is so very different to his and I'm the one who was negatively affected. Have you ever tried talking to your sister about how she feels about her upbringing and your mother's treatment of you both?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good point. Domestic abuse has soared since this confinement thing. Now she is getting it from the mother and the brother.
    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    Have you ever considered that the reason your sister has no friends/boyfriend etc is because her self esteem has been completely destroyed by growing up in such an abusive environment? Even as an adult, all she's hearing is how crappy she is. I

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lancelot873
    i want no exchanges. i want no trouble. i literally want to just sit in peace, since she is more extroverted than i am, she can't sit still by herself, she likes to involve people. and now that we cannot go out anywhere, i am the people. another example is giving instructions. she is very demanding and likes to issue orders and follows up with the orders like INSTANTLY and i simply cannot accept that. if the world ran on a whim, then we wouldn't be having problems would we. we are adults, i have wants and needs just like her. when i want something i go and get it myself. or make it happen. but her, no, she likes to ask people to do things for her and uses the "girl" cover as this is a guy thing to do. and i don't buy that. i respect women, and i believe if they want equality, they should put in the effort themselves and stop relying on others to do the work for them.

    personally, i do not like the princess-y type girls to begin with, and she has a lot of those tendencies. maybe that's where the problem lies.
    None of my post had anything to do with what you like. Or what you approve of. It was focused on getting along.

    Reread it, and if you're not willing to step up to be the adult in your relationship instead of complaining about your sister, then there you are.

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