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I'm in love with her; do i stand a chance?


ChrysChrys

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Hi All,

I started my Master in business school 3 month and a half ago and in my study group of 6 people there is this girl, whom I have fallen in love with; I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t know neither how it happened! Probably the fact that we have spent a lot of time together working very late (sometimes 3 am) on projects at the library. She just happened to be in my mind every minute; it’s incredible! Can’t stop thinking about her. This started occurring 2 months and a half ago. I explained this to some friends of mine and two said to me that I should make a move otherwise she may friendzone me. I have used some tests to see if it could worth it making a move, such as pulling some jokes and touching her to see how she reacts, etc. She was responding somehow in the same manner; a lot of the time her legs below the table were always coming to touch mine; she was making joke about it. One evening I had a cold and had to leave and go home; she didn’t want me to leave. She said to me that she would miss me as she was already used to me and spend time with me (we were working Monday to Sunday 9 am till 1 am on average, sometimes 3 am. Anyway, I was thinking seriously about making a move and was waiting for the best opportunity to do so but we had been very busy with assignments from class. Eventually we had 4 days breaks and she went on holidays, came back sick. She was explaining me all the time how it hurts her to be sick, etc. I responded saying I am sorry and that I am there for her if she needs support or help. She responded saying I am very very nice guy. This scared me (you know the old sentence “you are nice, but …”). Therefore I didn’t want her to purely think of me as the nice guy; I responded back saying that it’s cool but it’s more like I care a lot about her and wished to speak to her in face to face after her return from holidays but opportunities were very few. She responded saying “it takes a lot of courage to say that; I am very touched, thank you. What about discussing in face to face when my disease finishes?”. I said perfect!

4 weeks later, she fully recovered from her disease; last weekend I proposed to do a dinner; I saw this as an opportunity to meet her and talk about any kind of stuffs; more like to kill time and get to know her even better on the personal level. She said “Yes” and we agreed to do this in a week time. After a week, as I was trying to schedule which day we would meet, she responded saying that she had been thinking a lot about what I said to her in the past “that I care a lot about her and that I like her”, and that she would prefer to keep our relationship professional because we are in the same school work group, etc. I said we don’t have to show anything to people and asked her to clarify whether this was because she feared school image or because she didn’t like me. I also said that I have developed feelings for her. She responded saying that she appreciates that, but she didn’t develop any feeling for me, that she is seeing me as a friend, and that we are not on the same page. I responded back saying that I respect her decision and that because I admire her personality, I would still be glad to be her friend. I am 31, she is 30 and we are both single.

 

Next day after that as we were doing some group work, she pulled my name instead of someone else name inadvertently; one guy proposed a solution to the exercise and she was meant to say she agrees with “this guy’s name” but unconsciously she said she agrees with “my name”. I don’t really know what this means.

I am in love with this girl; I cannot stop thinking about her, and I would be willing to make some reasonable sacrifices in terms of time, such as being patient, etc. but I don’t know if at all things can work in my favour? Other thing is that she has been quite blunt and dry in her response; I would have thought she would maybe say “no” in a less direct manner.

Additional information – I also know that for the first period of the scholar year she didn’t have good grades and I know that she is disappointed about that; she is putting a lot of effort to improve. I also know that she gets very stressed about exams; she told me this several times. Our next exams are coming in 2 weeks.

 

May she has reacted under stress in her response to me? Because our next exams are coming soon (2 weeks) and I know she is currently working so hard.

Maybe she hasn’t assessed my situation properly? I am a bit confused why in the first place she was “flirting” with me, giving compliments about my dress style, giving a lot of hugs, etc. Also, she has always been very nice with me, but this is the first time I ever see her being blunt and cutting things short with me.

The exam stress thing is a serious thing and I think the fear of exams is what caused her bad grades in the past exams. Now she is fearing again, in a worse manner. Last time as she was stressed about exams, she went remote for a day or two, and as usual I did everything to re-ensure and encourage her.

How should I behave now and what is next to do? She is a great girl – I have nearly zero doubt about it; I see it by her personality; I would say she is the kind of girl who loves well when she decides to love someone. For this reason, I want to try everything in my remit before giving up … oh I don’t event want to mention “giving up” as we never know what life has for us in the future, right?

Thanks a lot, in advance for your advices. 😊

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Leave her alone. She is not interested in more than being friends/classmates. Be careful not to sexually harass her. Since you go to the same school, she could report you if you keep pestering her. Get on dating apps and start talking to women. Don't be a creepy stalker.

she would prefer to keep our relationship professional because we are in the same school work group, etc.
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You're grasping for straws and trying to find excuses why she does things, and give weight to what you saw as interest in the past. Speaking as a woman, if I had chemistry for a guy and got excited about dating him, I'd jump at the opportunity when he asked me for dinner. She let you down easy, at first giving you the excuse of being in the same work group. When you pressed her, she totally spelled it out that you're a friend and so don't expect more.

 

Wanting to fight for something sounds courageous and a show of your strong love. It's faulty thinking. It's actually desperation when someone doesn't match you in their feelings, and you're not willing to let go. People who have a fulfilling life solo and a healthy self-esteem would think to themselves in this situation: Okay, I took a risk and it didn't pan out. Now I can emotionally move on and seek what I want elsewhere.

 

You don't love her. You have a crush. Real love develops over time, when two people are actually dating and get past the honeymoon stage, and move into the reality stage. She knows plenty about you, has spent huge amounts of time with you both physically and over social media. What on earth would you be "trying" at this point that you think would sway her to want to date you?

 

You two have different goals. Your friendship has a short shelf life. When she gets a boyfriend, you will be put on the back burner, as you should, for the good of her romantic relationship. Or you will totally be cut out of her life. The same should happen when you get a gf. These close male/female friendships are common in youth, but when people move on to other stages of their lives, those friendships often end due to a different dynamic than same sex friendships (for heterosexuals, anyway).

 

Be pleasant, as usual, but start distancing yourself from being so involved in her life. Start seeing her as just another work group buddy. Your fate lies with someone else, although it'll be hard for you to imagine this until you get time and distance away from her. If she happens to ask why you're doing this, be honest that you have to do that so you can emotionally move on. Take care.

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You are making excuses to try again....she said no, and no means no. He grades are going down the tubes because she has you obsessing over her and that is part of her stress....you are making matter worse. She depends on you to help her, but at the same time feels she needs to make space between you. Your friends are right you got friend zoned.

 

Here's your mistake...professing your feelings when you are not even dating. That should be saved for when you are in a relationship, because it's obvious at that time they will reciprocate. Your first step should have been to ask her out on a date....that's it. Right there she know you have interest and that's enough. You second mistake is spending months obsessing over her...it's not love it's an obsession. How can you love someone romantically when they are not involved with you. Basically you came off as creepy. That lessens your chances every time. It's now all feeling a bit awkward for her.

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back way off. Meet someone else. Put your effort into other girls.

 

Guys that I was not interested in, that continued to chased me, were annoying and I didn't give a flip about... guys that moved on, I thought better of.

 

You know why? because people who move on have options and that's attractive. People who hang on come across as weak and that's unattractive.

 

No one wants to have sex with a hurt, wounded bird.

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