Broken up with girl due to distance & timing

Hi everyone

I posted previously about a long distance relationship that I was in. I was unsure about it due to not meeting for too long before we committed and distance then got between us. I am 26 years old and my now ex girlfriend is 19 years old.

I live the other side of the world and was finding the long distance difficult and I also felt we were at different stages of our lives as I was a little older and wanting to settle soon. My ex girlfriend would not finish her university course until December this year.

When together last we also argued a bit when living in the same space and all of the doubts added up and made me doubt things and become distant and in the end a mutual decision was made to break things off.

I really feel strongly for the girl and her feelings towards me are also equally strong. We have just broke up and it feels horrible as without distance between us, and life situation / timing I'm sure we wouldn't have broken up. I just tried to look at the situation with some reality.

Does anyone think I'm making a huge mistake here or looking from the outside is this the best thing for both of us?

Thanks for all your help as ever

Sorry to hear this. Use this time to reflect and ponder all the obstacles and differences contributing to general dissatisfaction. Age, distance, culture, life stage etc. This may be the freedom you need to find someone local, compatible and who has the same values, goals, timeline as you do.

I live the other side of the world and was finding the long distance difficult and I also felt we were at different stages of our lives as I was a little older and wanting to settle soon.

Nope I think you did the right thing. LDR are so hard to maintain. As you said there's a fair difference in ages as well. Take time for yourself and then work on moving on. Find a local girl.

Hi

what a bummer. I am sorry. It hurts to end things even when its for the right reasons. Everything you said makes sense and it was the mature, responsible way to handle it.

Sometimes the timing is off. Just like you said. I can look back on my own life and a few times, there were barriers that were just too high to overcome. The guys were great fits with me and the feelings were mutual but the deal breakers, well they were deal breakers.

I would choose to look at this as a huge example of your growth and maturity as a person. And it is no doubt 100% setting you up to meet someone better suited for you

Chin up. You did the right thing. It still feels like crap though. i know.

Thanks for the replies so far. We had big differences with religion, culture also. I am not saying that these could not have been overcome, but I feel all added up it just wasnt meant to be. I am looking for something long term at this stage and my ex girlfriend mentioned she still wants to live in different cities across the world etc, which I have already done.

it really is a bummer

Thanks for the replies so far. We had big differences with religion, culture also. I am not saying that these could not have been overcome, but I feel all added up it just wasnt meant to be. I am looking for something long term at this stage and my ex girlfriend mentioned she still wants to live in different cities across the world etc, which I have already done.

 

it really is a bummer

Pretty much no 19 year old woman is ready for marriage and settling down into a proper long term relationship. When you add in the above issues as well....this had zero chance of success from the get go.

Ending things, even if painful is truly the best decision you can possibly make and absolutely the right one. You need to heal, move on and seek a partner who is more on your level and she needs to go enjoy life and be...a teenager that she still is.

No, you're not making a huge mistake because you're being logical. It's best to break up because your long distance relationship (LDR), timing AND age difference are not practical nor feasible.

Remain realistic, rational and pragmatic when it comes to relationships. It is all common sense.

Hi OP

I’m sorry for your heartache. When I was 18 close to 19 a twenty year old guy I had been dating for a short period of time asked me to marry him. At that age being so young the thought of getting married was beyond my comprehension, I just wanted to have a boyfriend.

I say you did the right thing as she isn’t ready to settle down and won’t be for a long time.

Yeah look unfortunately even the age alone may have been a problem. She's still a teenager. When I was 19 I was seeing this guy who was 42 (though he lied about his age at first). He said he was really in love with me and wanted to live together and eventually get married. And I was thinking no way, I'm 19 and I just love to go clubbing and partying with my friends lol I definitely didn't want to commit to anyone like that at that age.

Of course it really hurts to lose someone you deeply care for. We're human and we just have those feelings that we can't help. But I know from all my experience sometimes we can have feelings for someone who is not the right person for us. I mean the problem is it's going to be a while until this girl would start thinking about settling down and things like that. If she wants to backpack around the world then she probably wants to live that free single party lifestyle. Which actually is normal for someone who is still a teenager.

And keep in mind too that if you weren't together in person long before it became LDR then maybe you don't even truly know her. At the start everyone is on their best behaviour and it's the "honeymoon phase". Doesn't mean in the long term it was meant to be.

I am sorry you're hurting though. As time goes on the pain will become less and less.

Thank you for all of your replies. It has helped me put my mind at ease somewhat, I guess this one was just not meant to be.

Thanks again