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Thread: Meeting with my ex

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by monkeynuts

    If people turned their backs on their partners as soon as something happened then everyone would be single. Sometimes things do happen and of course its worth fighting for - or at least seeing if things can be resolved. If times been invested then my opinion is depending on what the fall out is over is the deciding factor ( obviously cheating is a no no ) again thats my personal opinion. And that will differ from one person to the next
    there is nothing wrong with wanting to work things out... your personal opinion is the only one that matters here.

    I always find it interesting, when people get to this point in their thread.... And it highlights to me why you are confused... what you know you need to do and what you want to do are conflicted.

    I hope she wants to work out, too... I just think you're a little more invested than she is. So watch yourself there. As I said b4, you gotta be true to yourself...

  2. #32
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    Lambert. I couldnt agree more.

    I guess like others - people us use these threads in the hope someone has gone through similar or gain a wider perspective.

    Its clear the difference of opinions and also the jackassE$ on here.

    We met up last night. We spoke a lot. Were going to continue to talk and communicate going forward. Theres No expectations. No pressure. we both want to move forward And have things we both need to work through - and it seems we both want to work through. By no means is this an easy road but it never is. Hell sometimes life can throw up unexpected problems but its how you resolve them that can determine the outcone

    Appreciate the words and advice from people. Have taken aspects onboard and quite frankly ignored others

  3. #33
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    monkey,

    It is very hard to just walk away without giving it one more huge effort to save the relationship but unless there is brutal honesty and the willingness to accept some hard truths there is little chance of long term survival of the relationship.

    I am glad you two spoke and have agreed to continue to work towards a more healthy relationship. Times like this can even strengthen a relationship well beyond what it ever was in the past. If you both put all your cards out on the table and freely admit why you feel the way you do then there is a very good chance at a happy outcome. But if she cannot admit why she needs to stay in contact with these men and if you cannot admit why it causes you to act the way you do what hope is there?

    People staying in contact with someone that has abused them in the past has always puzzled me but I know there are real reasons they do. It may not be healthy reasons but they have reasons just the same and they may not even know why.

    As you know years of trust can be ruined in a split second and then it can take years to rebuild. Are you a fool for believing her once again? It is your life and your choice to trust her at her word so who are we to say to not try? If there is little downside and a big upside then why not? Just be careful and not fall into the same traps.

    Do you know what you will say if she tells you she will always stay in contact with men she has been intimate with? (Rhetorical)


    I do hope it works out and you have more good news to post.

    Lost

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by monkeynuts
    Lambert. I couldnt agree more.

    I guess like others - people us use these threads in the hope someone has gone through similar or gain a wider perspective.

    Its clear the difference of opinions and also the jackassE$ on here.

    We met up last night. We spoke a lot. Were going to continue to talk and communicate going forward. Theres No expectations. No pressure. we both want to move forward And have things we both need to work through - and it seems we both want to work through. By no means is this an easy road but it never is. Hell sometimes life can throw up unexpected problems but its how you resolve them that can determine the outcone

    Appreciate the words and advice from people. Have taken aspects onboard and quite frankly ignored others
    Right. And I think a lot of posters want someone to have had a similar situation that ended in happily ever after.

    What does no expectations mean?

    that is dangerous when combined with we both want to move forward.

    In what way? Together? Separately? As co-dependants until one of you meets someone else and basically crushes the other's expectations?

    That's a slippery slope you're headed towards friend. Buyer beware

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by monkeynuts
    Lambert. I couldnt agree more.

    I guess like others - people us use these threads in the hope someone has gone through similar or gain a wider perspective.

    Its clear the difference of opinions and also the jackassE$ on here.

    We met up last night. We spoke a lot. Were going to continue to talk and communicate going forward. Theres No expectations. No pressure. we both want to move forward And have things we both need to work through - and it seems we both want to work through. By no means is this an easy road but it never is. Hell sometimes life can throw up unexpected problems but its how you resolve them that can determine the outcone

    Appreciate the words and advice from people. Have taken aspects onboard and quite frankly ignored others
    This sounds like a lot of psychobabble to evade really making a plan to move forward. When my husband and I got back together after dating seriously years in the past we both knew it would take work, that's obvious, we both knew there were risks, also obvious but we both knew we wanted to move forward. So it took a quick convo: him: do you want to get back together?" me (after a pause, after some tears, some concerns of course - "yes!". Then it took a couple of minutes to clarify that we wanted to be exclusive and see if we should get married this time around. Of course there should be expectations if you truly wish to move forward -not vague references to stuff to work through. What stuff exactly -and how is he going to do the work -what work?

  7. #36
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    You have both agreed to communicate going forward but the first chance to there was no communication only an agreement of no expectation.

    Everyone has expectations.
    Stating they have none is just avoiding verbalising them.

    As someone else said thats a slippery slope.

    Good luck!

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by monkeynuts
    We met up last night. We spoke a lot. Were going to continue to talk and communicate going forward. Theres No expectations. No pressure. we both want to move forward
    Good that you've had a sensible chat.

    I'm very confused with what you've agreed though! - are you still in a relationship? Or not?

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