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Thread: Bf lied to me

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2020

    Bf lied to me

    Hello. I looked through my bfs phone and found out that he spent 2 nights over some girls place. First night he told me he was out with a male friend and that he spent the night there. The truth was this girl was with them and later that male friend left, leaving them two alone. The second time he told me he studiet with that friend again, but he was studying with that girl and slept over by her place again. That girl is his classmate. In the messages he tells him he is like a big brother to her, there were no clues od a relationship. They were sending memes to each other, talkt about studying but he was giving her compliments and they were talking about sexual stuff, their preferences and fantasies. I was devastated and I broke up. He sad he hasn't touched her, they were just friends. But why did he lied about her if there isn't something to hide?He wasn't technically cheating but he betrayed me. I also have to add that we were almost a year and a half together and the last 6 months we were in a LDR since he moved to another country to study. I found all of this out when I came to visit him. And I packed my stuff and got back to my country. Now 2 months have passed and he wants me to give him another chance. He is remorseful and regrets his actions. He told me every detail and says it's the biggest mistake of his life. I feel like I could forgive him but I don't know if I can trust him again.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    wow. Mark my words, that wasnt the first time he lied, it was the first time you caught him.

    He was doing something shady. Whether it was to eventually get with this girl and leave you or not. He knew what he was doing was wrong and that is why he lied. He disrespected you and your relationship.

    I think you're right to not trust him. He's a spoiled boy that does what he wants and you deserve someone that doesn't lie to you.

    Be honest with yourself, if he didnt cheat on you, its only because the girl sees him as a brother. He does not have your best interest at heart and there are better men out there.

    I say he played himself.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Thereís ZERO chance that Iíd get back with him if I were you.

    Iíve been cheated on before, and ended up going back several times to learn that same lesson over and over again, and this is the background which frames what Iím saying to you.

    You can meet a local man with integrity, you donít have to compromise your sense of of truth or self-worth for somebody who has no integrity. Ever heard the phrase ďcrocodile tears?Ē

    Good luck...

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    They're always just friends-classic excuse. As to saying he's "sorry" my guess is he's sorry he got caught.

    Yes, you can forgive but regaining trust is a road many cannot travel. I'd put this behind me, and move on.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Nope, this would be a deal-breaker for me.

    He has a ton of growing up to do before he'll be mature enough for a real commitment. I also would not trust his version of events. He lied about studying with her. You can be nearly certain he's lied about the saucier details and that there is plenty you don't know.

    I'd leave this guy in your rear-view mirror. He didn't love you enough to not violate your trust.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    You did the right thing. Do not bother with him any further. Use this time to block and delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps, social media and devices. You can do much better than this locally. No reason to be with someone this untrustworthy and long distance.
    Originally Posted by Anna2020
    I was devastated and I broke up.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    It wasn't a night of drunkenness/poor judgement...he made the clear headed conscience decision to cheat on you...he deserves no merit for his "remorselessness". The way I see it, things fell through with her so he's come back grovelling to you. Nope put him on ignore.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Don't give him anymore chances. Once a liar, always a liar. If you are together again, he'll lie to you again. The only difference is he'll cover his tracks better (conceal, deceive and betray you again).

    There is zero trust after lying because distrust had already been planted within the deep recesses of your brain PERMANENTLY. This is universal.

    Yes, you can forgive him. Forgive means to move on. Forget? NEVER.

    Once bitten twice shy. Move on with your life without him because you need to save yourself. Get rid of toxic, dysfunctional people from your life. Be a good judge of character in order to protect yourself from now on.


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