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Thread: What is this???

  1. #1
    Member ComfyHoodie's Avatar
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    What is this???

    Iím almost 30. I find myself sinking into this depression and finding that I just donít have the energy or even the mental strength to try and dig myself out. I had a kid, wasnít exactly my idea. There are times I wish I had taken a different route in life. Sometimes I feel Iíd be a lot happier, not only with my life but with myself. My son is two. I love him more than anything. Iím in school right now. To try and better myself to get a job and get out of this place weíre living. I hate it here every day. I just wana have a big yard for my son to run around in. I have all these dreams and desires. And they all seem so impossible. Iím just doing what I know I can do. Finish this pharm tech school for the second time. :/. (Did it once before I had a kid and hated it. Now I donít have a choice, I just need something that will make me decent money). I feel like one reason I hate my life so much is sometimes I canít stand my partner! Heís just so stupid! Sometimes! I feel like I do what I can and no matter what, at some point, he comes at me with this attitude like ď well I told you I donít like this or that, I guess you didnít listen) like???? ?!? There are times I feel like he says just to win arguments! (I think Itís this whole bull about how his ed up father raised him, his dad does the same thing to him, Iíve seen. Itís like his father is always trying de-masculinization tactics on him)So I feel like he tries that on me, half exactly expecting me to just give in and say ďoh Iím so sorry honey Iíll fix it) . Most of the time weíre ok. But when we get into it I just want to ing scream at him! I love the guy but there literally are times I just want to kick him out and file for child support. Thereís been times Iíve thrown his bag at him and told him he can go. Thereís been times I told him to pack his and go. But. He stayed. Am I crazy? There are times Iím very happy with him. I would say most times. But the sad part is. Iím on my ing period. I know I tend to get a little crazy. But is that all my life and everything and be reduced to??? PMS???? What kind of sick ing joke is god playing on me???? Or women kind? I guess I just need friends. I need to get away and have a real conversation with someone who isnít family. Idk what to do. I just want to cry.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You seem to have difficulty accepting responsibility for the choices you've made. Did someone force you to have a child? It was your choice. Why are your dreams impossible? What is preventing you from finishing school and getting a job? What is preventing you from leaving this unsatisfactory relationship?

    It's not God's fault. It's about the poor choices you've made. You're the only one who can improve your life, but you have to take responsibility for it.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    You seem to have difficulty accepting responsibility for the choices you've made. Did someone force you to have a child? It was your choice. Why are your dreams impossible? What is preventing you from finishing school and getting a job? What is preventing you from leaving this unsatisfactory relationship?

    It's not God's fault. It's about the poor choices you've made. You're the only one who can improve your life, but you have to take responsibility for it.
    I felt the same way reading your post. Your son is 2 and very soon he's going to view you as his role model including when it comes to taking responsibility for his choices.

  4. #4
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    If you had a bag of skittles and you knew one skittle was poisoned, would you eat any of the skittles? Thatís what your partner is when he tries to cut you down. You could leave, you could try counselling. I hope that you donít stay willing to pay that price of admission though, you deserve to not be under attack from your partner

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If you had a bag of skittles and you knew one skittle was poisoned, would you eat any of the skittles?
    I saw this analogy on FB last week. Great analogy, whoever made it up.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    When you post can you put into to paragraphs? I had a hard time following how he "emasculates" you and the whole thing about the fights and his dad.....

    But what I did get, is that maybe this isnt the partner for you. You're struggling with loving him but wanting more from him, seeing that is just not capable of what you need.

    Sounds to me like the internal debate we all have when we're getting ready to end.... pro/con list.

    If you hate your life, you're the only one that can change it.

    Why are you going through pharmacy tech school if you know you hated it the first time and won't like the job? Are you going to use that as a short term career to build it into something you do want?

    You cant keep accepting things you don't like and expect to like your life.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you are under a doctors care and have regular support through therapy. You are being abusive to your child's father/partner because of anger, raging and uncontrolled moods. Get some help before your child gets taken away.
    Originally Posted by ComfyHoodie
    I find myself sinking into this depression and finding that I just donít have the energy or even the mental strength to try and dig myself out. I had a kid, wasnít exactly my idea.


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