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Thread: What happens if she thinks he's cute but he doesn't meet her requirements?

  1. #1
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    What happens if she thinks he's cute but he doesn't meet her requirements?

    This is an unusual twist to a topic that's been brought up often. I'm one of those reclusive types, so do not have much real-world experience to go by, but would like to change that if quarantine ends.

    I did "luck out" in the facial-aesthetics department (not bragging, as you'll see..just explaining the circumstances). So I almost always get the stunned/attractive eyes from girls/women, repeated eye contact, etc. And they're almost always eager & willing to converse initially.

    However, I'm only 5'8". I wouldn't think twice about this if it weren't for the consensus I've seen online...height is generally the most important physical feature, and many women have strict cutoffs here. I hadn't even thought about this for years, but then I saw a 5'9" YouTuber girl doing a Q&A session, and she was asked "would you date someone shorter than you?" She reacted with a cringe and mockery, and everyone thought it was funny. This set off an alarm for me and reactivated an old concern.

    It seems that, if a man's on the short side, being average-looking (or below) would actually be easier. Why? Because if she's not interested, she won't send any signals (or will just reject you) and you won't waste your time. But if she's initially attracted, it will come through (because it's involuntary) and you won't be rejected outright, or right away. They might even continue acting interested, because they're still acting on their feelings (attraction) and not their numerical height requirement. Still, just based on stats, there has to be a percentage of women that have the height as a deal-breaker, no matter what they feel or what their first impression was. I already expect this if they're my height or taller...but if they're in the 5'6"-5'7" range, it's the trickiest.

    At some point down the line, they'd have to make it known that he doesn't pass her checklist. So in this case, when she's still attracted to him instinctively, how exactly does she do the rejecting? I know from experience they don't do it when you first start talking. So would most women do it as soon as he first asks her out...or is she likely to keep 'leading him on' for a while, even to the point of dates or making out, and then find a subtle way to disappear?

    This doesn't just apply to height...the same thing exists with income, race, and all other objective criteria the guy doesn't meet. Nothing's more frustrating than having things seem good and then disappear out of the blue. So I'm hoping I can get an idea of how to spot and prevent it ahead of time.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You are finding a lot of shallow women! I'm 5'6" and I had a boyfriend who was about 5'2" Neither of us cared. We are still friends many decades later. It's never been an issue. It's a shame anyone would reject another person based on height. That's really a pathetic reason. It's the person themselves who matter, not their stature.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grizzly584
    This is an unusual twist to a topic that's been brought up often. I'm one of those reclusive types, so do not have much real-world experience to go by, but would like to change that if quarantine ends.

    I did "luck out" in the facial-aesthetics department (not bragging, as you'll see..just explaining the circumstances). So I almost always get the stunned/attractive eyes from girls/women, repeated eye contact, etc. And they're almost always eager & willing to converse initially.

    However, I'm only 5'8". I wouldn't think twice about this if it weren't for the consensus I've seen online...height is generally the most important physical feature, and many women have strict cutoffs here. I hadn't even thought about this for years, but then I saw a 5'9" YouTuber girl doing a Q&A session, and she was asked "would you date someone shorter than you?" She reacted with a cringe and mockery, and everyone thought it was funny. This set off an alarm for me and reactivated an old concern.

    It seems that, if a man's on the short side, being average-looking (or below) would actually be easier. Why? Because if she's not interested, she won't send any signals (or will just reject you) and you won't waste your time. But if she's initially attracted, it will come through (because it's involuntary) and you won't be rejected outright, or right away. They might even continue acting interested, because they're still acting on their feelings (attraction) and not their numerical height requirement. Still, just based on stats, there has to be a percentage of women that have the height as a deal-breaker, no matter what they feel or what their first impression was. I already expect this if they're my height or taller...but if they're in the 5'6"-5'7" range, it's the trickiest.

    At some point down the line, they'd have to make it known that he doesn't pass her checklist. So in this case, when she's still attracted to him instinctively, how exactly does she do the rejecting? I know from experience they don't do it when you first start talking. So would most women do it as soon as he first asks her out...or is she likely to keep 'leading him on' for a while, even to the point of dates or making out, and then find a subtle way to disappear?

    This doesn't just apply to height...the same thing exists with income, race, and all other objective criteria the guy doesn't meet. Nothing's more frustrating than having things seem good and then disappear out of the blue. So I'm hoping I can get an idea of how to spot and prevent it ahead of time.
    intetesting post. Well sorry to disappoint but there really isn't any magic trick that works on spotting every possible rejection.

    Its like anything else, you must live in the moment, see the queues and respond in a way that increases your attractiveness to that person. What is that? Depends on the person.

    I might suggest just not allowing yourself to be vested in the person too early on. It won't guarentee anything. This whole forum is full of people that have been unceremoniously dumped and replaced without any clues.

    Spend time getting to know the person, find out what they are looking for, pay attention to what is important to them. try to find that bound beyond the physical.

    edited to add: I've dated men shorter than me. I like who I like. I'm much more intetested in the person and then their appearance. you should be looking for woman with that same mindset.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Being recluse or aloof or awkward is much more problematic than your height. Watch some videos on social skills rather than what girls on youtube think. Your personality matters and if you come off confident you'll have better luck.
    Originally Posted by Grizzly584
    she came up and touched me and asked me how I was. I remained aloof and said "fine, thanks" without even making eye contact.

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  6. 04-13-2020, 05:15 PM
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    @Lambert

    Thanks...that's all good advice. Also wondering about when the queues remain positive but you still don't meet their criteria. I guess your third paragraph addresses that. Or you could always just find out what their 'checklist' is through conversation...down the road.
    Last edited by Grizzly584; 04-13-2020 at 05:24 PM. Reason: Forgot to quote

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grizzly584
    @Lambert

    Thanks...that's all good advice. Also wondering about when the queues remain positive but you still don't meet their criteria. I guess your third paragraph addresses that. Or you could always just find out what their 'checklist' is through conversation...down the road.
    I think the best thing you can do, if you don't meet someone's criteria (for any reason) is to accept it & don't try to change their criteria.

    Instead, put your energy into finding someone that meets YOUR criteria... ie a woman that isn't hung up on the one thing that cant be changed. Its really superficial and fake... qualities that will cause problems in other areas as well.

    Are you able to make friends easily?

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Height requirements haven't been the case based upon my experience. I've known plenty of couples past and present who are various height ranges. Character and income (socioeconomics / professions) are huge factors in successful relationships and marriages before height. Some people also factor in shared values, religion (faiths) and demographics.

    Don't fixate on height. Concentrate and focus on what you CAN control which is observed and appreciated above all else.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grizzly584
    I'm one of those reclusive types
    I have to agree with wiseman... being reclusive is a bigger problem than height.

    But being mean-spirited is probably the biggest problem that you face:

    Originally Posted by Grizzly584
    But that's completely unrelated to what I asked...and even if this were a different topic, you're not going to convince anyone with your condescending smart-ass attitude. You make it sound like I've never considered a topic that I've investigated for more than a decade. Get your facts straight before giving advice.

    That's the drawback of these forums. All it takes is one a$$hole troll to change the whole nature of the thread. Good...you insulted someone from your computer and prevented them from getting more responses. Now you can say you accomplished something during quarantine today.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't take rejection personally. It's all about what you have to offer in a relationship or in other cases, marriage. Focus on character and your career and you'll be pushing through an open door, Grizzly584.

    Personality and self confidence are all well and good as long as you can back it up with character and career.

    From a woman's point of view, give women more credit where due. We generally don't focus on height as the primary and major decision factor.

  12. #10
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    I think Wiseman gave you some really good advice. In his post there wasnít anything spiteful or condescending. I think you need to first work on your attitude. Your confidence will show no matter what height youíre at.

    My boyfriend is 5í6 and Iím taller.

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