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Thread: Emotionally immature

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Great. Keep going down this path.

    If you were in this headspace before you met him—feeling yourself and your worth, wanting someone who celebrated that—do you think this relationship would have existed for as long as it did, if at all? Probably not. Which isn't to say that it was a waste of time. Hardly. You probably had some very good times, and now you've learned some lessons. But you can't live them—can't start feeling yourself and celebrating yourself—if you're still measuring yourself against someone that tapped into a part of you that you want to work on, and let go of.

    The familiar is always comfortable, even when the familiar is self-loathing. Challenge right now—and you're up for it!—is to start finding a new comfort zone.
    I think I was probably focused on the fact that I could finally be myself around a guy. I finally felt comfortable that I let that stuff slip

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why haven't you deleted him from your social media?

    Why are you choosing to stay mentally connected to him? This does you no good at all.
    It sounds pathetic but the only reason is so he can see me and how much I’ve changed

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    It sounds pathetic but the only reason is so he can see me and how much I’ve changed
    So you can change this.

    Instead of choosing to be "pathetic", how about being strong? Delete him from your social media and resolve that never again will you live your life hoping to have an ex as an audience. Or never again look to an ex for approval.

    Live for YOU, not some ex.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    It sounds pathetic but the only reason is so he can see me and how much I’ve changed
    Why? Why do want him to see you changed? So you can get him?


    explore those feelings and motivation...

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Why? Why do want him to see you changed? So you can get him?


    explore those feelings and motivation...
    No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person

  7. #26
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person
    So you're still trying to impress him?

    Do you see how that is futile and a waste?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person
    The real adventure, the one that is authentic, is when it stops being to get someone's attention and make them feel something about you. Really give that some thought. What you're describing is being guided by your ego, which is like being stuck inside your own shadow, not so different from feeling stuck inside the shadow of someone inside a relationship. The true you is always invisible: to you, to others.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person
    I think based on your age, this is pretty normal thinking. You crave approval... but know that, even though you're an adult, the human brain's frontal lobe, which controls decisions, impulses, and other things... It doesn't fully develop until maybe your third decade...

    Given time, you will come to see the only opinion that really matters is your own.

    Until then , you probably need to look to advice, like redirecting your focus to someone better. because not only is the best revenge living well, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

    Seek approval from better people. Or better yet, focus on a goal of your own quietly and approve of yourself!

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    I think I was probably focused on the fact that I could finally be myself around a guy.
    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    It sounds pathetic but the only reason is so he can see me and how much I’ve changed
    Why would he need to see that you've changed if he was someone that you could 'be yourself' around?

    Why are you whitewashing the reality of the relationship you actually had?

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Why would he need to see that you've changed if he was someone that you could 'be yourself' around?

    Why are you whitewashing the reality of the relationship you actually had?
    What do you mean whitewashing?

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