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Thread: Wife will not eat healthy

  1. #1

    Wife will not eat healthy

    I am very frustrated. I have been with my wife for 12 years, and in that time she refuses to eat healthy. She will reluctantly eat a little healthier, but not healthy. As a result, I end up eating lots of bad foods. My weight went up to higher then it has ever been. I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the house, cooks bad food (I cook also and cook healthy options). She will barely eat what I cook, even though a normal person would find it delicious (grilled chicken with sauteed onions, for example). I am foodie and always have been, so having bad foods around is like bringing alcohol into an alcoholics house. I may be able to resist for a while, but in the end, the food wins out. Currently, I have lost 30 lbs on my way to a 80 lbs weight loss goal and have flattened out on the diet, no longer losing. Every meal she makes is breaded, fried, pasta, lots of starches and so forth. I have tried to discuss this with her and she just gets mad, and says that "she is so tired of everyone getting on her about her eating". She will not eat any vegetables, ever. We are not young, her having just turned 40 and we had our first child 5 months ago. She is classified as obese, and I have never gotten on her about that, only my own weight. However, we are older first time parents and I want to ensure we are both here as long as possible for our son and hopefully future children. Her diet aided in a very difficult time in getting pregnant which ended up taking years. She simply will not change and I am beyond frustrated as I want to be healthy. I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself, as I have to refrain from eating the crap she brings in, but its difficult when there are few healthy options in the house when she does the shopping, or my own will power waning when she brings in unhealthy stuff after I do the shopping. I thought with our son here now, she would jump on board and be all about getting as healthy as possible, but unfortunately she has not altered her eating in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore as I find myself feeling angry a lot, whenever she prepares a meal or comes home with groceries.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Come one now...you're a grown man, if you don't want to eat garbage, then don't eat garbage. But your lack of self control is not her fault.

    She might bring it around but if you are serious about keeping trim, then don't eat it. I can say that because my husband likes take out or pizza. I want to eat healthy. He eats it if he wants to, I make my own meal..other days we compromise on a nice meal together, it's all good.

    I don't bash him or get angry over it. I'm a big girl, if I want to stop eating badly, I won't eat it....simple.

    As for any other differences you have, it might go deeper than what you are talking about. Not only do you two have compatibility issues but you refuse to compromise or see one another's point of view.
    You are resenting her weight and eating habits, she's resenting you trying to eat healthy...you both want your own ways and are essentially creating more and more of a space between each other in your marriage.

    What's the solution? You BOTH have to come to a compromise and be okay with it. If you can't, then you need more help such as marriage counselling.
    Trying to force her to stop eating junk won't work, if it's bothering you that badly, then it will become a reason to end the marriage.

  3. #3
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    I eat somewhat healthier than my husband and my husband keeps things around I stopped eating (meaning certain types of sweets I know I can't eat because if I do I'll eat too much of it) and -I just practice self control. We mostly prepare our own food -different tastes, we eat at different times, etc but he'll eat what I make (healthy) and I make staples that he eats -like plain whole grain pasta, steamed broccoli, I'll buy a rotisserie chicken, sweet potatoes, etc. I think he eats too many sweets but it's not going to work if I talk to him about it because it will come across as nagging no matter what. We had our son when we were in our early 40s -he's now 11. My husband is a bit overweight. I am not. I think you should cook for yourself and practice self control (I'm also a foodie so I get it).

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by frustrated10
    I am very frustrated. I have been with my wife for 12 years, and in that time she refuses to eat healthy. She will reluctantly eat a little healthier, but not healthy. As a result, I end up eating lots of bad foods. My weight went up to higher then it has ever been. I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the house, cooks bad food (I cook also and cook healthy options). She will barely eat what I cook, even though a normal person would find it delicious (grilled chicken with sauteed onions, for example). I am foodie and always have been, so having bad foods around is like bringing alcohol into an alcoholics house. I may be able to resist for a while, but in the end, the food wins out. Currently, I have lost 30 lbs on my way to a 80 lbs weight loss goal and have flattened out on the diet, no longer losing. Every meal she makes is breaded, fried, pasta, lots of starches and so forth. I have tried to discuss this with her and she just gets mad, and says that "she is so tired of everyone getting on her about her eating". She will not eat any vegetables, ever. We are not young, her having just turned 40 and we had our first child 5 months ago. She is classified as obese, and I have never gotten on her about that, only my own weight. However, we are older first time parents and I want to ensure we are both here as long as possible for our son and hopefully future children. Her diet aided in a very difficult time in getting pregnant which ended up taking years. She simply will not change and I am beyond frustrated as I want to be healthy. I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself, as I have to refrain from eating the crap she brings in, but its difficult when there are few healthy options in the house when she does the shopping, or my own will power waning when she brings in unhealthy stuff after I do the shopping. I thought with our son here now, she would jump on board and be all about getting as healthy as possible, but unfortunately she has not altered her eating in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore as I find myself feeling angry a lot, whenever she prepares a meal or comes home with groceries.

    Agreed with the other post that, as far as your own eating habits are concerned, you have control over that and there is absolute zero reason for you to put the blame for your own lack of self-control on your wife. You eat the bad foods only because you choose to, not because she is forcing it down your throat. If you truly equate your situation to that of an alcoholic (that is, you suffer from food addiction) there are programs for food addicts you may join to help with your addiction, if it truly is a daily struggle for you.

    As for your wife's eating habits, is this something you only recently decided is a big problem for you? Or have you always felt this way about your wife's eating habits since the day you met her? The reason I ask is because I am struggling to understand why you went ahead and married someone whose lifestyle is so clearly a deal breaker for you. She didn't turn into an unhealthy eater overnight, she has always been this way. So why was it acceptable to you then, but it is not acceptable to you now?

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  6. #5
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    Has she always eaten this way? How was her attitude towards eating when you met her? Generally someone's eating habit reveals something about them. E.g. some people stress it, sometimes there's a medical condition, they could be overcompensating, emotional eating, etc. But I am not a doctor nor a nutritionist nor a qualified therapist. That's something you could discuss with her, see if she's interested in talking to a specialist. (Not sure how doable this is under the current climate.)

    A couple of my family members are quite overweight so I know the feeling of wanting someone to eat healthier for their own sake. Unfortunately, she needs to voluntarily decide that she wants to change her eating habit. Otherwise she might see that as nagging or not being appreciated the way she looks like now.

    As for YOU: You want to eat healthier, be more proactive on that front. Only you decide what you eat. Buy groceries and do the cooking whenever possible whilst finding a compromise when cooking. For example: prepare a healthy chicken dish with veggies with a small side of pasta. She doesn't have to eat what she doesn't like, the same for you and you get to have that healthy meal you wanted. Essentially, it's about meeting both of your needs.
    Last edited by greendots; 04-09-2020 at 09:43 PM.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're gaining weight, but that's on you, not her. You're an adult who is responsible for making your own choices, just as she is. I understand your concern, but this is her cross to bear, and as the saying goes "you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him drink it."

    Unless she's holding a gun to your head, your excuse doesn't hold water. JMO....

  8. #7
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    Eat a smaller portion and stop whinging!!

    Your weight loss or gain is on you and nothing to do with your wife.
    Stop blaming her for what you voluntarily eat.

    What’s wrong with your will power?

    Buy your own groceries and cook for yourself if needs be. But stop being a pain in the ass to your wife. After all , it looks like she is doing the grocery shopping with a 5 month old in tow, she is cooking predominantly even if it’s convenient cooking because of likely time constraints etc

    Grilled chicken and onion is boring. Not exactly “foodie”

    Why not get a bit creative with your cooking? Put some flavour in at least? Give her time off and do the grocery shopping. ?

    And stop blaming her for what you put in your mouth.

    Seriously dude???

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Excellent you are taking care of your health. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and lead by example. Nagging , resentment and contempt may be added to her stress eating. Stop trying to change her and stop the food fights. eat what you think is best and leave her alone. Stop blaming her your eating habits or weight.
    Originally Posted by frustrated10
    I end up eating lots of bad foods.
    My weight went up to higher then it has ever been.
    I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the hous
    I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Are there other incompatibilities in your relationship?

    I wonder, if you knew this about her and you're so different, why did you marry her?

    Did you talk about this before the marriage and come to a compromise, that she is not living up to?

    Did you talk about how you would raise children prior to marriage?

    I think different perspectives on ) health, diet, exercise do not have to be an issue, but both people have to agree to disagree and live and let live or go your separate ways.

    It does get quite sticky when child raising, as children need consistency. It helps them learn to make good choices when away from their parents.

    You can't change anyone but yourself... its a fact.

  11. #10
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    Hi

    You can’t blame this on her. If we’re being realistic you chose to eat junk along with her. I think like others said there is something more behind this.


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