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Thread: Ex reached out owes me money but no trust

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Horsegirl
    Thank you so much for the words of wisdom!
    Iím afraid to reach out to him and forgive the money.
    Not sure why...
    I do want him to know that Iíd he ever got sober I would be his friend but am again afraid to tell him that. I think this is the toughest breakup Iíve ever had . Of course I wish I knew that he really wanted to pay me back ...
    He doesnít care about friendship.
    Please donít tell him that! That would be counter productive. Only.

    Send him your bank details and nothing else.

    Donít engage in conversation.

    And write the money off as a bad debt.

    He is only suggesting paying you back , possibly to give you a mere percent of it in order to gain your trust and get more from you.

    Itís up to him , who he reaches out to when or if he gets sober and I donít think it will be you.

    Sorry!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are much better off with someone like this out of your life. You already know the repayment promises are fake.
    Originally Posted by Horsegirl
    He manipulated me, broke promises, stonewalled and gave me the silent treatment throughout our relationship.heís wants to pay me some of what he owes me this week.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Horsegirl
    Thank you so much for the words of wisdom!
    Iím afraid to reach out to him and forgive the money.
    Not sure why...
    I do want him to know that Iíd he ever got sober I would be his friend but am again afraid to tell him that. I think this is the toughest breakup Iíve ever had . Of course I wish I knew that he really wanted to pay me back ...
    Don't contact him about it. Just write it off.

    You want to close doors here, not leave them open.

  4. #14
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    Oh boy ! So much good advice. Itís so hard when you do really love someone and they consistently hurt and treat you poorly.
    There is nothing we canít do to make them want to be a better person. I have no idea if he really cares or ever did, thatís the hardest part right? Iíve got to figure out how to resolve this within myself. Anybody have any good tips on this?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If it's a couple of hundred dollars, I'd block him, as that small amount isn't worth the angst. If he owes you a substantial amount of money, and you don't already have proof of that in writing, I'd get proof. Let's say he owes you two thousand dollars. I'd e-mail or text, however you normally communicate, and ask if he thinks he can swing four payments of $500 and give particular dates spread out. And then if he responds, keep that documentation. And then I'd take him to small claims court instead of dealing with his lies and broken promises. He took advantage of you so don't feel bad about recouping what you're owed in this way.

    As for tips on moving on? Blocking him will allow time and distance to do its work nicely. In my experience, after 4 to 6 months of no contact, I no longer thought of the ex daily and was able to heal and move on. If you put up with someone regularly treating you poorly, it means you lack self esteem, and your man picker won't improve until your self-esteem does. Read books on articles on how to gain self-love. Make sure you also have a fulfilling life besides have a man in your life. Take care.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Horsegirl
    Oh boy ! So much good advice. Itís so hard when you do really love someone and they consistently hurt and treat you poorly.
    There is nothing we canít do to make them want to be a better person. I have no idea if he really cares or ever did, thatís the hardest part right? Iíve got to figure out how to resolve this within myself. Anybody have any good tips on this?
    Blocking and deleting him.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Tell him too e transfer you the money or mail you a cheque. Do not meet him anywhere.

    Alcoholics make the worse partners and hopefully you have figured that out.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Do not tell him if he ever sobers up you are open to anything.

    Do not reach out all.

    When he does contact you, don't engage with him. Just give him options to send the money as others have said. there are soo many ways for him to send money which requires zero contact with you.

    If he does send the money, great. no need to thank him. Its your money.

    Addicts are very unstable until they get their addiction under control which takes at the very least a year.... its a huge personal growth expereince that can be done but with varying degrees of difficult, from very difficult to impossible.

    Addiction changes the wiring in your brain...

    To put any stock in anything he does or says is futile. Addicts are very good at the lies and games to feed the inly thing that matters to them- addiction.... If he is worthy of friendship down the road, well that will be decided then.

    know saying anything like you are there for him even as a friend only sets you up to be manipulated.

    Stay strong. Even if you love him from a far. At some point, you'll just feel sorry for him. He has real problems to deal with and its super hard, but its not your place.

  10. #19
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    And, please do not lend your bfs any more money, especially those who have addiction issues.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Addicts are very unstable until they get their addiction under control which takes at the very least a year....
    It often takes a whole lifetime. And unfortunately many never overcome it at all.

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