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Thread: Do I really know my husband?

  1. #1

    Do I really know my husband?

    8 years ago, I discovered my husband sending romantic emails to other men. I confronted him and he said he was just doing it for attention. We had a 6 month old baby so I tried to let it go. Since then I have caught him in many little lies. Not related to relationships but lies about his career or using marijuana, etc. He deletes all his email and browsing history. I have still not been able to forget my discovery 8 years ago. He never wants to discuss our relationship and acts like everything is fine. Since then we have had two more children but I am really struggling to see "forever" with him. Any similar experiences? Advice?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    How’s the sex life?

    If you’re struggling, have you considered a therapist?

  3. #3
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    Why did you have additional children? You should have left after you found his attraction for men.

  4. #4
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    I have a feeling you know, deep-down, exactly who your husband is but have lived in denial because that truth is a painful one.

    I don't necessarily mean you know all there is to know about him nor all the gory details, but I would place money on your general instincts about him being correct. Men who aren't attracted to men don't suddenly start flirting with men because they want attention. He's more than likely kept that up over the years but taken it further undercover to prevent you from finding out, and covers his tracks partly by deleting his search history and email. He is hiding something there, as you know, and I would be surprised if it wasn't related to his attraction to men.

    So you have a difficult choice in front of you. He won't talk about it but you obviously can't keep this up forever. Your marriage isn't one built on trust or mutual respect. You have to ask yourself how much more you're willing to tolerate. What does that leave you with? Are you prepared to leave? You posted this in the Divorce forum, so I gather you are thinking about leaving him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to talk to your doctor about your findings. It sounds like he may be on the down low and your marriage is a cover up. Get a referral to a therapist. He is leading a double life.
    Originally Posted by Stilllost
    I discovered my husband sending romantic emails to other men. lies about his career or using marijuana, etc.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Do I really know my husband?
    Sure, you found out who he is 8 years ago.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    There are men who like the facade of having a heterosexual life as a smokescreen because of a career and or/ how they appear to family and friends. I've known of two of these cases. One is a woman who was used, married to a Navy man for 15 years before she found out and divorced him. Another is a man who is still married with 3 kids, and his wife knows and she's filled with angst but for her own reasons, is choosing to stay with him.

    My advice is to divorce, as you're sacrificing your one precious life on this planet for someone who is present, but not really emotionally available to you. And then concentrate on getting your children used to a new way of life before venturing to find romance again. I know as an older and wiser person after my first marriage ended, that I was able to choose more wisely the second time around. I hope the same happens for you.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Sure, you found out who he is 8 years ago.
    Yup.........................


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