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Thread: Confused about sexuality!

  1. #1

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    Dec 2018
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    Confused about sexuality!

    I've been feeling really confused. I'm 23, female, and recently got out of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I truly loved him, and we had a great sex life for about the first year. However, over the last several months I started to have a lot of questions about my sexuality. I fantasized about sex with a woman sometimes while we were having sex, and sometimes while masturbating as well. It impacted our sex life because I started to feel like there is this whole other side of me that I haven't explored and don't understand, and I felt like I needed to explore it.

    I decided to try to call myself bisexual and see how that felt. Sometimes that felt ok, but then I also began obsessing over the worry that perhaps I'm just gay. Some background; I have anxiety and OCD, and wonder if me obsessing is related to that (HOCD perhaps) or if I'm just blowing up everything in my mind because I've never actually explored being with a woman, so it's all this huge unknown. I know that I have truly enjoyed sex with men in the past, and I've genuinely fallen in love with them. I miss my ex a lot, I still love him even though the relationship ended. I've never had significant feelings for a woman. However, I can't get this fear out of my head that I'm actually just gay or something.

    I know that I have been experiencing sexual attraction to women. I also know that sexuality if fluid, and perhaps mine is more fluid than others in that I felt very straight for 3 years (from about 19-22). Before that though I did question my sexuality and wondered if I wasn't straight. I always liked men though so it was easy to mostly ignore. Now that all these feelings have come back again I am really confused. I wanted to feel satisfied with my ex, I loved him, but I kept wondering what it would be like to be with a woman. I can't tell if I am just feeling all of this intensified curiosity because I've never been with another woman, or what. I want to learn to accept these feelings in myself. If I was bisexual would it still be normal to feel a need to explore this other side of myself since I have never acted on these thoughts? Any insight or advice would be helpful! :) Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not join an online LGBT support group for discussion? Do you need a specific label? Or do you want to explore things with women as well as men?

  3. #3
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SBella
    I've been feeling really confused. I'm 23, female, and recently got out of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I truly loved him, and we had a great sex life for about the first year. However, over the last several months I started to have a lot of questions about my sexuality. I fantasized about sex with a woman sometimes while we were having sex, and sometimes while masturbating as well. It impacted our sex life because I started to feel like there is this whole other side of me that I haven't explored and don't understand, and I felt like I needed to explore it.

    I decided to try to call myself bisexual and see how that felt. Sometimes that felt ok, but then I also began obsessing over the worry that perhaps I'm just gay. Some background; I have anxiety and OCD, and wonder if me obsessing is related to that (HOCD perhaps) or if I'm just blowing up everything in my mind because I've never actually explored being with a woman, so it's all this huge unknown. I know that I have truly enjoyed sex with men in the past, and I've genuinely fallen in love with them. I miss my ex a lot, I still love him even though the relationship ended. I've never had significant feelings for a woman. However, I can't get this fear out of my head that I'm actually just gay or something.

    I know that I have been experiencing sexual attraction to women. I also know that sexuality if fluid, and perhaps mine is more fluid than others in that I felt very straight for 3 years (from about 19-22). Before that though I did question my sexuality and wondered if I wasn't straight. I always liked men though so it was easy to mostly ignore. Now that all these feelings have come back again I am really confused. I wanted to feel satisfied with my ex, I loved him, but I kept wondering what it would be like to be with a woman. I can't tell if I am just feeling all of this intensified curiosity because I've never been with another woman, or what. I want to learn to accept these feelings in myself. If I was bisexual would it still be normal to feel a need to explore this other side of myself since I have never acted on these thoughts? Any insight or advice would be helpful! :)
    Sexuality is very fluid. Sounds like you're straight, but just curious about same sex. That's okay. You seem to have anxiety around same sex attraction too, which can confuse who and what you are attracted to. Just see it as apart of your sexual personality and it will probably pass. You can be attracted to the same sex and never do anything or not want to really action it or not enjoy it if it happens etc lots of options. Sound like you're feeling vulnerable too and that could be confusing your natural heterosexual state. Don't pressure yourself, just let yourself know you have a side to you that thinks some women are attractive. No need to label yourself or get into the whole oh i must be LGBT etc.

  4. #4

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why not join an online LGBT support group for discussion? Do you need a specific label? Or do you want to explore things with women as well as men?
    I do want to explore things, yes. But I am also afraid of doing that.

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