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Thread: Fiancťe Ended 5 Year Relationship 2 Months Ago Now has someone else

  1. #31
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would not stop texting and calling every day to see how the child is and to ask for pictures... Make it clear that you'd like to make arrangements and keep this out of the courts.
    NO! It's a mistake.

    All respect to you, Lambert, but do NOT trust what your ex has to say. Get a lawyer and have the courts say what is what.

    Please listen to me. I had a friend who was in a very similar situation to you and tried to play nice, the ex ran off with the child and they didn't see the child for years.
    The police won't help, the lawyers told her it was now a much harder case due to trying to find the ex and figure out who was in the wrong and who was telling the truth.

    It can get very ugly and you could be in a position where you don't see your child for a very long time.
    PLEASE get to a LAWYER.

    That way, if she breaks any of the rules and doesn't play fair, she will have the law to deal with.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    o my.... she sounds like a terrible person; bad partner and bad mother. My heart breaks for your child. He must be so confused and miss you terribly.

    Aside from the legal aspect. Do you think your mother or father could call her and make arrangements to see him? Just you alone are easier to ignore.

    I know you don't want to involve your parents, but this could break her silence. If they could be the one to pick him up and start some visits. of course with the quarantine, this probably will have to wait to.

    I would not stop texting and calling every day to see how the child is and to ask for pictures... Make it clear that you'd like to make arrangements and keep this out of the courts.

    The truth is she will at some point have to address why she won't let you see the child.

    Just as she will have to deal with the end of your relationship. She can only hide from the community you two shared (friends, family) and her feelings for so long.

    What a fool this woman is... To do this to the child is inforgiveable imo. As for your future relationships, don't worry about that now. There is something seriously wrong with this woman and you will find love again.

    If they are quarantined together, it could be quite interesting for a new relationship and one based on lies. I would not quit pressuring her. I'd make it perfectly clear, you hope the two cheaters are happy together. but you will have a relationship with your child.

    Thats the other thing. If someone cheats with you, they will cheat on you. We'll see how she feels when he is done playing house with her and moves on....

    Sorry this is happening. what a nightmare.
    I donít want to come across as pestering her when she has completely ignored me, thatís why I have not bombarded her with texts or emails. I have been cordial & formal regarding me seeing/getting him, but as said, I have been completely & utterly ignored, no reply back from anything.

    So, that is why I have not kept messaging/calling/emailing her because it would look like I am pestering her.

    My boy is isolating/quarantine with her at this current time, however, her new guy comes & goes quite the thing (I donít choose to see that, but when she stays at the other end of the street, itís hard not to see at times) that annoys me because it goes against the current advice of not mixing from different households due to the possibility of being a carrier of the virus.

    As for my parents picking him up, at the moment they canít either due to this lockdown & the not mixing with other people rule.

    Only stay/quarantine with immediate family members here in the UK at the moment, that is the government guide/advice just now.

    I also donít think that she would talk to my parents, however, I will speak with them & see if they could maybe call her & see.

    Even a FaceTime call to see my boy I would accept at the moment, I just need to see him & he needs to see me, I only have the videos & pictures of him on my phone at the moment & he will have grown a bit more in the past 2 months.

    She is not a bad mum towards my boy per se, but she is by being like this & it is having an serious effect on me.

    I appreciate your advice, thank you so much.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hurt Man
    I donít want to come across as pestering her when she has completely ignored me, thatís why I have not bombarded her with texts or emails. I have been cordial & formal regarding me seeing/getting him, but as said, I have been completely & utterly ignored, no reply back from anything.

    So, that is why I have not kept messaging/calling/emailing her because it would look like I am pestering her.

    My boy is isolating/quarantine with her at this current time, however, her new guy comes & goes quite the thing (I donít choose to see that, but when she stays at the other end of the street, itís hard not to see at times) that annoys me because it goes against the current advice of not mixing from different households due to the possibility of being a carrier of the virus.

    As for my parents picking him up, at the moment they canít either due to this lockdown & the not mixing with other people rule.

    Only stay/quarantine with immediate family members here in the UK at the moment, that is the government guide/advice just now.

    I also donít think that she would talk to my parents, however, I will speak with them & see if they could maybe call her & see.

    Even a FaceTime call to see my boy I would accept at the moment, I just need to see him & he needs to see me, I only have the videos & pictures of him on my phone at the moment & he will have grown a bit more in the past 2 months.

    She is not a bad mum towards my boy per se, but she is by being like this & it is having an serious effect on me.

    I appreciate your advice, thank you so much.
    Maybe this maternal instinct as opposed to paternal, but I don't give a flip who I'm pestering if its about my kid. And I'd also call out his coming and going, as a risk to my child.

    And I respectfully disagree... a good mother does not keep the child from their father.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    OP, that is not playing dirty. That is being smart! Do you want to lose rights to your son too? If you keep being soft, she could make things very bad for you when it comes to your child.

    Now is not the time to "let things go" or try to be "friends"....it won't get you anywhere and it certainly won't have her suddenly wake up thinking you're prince charming.
    She is a liar and a cheater. She betrayed you.
    Your job now is to place that aside for now, keep your head on straight and get custody rights put in place for YOUR child. You don't need her for that, you don't need her permission or to inform her.
    In fact informing her could be against you as she could be even worse for you.

    Talk to a lawyer, get help with your son. Do this NOW. Do not hesitate or mess about. What matters here is your child, not her, not her partner in betrayal...push it all aside for now and be a father.

    Make sure you don't lose custody or rights to him.
    This, is exactly what I have to do.

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Unless it's in a court document...nothing is certain.

    DO NOT trust her or what she says. Get a court to say what is what.
    In the UK, you have automatic paternity rights if you are on the birth certificate from May 2006 onwards, that I do know.

    I will look up a good lawyer because I donít want to lose my boy.

    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    This is terrible. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.

    You have received some solid advice. Please seek a good lawyer when things have lifted. I don't understand how it would be playing dirty? This woman has cheated on you thrown you out of your home and is keeping you from your child. You need to take some action. I am certain you could start the process with a video chat with a lawyer. You do not want to lose rights to your child. Time to be smart and strong!
    Thank you, I am going to do exactly what has been advised by you & others here, by contacting a good family lawyer.

    What I meant by not playing dirty was, I never thought for a second when we broke up that it would be like this, being cast aside & cut off so coldly, not ever, so I did not think about contacting lawyers, as that would have been playing dirty. However, now, itís a totally different ball game.

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    NO! It's a mistake.

    All respect to you, Lambert, but do NOT trust what your ex has to say. Get a lawyer and have the courts say what is what.

    Please listen to me. I had a friend who was in a very similar situation to you and tried to play nice, the ex ran off with the child and they didn't see the child for years.
    The police won't help, the lawyers told her it was now a much harder case due to trying to find the ex and figure out who was in the wrong and who was telling the truth.

    It can get very ugly and you could be in a position where you don't see your child for a very long time.
    PLEASE get to a LAWYER.

    That way, if she breaks any of the rules and doesn't play fair, she will have the law to deal with.
    This is what scares me, I donít want things to end up that way. I have not bombarded her with text/calls/emails due to not wanting to be seen as a pest, however, I cannot just sit back & take this or being treated like this when I have done nothing wrong towards her.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Maybe this maternal instinct as opposed to paternal, but I don't give a flip who I'm pestering if its about my kid. And I'd also call out his coming and going, as a risk to my child.
    ABSOLUTELY!!

    Who gives a damn if you rock her little world of comfort right now...THIS IS YOUR CHILD. If you damn well want Facetime, you demand it!!

    Do it now or you could be at risk of being accused of abandoning and not caring. Make a point of writing down every single time you contacted her to ask about your child or asked to see him.
    Make note of each time she answered and what her response was..if she said yes or no.
    Log all Skype/Facetime/Zoom calls with your son if allowed.

    It ALL matters. The more proof you have of being interested in your child and pushing to be part of his life, the more in your favour it will be.

    You have a right to talk to him every single day if you choose to...EVERY SINGLE DAY.
    That is your blood, your child as much as hers.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What I meant by not playing dirty was, I never thought for a second when we broke up that it would be like this, being cast aside & cut off so coldly, not ever, so I did not think contacting about lawyers, as that would have been playing dirty. However, now, itís a totally different ball game.
    You read this over and over when you allow your feelings to take over and doubt whether you should contact a lawyer or doubt whether she is a nice person or not.

    "Cast aside and cut off coldly" This now her true colors and what you can come to expect now.

    Do not let it go, and let it go, until she has cut you off from your son. It can happen very easily...she has shown you how much she cares about you and your feelings.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Screenshot your emails or texts to her as well and her replies.

    Show the courts that you WANT to be a father and in this kids life..prove that you asked ask much as possible to see him and talk to him.

    It will matter.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    ABSOLUTELY!!

    Who gives a damn if you rock her little world of comfort right now...THIS IS YOUR CHILD. If you damn well want Facetime, you demand it!!

    Do it now or you could be at risk of being accused of abandoning and not caring. Make a point of writing down every single time you contacted her to ask about your child or asked to see him.
    Make note of each time she answered and what her response was..if she said yes or no.
    Log all Skype/Facetime/Zoom calls with your son if allowed.

    It ALL matters. The more proof you have of being interested in your child and pushing to be part of his life, the more in your favour it will be.

    You have a right to talk to him every single day if you choose to...EVERY SINGLE DAY.
    That is your blood, your child as much as hers.
    Thank you, that is what I am going to do, tomorrow I will text or email her again, asking to see/speak to him on FaceTime & see what happens.

    Originally Posted by Hurt Man
    This, is exactly what I have to do.



    In the UK, you have automatic paternity rights if you are on the birth certificate from May 2006 onwards, that I do know.

    I will look up a good lawyer because I donít want to lose my boy.



    Thank you, I am going to do exactly what has been advised by you & others here, by contacting a good family lawyer.

    What I meant by not playing dirty was, I never thought for a second when we broke up that it would be like this, being cast aside & cut off so coldly, not ever, so I did not think about contacting lawyers, as that would have been playing dirty. However, now, itís a totally different ball game.



    This is what scares me, I donít want things to end up that way. I have not bombarded her with text/calls/emails due to not wanting to be seen as a pest, however, I cannot just sit back & take this or being treated like this when I have done nothing wrong towards her.
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You read this over and over when you allow your feelings to take over and doubt whether you should contact a lawyer or doubt whether she is a nice person or not.

    "Cast aside and cut off coldly" This now her true colors and what you can come to expect now.

    Do not let it go, and let it go, until she has cut you off from your son. It can happen very easily...she has shown you how much she cares about you and your feelings.
    My mum said the same about her showing how much she cares about me now. I am feeling more angry now when I read this because of how she has made me look & feel (my ex fiancťe, not my mum)

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Screenshot your emails or texts to her as well and her replies.

    Show the courts that you WANT to be a father and in this kids life..prove that you asked ask much as possible to see him and talk to him.

    It will matter.
    I will do exactly that tomorrow. I will let everyone know what the outcome of this will be.

    Again, thank you all so much, I didnít expect so much help & knowledge & advice.

    You are all wonderful people, I cannot thank you all enough.

    I canít do anything right now, as it is currently 9:20pm here, my boy goes to bed at 7pm. But definitely tomorrow, the battle starts & I will keep everyone updated.

    Thank you all so much.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hurt man, look at it more as being a smart man who loves his son and doesn't want to lose him.

    Your genes are 50% of him. She can't keep him from you.

    If she says no, or gives you excuses. Screenshot it, save it, but DO NOT retaliate.

    You want to be seen as a responsible person who isn't fueled by hate or anger or revenge. You want to be a loving father who will not give up on being with his child.
    Because right now, that's what matter's most.

    But yes, please seek counselling from a lawyer as soon as you can. They can give you much better legal advice on where to go from here.

    Keep us updated. Many of us have gone through what you are going through and we survived it.
    You're not alone.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Hurt man, look at it more as being a smart man who loves his son and doesn't want to lose him.

    Your genes are 50% of him. She can't keep him from you.

    If she says no, or gives you excuses. Screenshot it, save it, but DO NOT retaliate.

    You want to be seen as a responsible person who isn't fueled by hate or anger or revenge. You want to be a loving father who will not give up on being with his child.
    Because right now, that's what matter's most.

    But yes, please seek counselling from a lawyer as soon as you can. They can give you much better legal advice on where to go from here.

    Keep us updated. Many of us have gone through what you are going through and we survived it.
    You're not alone.

    Itís not that she will say no or give me excuses, itís the fact that she is just totally ignoring me, no matter what I say regarding our/my boy, it is just total silence from her.

    I will definitely update tomorrow on what is happening,

    I will email her again tomorrow, asking to see/get our boy & see what she does, it will more
    Than likely be silence/ignored again. I also donít intend to retaliate on anything that may arise.

    Thank you so much.

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