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Thread: ex girlfriend advice

  1. #1
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    ex girlfriend advice

    Hello,

    About 10/11 days ago, I posted here asking for some advice on the best way to go about trying to make my ex change her mind about not wanting a fresh start. I had blocked her on all social media on the day I first posted on this forum. I didn't block her phone number, so she knew she could contact me if she had changed her mind. If you are interested in the situation that I was in, you can read back over the previous post.

    The no contact since then has been good and most of the advice I received was very helpful. I've come to the realization that really, I think it's too late to go back and I'm happy with moving on with my life without her. We broke up at the end of January and she hasn't budged so I have accepted it.

    The advice I'm looking for isn't about trying to start things over. To be honest, I've been good without seeing her social media and it has helped but I'm stuck. I feel like maybe I should unblock her and try to get used to seeing her move on with her life. I'm kind of thinking that, what if I unblock her some time down the line and all of the feelings come back when I see something I don't like? Would it be smart to just get used to seeing her stuff? Not lurking on her activities but just having her there.

    One of my previous ex's blocked me after we broke up and we haven't re friended online since but that was a few years ago so I'm well over that now. What I'm trying to say is that having an ex blocked out of my life worked for me before but there's a big difference between the two break ups. That difference being, my previous ex and I ended really badly where as I ended on good terms with my most recent ex. Basically I don't know if blocking is the right thing to do this time around.

    Its hard to talk about with friend's and family because there's so much bigger things going on in the world right now. Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    An ex is an ex for a reason. Leave her blocked and get on with your life. You will not move forward if you keep looking at what she's doing. Time to move on.

  3. #3
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    Keep her blocked until you're indifferent about the idea of seeing photos of her with a new boyfriend. If you're still uncomfortable with that notion, you're not ready to unblock her.

    But honestly? By the time you reach that point, you probably won't care about having her as a social media contact anymore anyway.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's up to you whether you want contact or not. Delete/block is for you to reflect in peace, it's not to spur activity from an ex. Don't follow any of those get-your-ex-back scammers.

    Why not go through your contact lists and reach out to people? Contact friends, family, coworkers, classmates, etc with a brief 'checking in, how are you doing?' message. It's kind thing to do and will get your mind off these exes.
    Originally Posted by samyc123
    I don't know if blocking is the right thing to do this time around.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The whole point of 'acceptance' is to move FORward. That means no seeking views of her in your rearview mirror. That would only pull you backward into rumination--and for what purpose?

    Keep your eyes on your own road ahead, and you will thank yourself later.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Nope, keep her blocked forever. It doesn't matter if your break up is terrible or amicable. The point is that this person in no longer a part of your life and that needs to stay that way. This isn't just for you, but also for your future dating and relationships. It's never a good look if you are dragging a train of ex's behind you whether being friends, friendly, or following on social media. All it will do is signal to your future partner that you are not over your past and they may look at that and next you. Don't sabotage yourself.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I gather you came here to be talked off the ledge. I agree, there is no reason at all to keep her in your life and that isn't a bad thing. Obviously you are still in the healing process...stage 4, the relapse....the urge to contact your ex again. I hope everyone here is making a lot of sense to you :) You will get through it, just keep busy, maybe find ways to have some fun to help forget her for a little while.

  9. #8
    The no contact rule is a good one the follow, but ultimately it's up to you and your choice. I agree with the indifference. If you're not indifferent, then really consider your motives. Breaks up are more difficult if they end on great terms, example, such as you were friends before dating and now that friendship is missing in your life, much less now you have lost that person altogether. If I was you I would examine what lead up to the break up in the first place and if it's something in your control that's a major red flag start working on yourself if it's something you don't like about yourself. If it's just the way you are and it doesn't matter to you then you are fine. I didn't read your other post, so I am lacking information here.

    Moving on if you have even the slightest bit of hope won't be possible if you have contact with her. I know it's extremely difficult and it probably still hurts to some degree or another. Learn from the pain, never compromise yourself or your values, don't change yourself for anyone, but rather always work on changing the things YOU (not anyone else) Don't like about yourself. I am talking on the inside a lot more than the outside. Always strive to be a better you in the future and really learn to be your best friend and love yourself without guilt. Guilt and remorse aren't the same thing. Remorse is when you feel bad for something you did and plan on trying to change it and guilt is feeling sorry you got caught and hurt someone else in the process of whatever it was.

    So I can am probably a little bias here, because after a while when I broke up with my ex, I missed our friendship more than anything and I love him dearly. I cannot allow myself back into a relationship with him though because he hurt my heart 3 times really badly. We were great friends before our relationship and I believe it should have stopped there. I broke up with him. He didn't see the problems but now through help is able to see his issues. He says he is working on changing them. I used the no contact rule until I knew that I was strong enough not to get back together with him. I am also working on my defects that I didn't like about me when in our relationship. I have no plans on seeing anyone else until I am sure to know and love myself even more than I do, because I don't believe I have enough love for myself yet. I'm going to school, and reading books that actually help and many other things. I am not sure if this will help you but I hope it does Ultimately it's up to you because only you know what's best for you. Love is never easy and I wish you the best.


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