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Thread: partner wants me to lose weight

  1. #1
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    partner wants me to lose weight

    we've been seeing each other for about a year now. now, my weight-related insecurities have gone on for as long as i remember. i've had periods where i've lost weight but i've seemed to gain it back in the longrun. i'm 20 years old weighing around 69kg standing at around 160cm. i know i could afford to lose a bit and i know i've gained some since we've started dating. my partner takes pride in his health, wakes up early every day and religiously goes to the gym for at least 1.5 hours daily and while he does indulge in making me happy by going out and eating desserts and sweet drinks with me, he also has been reminding me a lot more lately that i need to watch what i eat. today, he actually found it hard to get it up (ahem) and after a lot of prying, he reluctantly revealed that it might be because of my stomach. he says he doesn't want to sound like a jerk, tries to say that he just wishes i'd be fitter and a bit more slim but i'm concerned that this is only going to put a strain on our relationship in the following weeks to come. the thing is i've actually wanted to badly lose weight too for a while now but just knowing my relationship somewhat depends on it now causes me hurt and i'm not sure how to go about it.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you are incompatible. You need to end things with him. He is making you feel bad about yourself and that is toxic to relationships.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If he canít accept you for you he needs to go.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You say you'd like to lose weight so why are you eating desserts and drinking sweet things? Doing the math you are about 152 lbs and around 5'4" so you do not appear to be grossly overweight.

    I have a weight problem too, so I understand how hard it is to lose excess pounds. But I also have diabetes so I understand the need to eat better and carefully.

    You should lose weight because you want to, not because some guy doesnt like your size. You need to strive to try to do better, for your own health or you could regret it down the line.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I was just talking to a friend about this sort of thing. We were basically saying, that we all know plenty of woman that have been with guys that pulled this crap. But! None of these woman stayed with those guys.

    Easy for him to blame his lack on your stomach.

    The long story short, the only weight you need to lose is this guy and the weight of his judgment. Flip the script on him and say you're turned off by his lack of true love for who actually are.

    You deserve so much better. This guy needs to grow up and learn what love actually is. And it's not your job to fix him.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I assume this is the same guy from your previous thread, (Aug'19). With that said, how were you able to resolve those issues during that time?

    In short, it may be helpful to ask yourself why you're allowing him to drag you down/disrespect you.

  8. #7
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    "so update: looool
    - two weeks ago, i asked him about a girl ive seen him tagging in comments on posts cause they sounded flirty.
    - he told me shes a friend he met back in august and then breaks things off with me within a half hour.
    - two days later, i come across more evidence that it was too coincidental so i ask her myself and find out he lied about who she was and they've been flirting and organising to meet up for a date and she never knew of who i was.
    - he confronts me angrily basically calling me bitter and salty
    - im mostly angry cause if i didnt ask about who the girl was that night, idk when he would've broken it off with me while still talking to her.
    - i block him on everything
    - a week later the girl calls me crying and i tell her of all the bad signs to look out for and she tells me he doesnt want a relationship with her either, at least not for 5 years and he wants her to detach herself from him and they should "turn things down a notch" but they still talk everyday constantly so idk how he's expecting her to not be attached
    - he picked up his jacket from me and apologised about everything and tells me of all the reasons why she's not a "keeper" and why he's not into her like that and all these things about her personality
    - this conflicts with what shes been telling me as he wants to keep talking to her but theyre keeping things "casual" and "seeing how we go" but he still doesnt want a relationship so shes heartbroken but shes gonna keep going and keep her guard up
    - he says he believes somewhere down the road, were gonna reconnect and resume what we were doing before to which i turned down so now he wants to hang as friends and watch a movie on thursday
    - do i tell her about these things he's said to me?? i don't want to seem like I'm trying to sabotage things between them and it should be their business"

    You posted this in August. Why are you still with this guy? Do you usually date people who make you feel less than and disrespect you?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Lose weight, eat smart and get fit on your own accord; not due to what he wants you to do for his aesthetic preference. Take care of your health intelligently for the sake of your heart health. If not, be with a guy whom you can relate such as sharing a similar lifestyle to yours, similar body type, similar diet, similar activity level, etc. Be evenly yoked with your partner.

  10. #9
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    You don't actually sound that overweight, maybe only chubby. In any case, I think you should actually dump this guy. I understand he's healthy and fit and all that but he's also shallow. In my opinion you don't have to do everything he's doing like going to the gym for two hours every single day. I personally don't like the gym. I find it really boring and expensive and I prefer to just go for a walk in nature.

    I think unless someone is pretty overweight and eats a lot of junk food, people have no right to tell them to lose weight and whatever. Some people are just naturally bigger than others. We are all different shapes and sizes. Some people eat bad, smoke, drink but because they're slim nobody body shames them.

    Honestly I would get rid of this guy. At the end of the day he's not attracted to you and he is plainly telling you that. You deserve someone who finds you attractive and many guys would. Some guys even prefer curvy or full figured women. One of my male friends is hot and he likes voluptuous women. So why waste your time on this guy when you have other guys out there who would like you as you are?

  11. #10
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by femindelicat
    we've been seeing each other for about a year now. now, my weight-related insecurities have gone on for as long as i remember. i've had periods where i've lost weight but i've seemed to gain it back in the longrun. i'm 20 years old weighing around 69kg standing at around 160cm. i know i could afford to lose a bit and i know i've gained some since we've started dating. my partner takes pride in his health, wakes up early every day and religiously goes to the gym for at least 1.5 hours daily and while he does indulge in making me happy by going out and eating desserts and sweet drinks with me, he also has been reminding me a lot more lately that i need to watch what i eat. today, he actually found it hard to get it up (ahem) and after a lot of prying, he reluctantly revealed that it might be because of my stomach. he says he doesn't want to sound like a jerk, tries to say that he just wishes i'd be fitter and a bit more slim but i'm concerned that this is only going to put a strain on our relationship in the following weeks to come. the thing is i've actually wanted to badly lose weight too for a while now but just knowing my relationship somewhat depends on it now causes me hurt and i'm not sure how to go about it.
    He sounds like a typical shallow fitness freak male-into the physical, over the emotional. Pretty shallow actually. The losing weight advice he is giving is good if he really deeply loved you and wanted you to improve your health and look good as a bonus. Sounds like a gym rat and prob needs to be with a girl who is into looking slim and gyming it all the time, but god forbid she starts putting weight on too,,,he will be not happy again and dump her-maybe he needs to get with one of his gym rat buddies and they can both admire each others 8 pacs! Slight case of male gym narcissism i'd say!! I would sit him down and tell him it's hurting you and you are trying and if he continues with the put downs , then might be better you both assess if you are compatible. It is very hard to lose weight and harder for some, takes someone to just have some empathy and love to understand and help you through it. Find a NICE GENUINE LOVING SUPPORTIVE SENSITIVE CARING GUY
    Last edited by dion333; 04-06-2020 at 10:38 PM.

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