Are we on break or am I an idiot?....

So recently among all this coronavirus craziness my girlfriend has asked for some space and then for us to take a break in our relationship.

In order to explain why though

I feel I need to go to the beginning and explain a lot so you understand why I’m confused and hopeful in all this.

(And yes it’s a looooong one so any insight on this IS GREATLY APPRECIATED)

(Also my age: 23 her age: 20 if that matters)

We met a couple years ago but really started talking here n there in the middle of last year.

I will refer to my girlfriend, or on break girlfriend? Recent still maybe girlfriend? Don’t know what I can call her....BUT ILL REFER TO HER AS “KAT”

so me and KAT finally added eachother on social media around that time but I still wasn’t sure if she liked me or If she found me attractive both personality and look wise.

Kat was cool to me (and I don’t like someone right away I just think they’re cool and I want to get to know them more before I actually like them)

But me not knowing and us talking on a here and there basis I didn’t give my hopes up and eventually got involved in another relationship.

When KAT found out, after us not talking for a while, she dm’d me asking “you have a girlfriend!?” And I replied something to “yes is that ok?” Me being confused and she replied to that with “no :( .......” and my heart immediately broke because I realized I messed up...

(Later on come to find out from KAT she drunk dm’d me that after talking with her best friend about me for a while since we started talking on that “here and there” basis. KAT said she’d always talk to her best friend about me and that one night she drank a bit too much and her feelings just came out and she sent me that after stalking my Social media pages of course which yes she also admitted to later on)

After that exchange I would still message KAT but she wouldn’t respond or send me any of our usual here n there messages.

And Ever since that message my feelings for her came completely back at full speed now knowing, so I got out of the relationship I was in and then focused on KAT as a friend first before we got to knowing eachother.

Right after I got out of that relationship, I didn’t message KAT right away but would just reply to stories on Instagram like I usually would etc and I didn’t even tell her I was single.

A few days later after me becoming single she DM’d me a “hey” at 2AM so I replied hey back and she asked “what happened with your relationship” and of course I told her it just didn’t work”

How did KAT know I was single again?

Now what you have to understand about me is ive never posted about any girl I’ve been talking to in the past or even been with in the past just because honestly I didn’t know how long it would last and didn’t wanna seem like I kept failing at relationships or was talking to different girls all the time AND I like keeping that stuff from my family who follow me on Instagram. Any girl I’ve been with I’ve never brought around my family.

My family basically thought I’ve never had a girlfriend.

So with that being said, I didn’t have any pictures or anything on my Instagram and KAT and I do follow eachother on twitter but on twitter me and the ex had a few brief exchanges on there but I deleted them after I called off that relationship.

So (and I know for a fact) KAT looked at my EXES twitter and saw my name was off her bio, that my ex got rid of a few pictures she had of us and etc.

So getting back on track, I tell KAT it didn’t workout, didn’t ask how she knew, and from that point we go back on our here and there talking format.

Eventually she sends me a photo message on Instagram (the snapchat like message thing they have on there) and the picture wasn’t anything “risqué” it was just of her cat (literal feline cat) so I replied back with a picture of a dog that was on a commercial on tv and said somethin like “good boi” and as simple as that sounds from that point on we started messaging like that EVERY DAY from that point on.

And keep in mind even though I see her as the most beautiful girl in the world, and yes I still do, I was only and truly acting as her friend at this point. I deeply cared about her No matter what of course but wanted to still know her better so I could know if I truly liked KAT.

So We both just said short little things and didn’t need to have long ol conversations in every message. We both were the same in that regard.

Eventually in messages, sentences did get longer and more personal and we really started to click and got to know eachother.

Then I give her my number so we start texting that way sometimes and one night we’re both at different parties...

She texts me “hey if you can come by to this party when and if you’re done with yours we can hang” so time passes and I tell her ok I’m on my way, we see we’re not too close too each other and she tells me she realizes her and her friend we’re gonna go see a movie but followed with “but I really just want to see you so I’ll be here!”

She then FaceTimes me while driving and asks if I want to go with her and her friend (who is a guy by the way) to the movies. KAT says “I just want to see you and it’ll be fun!”

So I get there first, buy the tickets, and they finally get there and we meet up.

SHE tries to gives me a hug, after I’ve seen her say stuff or like stuff on twitter along the lines of “why can’t my guy friends just dap (fist bump or whatever when you greet someone) me up When they say hi? why do they try to hug me”

So I jokingly decline and say “what happened to daps only for guy friends?” She laughs and says “well not you!” And we hug and then KAT adds in “oh wow..you ARE taller than I’m not used to that”

She’s a tall girl keep in mind.

So we watch the movie and half way through she steps out to use the restroom and then texts me to come out, so I do, we have a whole conversation, while her friend is still inside the movie, and she looks worried and tells me “I feel really bad but I think I drank too much at the party and I’m starting to feel really tired and drowsy I don’t know what to do”

So I tell her it’s fine, we have all the time in the world to hang again and to go home and get her rest. So she listened we hugged and that was that. Our first meet up if you will. And I still laugh about it to this day it was just funny to me and meant a lot that she wanted to see me right?

Again all of this is taking place from mid November to early December and during all this her cat Got very sick all of a sudden and passed. KAT was devastated as she was a big animal person and she always felt Her cat was always gonna be her best friend and would comfort her.

KAT has had a rough history through her life and yes some problems she has in her head And has a few mental things where she thinks certain ways, but im a very similar way mentally and think in same ways she does and in this situation completely understood where she was coming from in this situation having lost my dog who was my best friend the year before.

So KAT was already having a rough 2019 with unfortunate family stuff, friends And loved ones ditching her, and now her little furry best friend passed.

I was with her through some of it and helped her the best I could I hope.

Come christmas time I took a picture of her cat who passed and made it a painting and then I went on a website and they printed it on a big canvas.

It arrived after Christmas but that was fine.

Now, during all this she had asked to hang out first of course, and then I would occasionally ask BUT sometimes she would say Nevermind only because she was nervous to be around new people and didn’t want to come off to me as awkward or anything and meeting new people is a lot to her. I respected that of course and was fine. Her well being is always in my interest.

So fast forward to the day before New Year’s Eve, I have the cat painting for her now and we’re talking and I ask her if she wants to come to my friends New Years party with me.

She says she’d love to but she’ll think about.

The next day, New Year’s Eve, she messages me “I wanna go out tonight let’s go to your friends”

So now she’s gonna meet up at my house and we’re just gonna go. So I finally have to tell my parents “hey I’m going tonight with a girl, she’s just a friend, we’re just gonna meet up outside and go” so they say fine.

KAT gets to my house, we go and get to the party and then my friend who’s throwing it asks if I brought one of my gaming consoles.

I didn’t of course so we go back to my house and while we’re in my driveway I tell KAT I’ll be back and she jokes and says “oh what I can’t meet mom n dad??”

Now like I said before I’ve NEVER had any girl meet my family. Let alone someone ive only met a time and a half.

BUT....I said “sure come in then if you wanna meet em so bad!” And she did and it just felt natural to me for the first time. I didn’t even think about it. So she meets parents, We grab the console and go back

So night goes on and we’re finally leaving the party and are in my car.

I have the cat painting in my back seat covered and before we leave I Tell her “hey, I know it’s been a rough year for you but we’re starting 2020 right and now you’re a very close friend of mine and close homies get gifts! Sorry this is late.”

So I give her the painting and she’s speechless for a cool minute and then just keeps saying stuff like “oh my god...no way... oh my god it’s my kitty! I love this!” And she didn’t cry but I could hear her voice changing and it was just very satisfying for me that she loved It.

We get back to my place where her cars at and before she leaves she tells me “no ones ever gotten me something this meaningful, not even my family, and it means so much right now and I’m happy I forced myself out of my comfort zone and hung out with you tonight” and we deep hugged it out and that was that.

And no there was no New Year’s Eve kissing and I was fine with that!

Me getting the painting, wasnt me thinking some dumb thought of “oh this is a great way to get her to like me or get laid”

That was the Very last thought on my mind NOT EVEN A THOUGHT while doing all this. I got it because as her friend I knew she deserved something important to her and all I wanted was for her to cap off a tough year with some bright hopeful vibes for the future.

So we’re still talking of course and then two days later she asks to come over and hang out at my house. So we do and my parents meet her again and we hang in my room.

Throughout all this she seems a lot more comfortable with me and starts to randomly tickle me and says she “likes tickling people” and little things like that.

And we do this for a while throughout January and of course we kept our respectful space at first and about the 4th time we hang out We got closer...

We’d always switch off on who got to use my pillow for their back when we’d sit on my bed and have our backs against the wall.

So we’re playfully giving it back and forth and I finally said “you know what let’s share it!”

So I put it between us and pull her closer to me on it and I joke and say “hey how does this feel?” And I put my arm around her and she jokes back but then after says in a different tone KAT says “...that actually felt very nice” and I agreed with her.

The next time we hang out it’s late and we’re downstairs and we get into deep talking.

And she says “you know right?” And I ask KAT “know what?” But I’m smiling like a punk because I know what she’s talking about and she sees it and tells me back “you know but you’re just trying to make me say it!” And I admitted I was and she finally said “you know....I have feelings for you....I just didn’t want to say it and mess up our relationship we have now”

So I told her I have feelings for her too and of course reassured her I wasn’t just saying that.

She was shocked about how calm I was talking about this and I told her I’m chill when it comes to stuff like this and that we both like eachother so why be nervous.

KAT then added that it made her nervous for a quick second because her ex had a too chill demeanor about things which scared her but she then told me “but you’re not LIKE him. That’s the only thing and it’s fine. I like you”

Then after we both admitted our feelings I asked her how she wants to approach our relationship now.

That’s when she told me that for a while she didn’t want a relationship and even identified herself as aromantic and didn’t want any title put in our relationship we had already.

She also felt like she messed up relationships in her past and says she’s always had a hard time maintaining any kind of relationship really.

So I was fine with that and I told KAT “ok then we’ll just be friends for now, we still like eachother, we have a good thing going on, let’s keep it at that I’m down for it”

So we agreed and that was that.

We knew we liked eachother and we’re both content with being friends.

Now to also add to this, another reason we click so well is because we’re not big lovey kinda people or show any kind of extra affection you might see in your average relationship.

For example when you see a guy walking with his arm around his girls shoulder, or kissing in public or even holding hands!

We never did that too much in past relationships on both sides or we would always get talked bad on by whoever we were with at the time in the past.

However as time went on we found eachother doing little “romantic things” and showing much more attraction than usual.

And I surprised myself at how I was acting more affectionate.

And the first time she noticed herself acting the same way she said “wow, I’ve never been this love dovey (affectionate) towards anyone.”

So back on track, we admit our feelings for eachother, we still stay friends and now two days later from that...we have our first kiss.

We were in my room talking and engaged in some play fighting and she went to her tickling .

And we would of course joke and make fun of eachother. So when she would KAT was getting close to my face a lot and I noticed it so I went really close to her face and then whispered “ha you thought huh”

And she told me “listen if you wanna kiss me just get it over with already” so I played back and said “hey man YOURE the one that wants to.”

And as she was replying back I pulled her in and we kissed, we pulled out, then went back in for another kiss, she got on top of me and we just started making out.

Of course explaining our “lack of affection“ topic when we were done making out we didn’t smile at eachother we just said somethin like “that was cool thanks man” and then we’d laugh about it.

Then when she left that night we kissed goodbye too.

Keep in mind we’re still just “friends” during all this.

So we keep going and times passing and I’ll bring up now I haven’t met here parents yet and still to this day haven’t.

She says they’re very strict and it worries her what they’ll think of her having any kind of boyfriend. BUT she talks to them about me as a friend and they know about me and I know because KAT records conversations she and her parents have at dinners because they’re funny and they talk about me. And I’ve never been over her home because her step dad is a bit protective when it comes to boys. So before you start thinking “ohhh man first red flag”, her parents don’t know about you and her, step dads strict when it comes to “boyfriends” she probably doesn’t want you around there!” And that’s not it.

They know about me I just said that and before this coronavirus thing we all were gonna go to a hockey game and finally meet but that same weekend is when all the sport leagues closed shop to stop spread.

SO BACK ON TIMELINE TRACK

We’re in February it’s Valentine’s Day...

I’ve never had the urge to get any girl anything around that time if I was talking to any.

But KAT...was different and I wanted to really make her smile and make her day.

So thinking way too hard about what to get her I finally said DUH FLOWERS

So I got her flowers, a necklace and some chocolate. Everyone loves chocolate right!?

So I’m not expecting anything in return from her and I’m fine with it. Again it’s not our style so she’s probably not expecting anything either.

So she comes over and finally I tell her I got something for her. So I take everything out and she’s shocked! Smiling she says thank you and gives me a hug and kiss and then tells me “I didn’t know we were doing presents this early! Yours is in my car still I was gonna get it later on in the night! I’ll get it now!” And that shocked me!

So she goes and get it.

I’m opening the bag and there’s kombucha on top (I love that stuff), an awesome new hoodie, and finally at the bottom a little note that says “to ***k” (my name)

She’s looking really nervous as I open it.

She had to make sure I opened it right because I was supposed to open it in folds.

As I opened the first fold it said “DO YOU...”

I open the next and it says “WANT TO...”

I start becoming confused and a little shakey (first time that’s happened to me as well)

And I open the last fold and it says...

“BE MY BOYFRIEND?”

Shocked, I look at her and ask her “KAT...are you serious? Is this a joke??” Because we joke around A LOT.”

She looks at me with a happy/nervous smile and tells me “no. I’m serious”

And I ask her if she’s sure because I know she said she hasn’t wanted a relationship for a long time and I always respected that.

She then tells me “yes I’m sure I talked to jake (another of her guy friends not the same one that went to the movies with us) and he said to go for it because I’ve been feeling all these things that I haven’t felt before and he said to just do it since you make me happy”

So OF COURSE I said yes and we kissed but after we did what I said we never did before...we just kind of looked at eachother and smiled.

We’d always joke around and called showing affection “being soft” since we never have.

So KAT tells me after “damn we’re pretty soft!”

And we just start laughing.

It’s one of the best days of my life and I feel blessed/honored/privileged, you name it, that she asked ME to be her boyfriend.

So time keeps going and one day as we’re just laying in my bed she tells me “laying here with you is dangerously comfortable. The most I’ve ever been” of course I ask “uhhh is that a good thing?” And KAT laughs and says “YES! I feel so comfortable with you”

And I share with her I’ve felt and am doing things ive never Felt or done for other girls in the past and she said “same here this is wild!”

And eventually I was so comfortable with her I brought her to a couple family functions, at her comfort of course, and again IVE NEVER BROUGHT A GIRL AROUND MY FAMILY but KAT was different.

Still with me? Thank you so much if you are it really means a lot right now if anyone listens and helps...

Since you’re still here youre still wondering by now ok what’s going wrong

Now that I’ve caught you up with the “brief version” of mine and KATS history we come to now...

We live in California (USA, don’t know if I need to be that specific?) and at the beginning of March things of course really began popping off with coronavirus

we hung out a few times and then the country began its “quarantine” protocol....

KAT was worried with the pandemic going on so we agreed that we’ll stay home so each of our families could stay well as our parents are all up there in age and are considered “high risk”

Now...I have to go back, sorry, and explain some of the Things we’ve run into and worked through

Throughout this entire relationship...

Now the way KAT works is sometimes when something’s wrong KAT needs a little space and then she’ll come back and talk about it.

She’ll do that Both through text and in person.

Example: one time I said the wrong thing jokingly not knowing yet and KAT became quiet l, said she was fine, then she’d go to the bathroom, come back and then explain to me what was wrong and what she didn’t like.

On top of that both of us tend to overthink a lot and get in our own heads and we make up things that we think MIGHT be happening but ARE NOT however we know that everything is ok but still think “what if...”

And yes we both are mentally sound for the most part of course but we do both have our own mental states , that I believe are actually somewhat similar.

we were brought up differently but those experiences were similar to where I believe we understood each other.

And like the example I just put we had other instances like that BUT we got through every one and whichever pace we needed to and I made sure I made her know she was fine and I made her comfortable to the point of her feeling ok again in those moments.

We’ve asked certain things for reassurance at times and vented to each other

We’ve gotten through a lot, even a pregnancy scare, yeah I’m gonna start gettin a little more deep here...

So before our first week of quarantine, news of the virus is getting around and KAT starts getting worried and doesn’t know what we should do.

We’re both germaphobes and KAT is more germaphobic when it comes to people being sick. She hates being sick and it worry’s her.

So We hang out once before and then the first week they start telling certain food places to close And all that, of course some are still open and she want to eat at some place by her house which surprised me with everything going on.

Then I ask if she wants to come over that Friday for our usual hanging out and she says her Step parents aren’t too ok with it because cops started following people and making sure they’re going to essential places only so I say ok.

Fast forward a couple weeks and of course we’re keeping in touch, FaceTimes, texting and we even play online pc games together.

However the quarantine/ isolation part of it was getting to us and messing with our heads and neither of us expected we’d miss one another as much and that was getting to us too

But we worked through and made the best of what we had.

But a friend (this ones a girl) she’s been recently fixing her relationship with Asks if she want to hang out at KATS house. KAT wasn’t sure if she should but I told her go for it.

Because her and this friend used to be best friends, so I told her to try and be there for her, as this friend had problems that caused them to stop being best friends, and to help her and get her best friend back.

So she did and she came over. Next thing I know though KATS goin to the friends house. Now I figured they’re at KATS house so at least KAT is A little safe and she’ll feel comfortable BUT now she’s going over her friends house to get drinks and then back to KATS house. So I start over thinking and think “I thought KAT didn’t want to go anywhere because she was worried about the virus and I thought her parents didn’t want her going anywhere with the cops giving tickets for inessential driving? What didn’t help my overthinking is that our texting pattern was getting a little different but even when she’s hung with this friend before she’ll usually still text me Just not as much cause she’s with this friend which is fine! But in this case I didn’t get any after a while or not even a usual “ok friend is gone and now I’m in bed” text

And I’m overthinking that something is up HOWEVER I still know we still care for eachother and all that during this but these thoughts in my head always nag “what if” and me and KAT both have this problem and we both have been more in our heads late lately with this whole isolation thing because of the virus.

NOW This may be a random fact I’m throwing in but it is important.

KAT is bi sexual and at times finds other girls attractive, and right now that would be this girl she goes to school with. And I knew this before we were a couple AND I’m ok with it. I told her it’s perfectly fine to experience that side of her sexuality more.

And she told me when we’ve talked about it that I’m the only guy AND person she wants to BE with but some girls she sees and wonders and that’s fine with me as long as she’s straight up with me which she has been.

So WERE BACK

So a couple days later she vents to me one night that she’s been texting that school girl she finds attractive, we’ll call her ZOEY, and she’s been texting her more than me and that’s why our texting patterns are a little off.

And KAT says she feels bad because she still has feelings for me of course and cares for me but it’s hard for her to keep things going through text and wants to just physically be with me and see me. So it’s hard for her because she misses me so much but of course will still text me.

KAT also explained maybe she’s taking to ZOEY more because she still finds taking to girls exciting (also ZOEY has a boyfriend and doesn’t know KATs lifestyle)

But I tell KAT again that I’m ok with her exploring that side of her and as long as she still has me on her mind as her boyfriend we’re ok and I’m not gonna keep her from exploring.

You may be asking how I’m ok with her talking to other girls and it’s not some kinda Pervy thing

Really it’s not.

But The only way I can explain it is she’s attracted to the same sex, I can’t help that, and it’s not another guy so why shouldn’t She be able to be completely happy with me AND explore the curious side of her bisexuality.

That’s fair of me right? I think so.

SO I tell KAT that and she thanks me for being understanding and asks me “it’s not normal huh?” And I tell KAT “Yes it is! Every relationship is different and this is OUR normal. Who cares what anyone but US, the people in the relationship, think?”

So she thanks me again and tells me how she appreciates it and so I then ask if I can vent for reassurance.

She of course says yes and ask her about her going over to her friends house and if her parents really don’t want her out and that whole thing I wrote about earlier AND I vented about other stuff I was in my head about such as me not being basically good enough for her and if she was losing interest in me as a boyfriend.

And again Ive overthought all this but I do know she still likes me of course through it all. Why else would she still be with me?? But in these times of isolation the thoughts just got a little louder.

And I was nervous telling her because in a time before she stated sometimes she doesn’t quite know how to reply to things or fix my problems and it becomes draining for her, with her own problems, and KAT feels bad she’s not able to fix them.

And I’ve told her she doesn’t need to fix them, that’s not what I’m asking, but I just ask she listens and maybe reassured me...

So after I told all that to her, KAT texts she started crying because she didn’t know I felt that bad about myself

And was crying because, and KAT told me, “you are far from any of those things or not being good enough! You’re the most amazing guy I’ve met and you’re so beautiful!”

And that just meant so much to me.

I’d also like to mention it’s always been hard for me to share and vent to anyone (here I am basically doing that to strangers BUT THANK YOU) and it meant a lot that she reacted positively towards this.

I also told KAT at the beginning of what I sent, and I’ll tell you, that ive never doubted her EVER for one second or I’m not accusing her of anything or coming at her in anyway.

I’m just venting for reassurance if anything.

I told her thank you and she always makes me the happiest and KAT told me I make her the same as well.

And it was late so we went to bed.

But The next day is where I ed up....

We woke up and i called her and got her up for schooling online and she brought up a point in my venting.

So me thinking “last night went great telling KAT everything going on in my head let me ask 3 more things that I just kind of want to express!”

So I asked and she replied “you’re still doubting”

And I told her that no I just need to squash a couple loose thoughts

So I brought up I felt maybe I didn’t get al the closure I needed with the whole “her going over her friends thing” because we didn’t really talk specifically about it and then the next two points I made was just that if she just wanted to text ZOEY only for a bit or whatever girls she could and I’d be fine with it and I truly meant that with good intentions just trying to help ease her mind on it I suppose

AGAIN I know KAT likes me but I just needed 1% more reassurance to completely help me rid my overthinking and I thought it’s be fine like the night before....

But KAT just replied “I don’t ing like her”

And I could tell I pissed her off and I did not mean to at all...I really didn’t...

We went back and forth for a while and it seemed maybe she thought I was doubting her which I never was! And while I told her in the night befores vent, I wasn’t doubting her and never have, like I said earlier, I didnt really put that same thing at the beginning of what I said in this mornings conversation thinking she already knows I’ve never doubted her for one second.

KAT then says “maybe we should rethink us”

And my heart gets a little low because I didn’t want her to feel hurt and I’ve NEVER wanted to rethink us. And at this point I’m regretting sharing any of this with KAT especially this one.

I tell her it’s not necessary and all this other reassurance and I dont hear from her for a few hours.

KAT finally replies “my intentions weren’t to hurt you”

And I tell her I know and I never thought they were. I also tell her “I know you care about me as much as I care about you”

And KAT says “ok good I’m glad you know that then. I’m sorry I blew up earlier”

And it seemed to be fine after.

Texts a little slower though so I knew something was still bugging her

She says she just needs a little more space, not complete space, to think because on top of this she’s dealing with family stuff and some other personal things.

And I knew that and respected all that I just never meant to add to it. And I do apologize for that.

The next day she was out and about looking for a new Nintendo switch that was coming out.

And I figured texts were slow from her because she was out looking for it.

KAT finally text ME “got it”

And it was short and usually she’d send me a picture of whatever she gets at stores.

And the rest of the day I heard nothing.

I text her goodnight and she “hearted” it on iMessages but didn’t reply.

The next day I heard nothing from her the whole day. And I did text her goodnight again.

Then a couple hours later at 2AM she asked if I was still up.

I was...

KAT replies “I don’t know what I want right now”

I ask what makes her not sure

And KAT says “I told you and myself I didn’t want a relationship but I got so wrapped up in what we were doing I said it and did it anyway”

I told her “I know and I remember that but does this make you happy still?”

She replies “it did but I don’t know right now”

She went on to say “I just want to stop worrying about it right now when I have so many other things to worry about”

Which is fair and I always got that.

KAT goes on saying “I can’t stay in this space when I know I shouldn’t”

And I tell her I can respect that

And I do ask her “but KAT does what we have still mean something to you at all”

And KAT said “yes of course and that’s why it’s so hard to think right now with everything going on I just need to help myself”

I get that and respect that and she asks “can you just be my friend right now?”

And I agree. I always want her to be happy no matter what.

She reassured me “this isn’t about ZOEY either by the way” and I say I know and I tell her “it’s fine we can go back to what we did before. We were friends and we'll still be there for eachother just like before we were officially a couple.

She liked that idea And said “thank you, we just need a break” and told me thank you for understanding

So I took it as we’re taking a break during these crazy times. Or am I not getting something?

because I’m gonna say some things that confused me through all this like she was saying things like...

“I feel bad because you let me in with your family and I don’t want them to hate me”

Or she told me sorry and I asked for what and she replied “for breaking up” and I thought we were just taking a break??

Is taking a break still considered breaking up?

(Is that dumb to ask)

Then while this is going on I ask “we can still text, maybe every day here and there? I’m not sure what you want as boundaries”

And KAT says “of course you can still text me whenever”

So the next morning I said “good morning what’s up“ like usual but I didn’t hear nothing for a few hours and all she replied Was “got up at 4 sorry”

(She does go to bed late and wakes up late)

I replied and then I got nothing for the rest of the day And said goodnight again and she hearted it again no reply.

On social media she still follows me and I still follow her and on Twitter she posted a “whats your sexuality spectrum chart” every one is doing

And on the “romantic desire scale” part of it she marked a little under half of the halfway mark between being aromantic and interested in someone.

Her knowing I’d see this

Does this mean she’s going back to being aromantic? Or because it’s still almost at the halfway mark does this mean that she still likes me but is confused with everything going on still?

And I’m still just saying goodnight every night. No good mornings or anything so I’m not texting as much if I don’t need to

Or is that still too much?

NOW HERE ARE THE THINGS that make me believe it’s just a break and she still likes me l...

right?:

Right after we became friends again I joked and said “you still wanna come over and play games with me” and KAT laughed at my joke and said “of course and we can still claw it up right??”

(Drinking whiteclaws)

And I said of course. AND she let me borrow her ps4 and I’ve had it ever since Valentine’s Day when we got together and she hasn’t asked about getting it back or mentioned it at all since us taking a break.

So could this mean she really does want to come back over to game and hang out and hasn’t asked about it because she knew she’d be back?

Again she still follows me on all social media platforms (Instagram, Twitter, tik tok)

And on Instagram and tik tok she has posts about us being boyfriend and girlfriend but....

She hasn’t taken Any of them down yet and it’s been a week already. Does this mean that she still is holding on to what we have? And that this really is in fact just a break and I’m overthinking?

She’s also still liking all my instagram posts and replying to my Instagram stories too

And could her not texting me mean it’s hard for her or something like that?

Or do I need to give her complete space?

She is still dming me here n there.

Like I said I say goodnight to her still because I know she’s going through a lot, and while KAT wants to help herself on her own I want her to know I still think of her and hopefully she knows someone is still with her hoping the best for her.

And she does heart every single one still.

So we’ve finally reached the end and I can respect her space. I respect and care for her so much and I can still be her friend no matter what but like I said before this is the first girl Ive ever met where I feel....FEELINGS I can think of a future with her and she admitted to it as well.

we started talking about what kind of house we’d wanna live in and mid conversation I told her damn “a little too far into the future for all this talk huh?” And KAT laughed and said “dude seriously this is crazy but it just comes out” and we both smiled, laughed and agreed.

And just that the fact that she would say she felt comfortable in my arms and sometimes couldnt go to sleep unless I facetimed her til we both knocked out. I get and respect her aromantic past but the Things she’s felt towards me, that she’s expressed with me that she’s never done with anyone else, and the fact that she crushed on me for so long and just everything we had has to still mean something to her right? And she’s still willing to be with me? Even if we don’t have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend? She even said it means something to her still during all this and thats why this split was a hard decision for her. Right? Or am I an idiot for thinking she still likes me?

This is the only girl where it physically hurts to know I won’t be hearing from her as much and does anyone think this hurts her as much as it hurts me? And does that mean something good for our relationship?

I’ve lost sleep over this and that’s NEVER HAPPENED

I understand maybe we won’t go RIGHT back to it but there is a strong belief we will right?

Again am I a fool for waiting for her OR is this just a necessary break to improve our relationship?

Can someone really have all those feelings and go back to being aromantic?

Does she still have feelings for me?

Or do I just need to be her friend for the rest of her life.

Which if need be I can do.

Although shes the only woman I’d like to grow old with, And you may say that’s way too soon to know or we’re too young, But the things we shared and the way I felt.

It’s just nothing that I ever thought I’d feel and I feel everything great when I’m with her.

But...I can put that aside and be there for her however I need to be because I care about her that much.

And you may think I’m totally hopeless but I’m actually very observant and read people very well. KAT does as well and she noticed that about me in the beginning as I noticed it about her too.

That being said that’s why this is confusing me right now. I just feel like I missed something.

Thank you for reading.

This was a little hard to share but I just need someone there to listen and maybe tell me something I’m not seeing or reassure me everything is fine and I’m overthinking again.

Thank you

(Hopefully there weren’t many typos this was long and I checked best I could)

OP, for the sake of your readers, you might want to include a TL,DR version of this. It was insanely long with a lot of unnecessary detail which will probably bog people down and make it hard to understand what you specifically need advice with. Just a thought.

I did read it (been on lock-down for a month here, and can't work from home so a lot of free time on my hands!) and I can tell you this: this girl is not ready for any sort of serious, monogamous relationship. She liked you, yes, but she is not ready for a commitment. She's not "aromantic" (whatever that means); she's simply a very young woman still figuring out who she is and what she wants, and maybe trying to accept a side of herself that she fears won't be accepted by others (being attracted to women)

It's cool that you tried to be okay with her exploring her sexuality, but Monkfett, it's also cool to not be okay with it while she's supposed to be in a relationship with you. It's not about being "fair" to her. It's about having reasonable expectations and boundaries for a couple who agreed to be exclusive with each other. If she feels the need to explore her feelings about women, she needs to be single. You can't force yourself to be fine with it. It wouldn't be fine if it was another guy, right? Don't fool yourself into thinking that her getting close to another woman isn't equally as compromising to your relationship. It is, as you learned. It has little to do with the gender identity of the third party, and everything to do with her not being ready to commit to any one person.

In a nutshell, I think your relationship is over, man. I know you like her a lot, but she isn't in the right place in her life to offer you the relationship you want. Her increasing distance from you is your sign that her heart just isn't in it anymore. It's not hard for her the way it's hard for you, unfortunately. She isn't texting because she doesn't want to lead you on, and also likely because someone else is distracting her now (her friend she's got a crush on) So yes, it would be best to stop reaching out and start accepting that it's over. It sucks, I know. But this isn't the girl you're going to grow old with.

I read 75% of it hoping that at some point there would be content that’s relevant. But there wasn’t.

So I’ve skipped the last 25%.

All I read is that she is attention seeking and you are one of many giving her attention.

You excuse abnormal behaviour as being “normal” for you two. But it’s clearly not normal behaviour for you , you are sweeping it under a rug.

Delete and block her.

She is not interested in you and you are wasting your time.

Sorry!

I just got to the first paragraph where she found out you had a GF. What was that about? I don't get it.

A person who is into you and sees you as a lifetime partner will never let you go. Not even once. Needing a break like you're toxic fumes? Your self esteem is crap for wanting to risk your heart on someone who warned you who she was at the beginning. After the newness wore off, the self fulfilling prophesy reared its ugly head. No surprise there.

Or do I just need to be her friend for the rest of her life.

Which if need be I can do.

Although shes the only woman I’d like to grow old with, And you may say that’s way too soon to know or we’re too young, But the things we shared and the way I felt.

It’s just nothing that I ever thought I’d feel and I feel everything great when I’m with her.

But...I can put that aside and be there for her however I need to be because I care about her that much.

Go ahead and put yourself on ice for someone who will likely seek short term partners endlessly, while no woman will date you because you're emotionally connected to a "friend" you wanted so much more from. Does that sound feasible for your next 70 years on the planet?

Have you met in person?

We met a couple years ago but really started talking here n there

talking on a here and there

she dm’d me asking

we started talking on that “here and there”

she wouldn’t respond or send me any of our usual here n there messages.

I didn’t message KAT right away but would just reply to stories on Instagram

I do follow eachother on twitter

we started messaging like that EVERY DAY from that point on.

Have you met in person?

I realize his post is very long and rambling, but because I read the whole darn thing, I'll volunteer the answer for OP - yes, they had an in-person relationship.

No apologies needed here , if anything I’m sorry for making this post long. Thank you for reading it all! I just thought to include what I saw as necessary to give as much insight as I could into this entire thing.

Could I ask though, whats your take on our couple pictures still being up on her Instagram? And these tik toks she made of me and her are still up too?

What does that mean?

And

She also began dming me again more on twitter and Instagram yesterday. Mainly some inside joke kinda stuff that reminded her of me.

Anything there either? Or just a simple stroll down memory lane?

She might just want to keep around for when she's bored or wants attention.

Based on all the other deeper issues you described, the couple pictures still being up mean little. It's not substantial enough to pin your hopes on.

No apologies needed here , if anything I’m sorry for making this post long. Thank you for reading it all! I just thought to include what I saw as necessary to give as much insight as I could into this entire thing.

 

Could I ask though, whats your take on our couple pictures still being up on her Instagram? And these tik toks she made of me and her are still up too?

What does that mean?

 

And

 

She also began dming me again more on twitter and Instagram yesterday. Mainly some inside joke kinda stuff that reminded her of me.

Anything there either? Or just a simple stroll down memory lane?

Pics mean nothing. Lots of people don't go around deleting their past just because. As for DM's - she is bored and knows you'll jump to and entertain her. Basically she knows she can yank your chain any time she wants.

You have to learn to let go and move on. It might have felt like all that, but reality is different and this person isn't that into you. Someone who truly loves you will not break up with you or go on a break or otherwise risk losing you. When someone does that, it's because they really don't care all that much either way.

OP, most of what you posted was not necessary , it’s just fluff.

Messaging you is the attention seeker in her , you responding is giving her the attention.

She doesn’t care who she gets it from as long as she gets it.

An increase in her messaging you is simply because others have dropped her off the radar.

She doesn’t care enough to even delete pictures of you.

They just remain there , but for no purpose. Not intentionally left there just didn’t cross her mind to delete them, that’s all.

Just delete and block.

Find something else to occupy your time and mind.

She is definitely not interested.

That’s ok. She is not that interesting anyway.

She is playing games. A break during quarantine? You haven’t even seen each other. Why could she go with her “friend” but couldn’t come see you?

I would put my foot down if I were you.

Just be done. Don’t msg her anymore. If she does message, don’t reply. If you can’t help yourself from replying, just block her.

She only is leaving the pictures up because you guys had a “friendly” break up.

I read the whole post. You sound like a really great guy! Any girl would be lucky to have someone so caring! Her loss!

Dude, I can't read that. That's a ridiculous amount of info, however relevant.

You need to cut it down by 70% and only list the most important points. I read 50% of it and gave up.