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Thread: Cant move on. urgh :-(

  1. #1

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    Cant move on. urgh :-(

    Ok, my first post.
    ive got loads to say but ill try and keep it brief.
    I had a 4 yr relationship with a wonderful woman. We broke up last July, but we kept in contatct all the time unitl Feb. I saw her in Sept and there was still the passion and chemistry. But since then she would text and talk, then go cold, disspaear and block me. This happened 3 times. in January she phoned me up and we continued to talked all month. facetime, texts etc. Then again end of february she disappeared, blocked me and ignored me flat out again. i tried to play her game and go NC for 6 weeks, but i gave in and with Covid 19 emailed her mid March to see if she and her family were ok. She told me 'why are you texting me. We're stranges now'. Like WF?? Someone youve had a relationship with for 4.5 years and then don't speak for 6 weeks and suddenly we're strangers? oooookkkkkkkk! Then she tells me she realised she didnt want 'this anymore' and shes met someone else and is happy now.
    So I decided to ask her when she decided she didnt want this anymore. she says in July she realised. it just took a long time for her heart to catch up with her head. So she has basically been using me for the last six months to get over me. She kept me in contact to stop her being alone until she met someone else. i feel so hurt, angry, stupid. She knew i was still in love with her. i dont think she didi it maliciously, but who knows. You never want to think that someone you loved for 4 years would treat you that badly, even if they dont love you any more. I still ove her. i know in black and white it looks like she palyed me and im an idiot, but i do genuinely think she had trouble of letting go. who doesnt after 4 yearrs? Either way, it really hurts. Now i have the pain of trying to move on (when i dont want to) as well as realiseing the false hope i was given for the last 6 months was just that. False.
    In the six months weve been apart ive fixed the things that caused us to split up. im not the same person. i know if we met now as new people we'd get on brilliantly, date and probably get married down the line and grow old together. But i just couldnt make her see i was a new person and get her to give me another chance. im really struggling to let go and move on, but i know i have to.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes you have to let this go, for your own sanity. Block and delete her on any social media. Do not contact her again. She's made herself pretty clear she is not interested in you.

    Take time to get yourself together so you can be a good partner to the next woman you find.

  3. #3
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    Shake it off however you can and accept that things are over.

    Lessons learned. No matter your feels and your perception of another's feelings, things can actually not be as you wish them to be.

    It hurts, yup.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. What were the things that "caused you to split up"? Keep making improvements but for yourself and whoever is next. Live and learn. Do not backpedal on this one, there is too much water under the bridge and anger. If someone blocks you, you need to move forward.
    Originally Posted by Bestda
    Then again end of february she disappeared, blocked me and ignored me flat out again. She told me 'why are you texting me. We're stranges now'. In the six months weve been apart ive fixed the things that caused us to split up.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Whenever I remember relationships or friendships that went awry, what transpired and how it ended often times in an ugly way, what provides solace for me is to never forget WHY the relationship or friendship failed. You need to remember why it soured in the first place and then you'll conclude both of you were incompatible for various reasons which runs the gamut from personality and character differences, lack of empathy, lack of emotional intelligence (EQ - google 'emotional intelligence), perhaps the other person engaged in habitually gaslighting you (google 'gaslighting'), you didn't share similar intellect and there are all sorts of factors. Then again, you will remind yourself that the relationship or friendship was not meant to be; you can't force it.

    I've realized that whenever you have to work so hard at maintaining a relationship or friendship to keep it afloat with all your might, it's NOT working. Relationships or friendships should be on equal footing, in lock step and it doesn't have to be that difficult nor complex. Generally, harmonious relationships or friendships are mutually extremely respectful without complicated efforts. If any relationship is high maintenance, both of you were not meant to be paired up, period. No amount of wishing, regrets and remorse would ever make it work according to your will and desires. There is a reason why people either get along or they don't and this applies to everyone on this Earth.

    Change the way you think and never allow your emotions to cloud your judgment. Practice discernment and become a good read of people. Become a sound, good judge of character and then you will feel secure, free and liberated. It's a process. If it worked for me and I hope it will work for you, too. Change your thought process and then you can heal for real.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Cant move on. urgh :-(
    Replace the word "can't" with "won't" for accuracy. Then make a better decision.

  8. #7

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    youre right. For a while i havent wanted to move on. I havent wanted to believe deep down its over. its like my irrational brain keeps lying to my rational brain. But i know now i have to so i have started to accept it. itll take a while, but i knwo the pain, missing her is temporary and i will be ok in time. its just something i have to go through. i dont want to, but i have to. no one else can do it for me and itll be better on the other side. a bit like a hospital operation you dont want to go have! lol


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