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Thread: He is ignoring me..

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by dion333
    Hi-he is just doing what alot of men do on dating apps and in real life if they can get away with it--but it's easy to get away with on online dating--when i say 'men', i mean men who have low morals and empathy. So, i'm afraid he has just used you for sex and was probably doing the same to quite a few other women and maybe men too. It's very common online for men to try and have sex with as many people as possible but dress it up as them wanting a relationship or even a friendship with erm benefits. Welcome to the new world of low empathy..esp true for males. I would just cut him out of your life and learn from this. Try not to sleep with men so quickly or anything sexual, as they see it as a game online. It's painful and i am sorry, It's very hard for warm, kind caring people to navigate the cold world of online sex acts..sorry..i meant 'dating'
    I don't understand where people are getting that he just wanted sex. They were dating and he continued talking to her in lockdown, but she ended with him because he updated his profile. They had met only four times. I hardly think you would say they're in an actual relationship. And we don't know if he was sleeping with anyone else. In fact he probably wasn't because lockdown started. Yeah it's true some guys are just after sex but we don't exactly have evidence of it here in this situation. And also maybe to a lesser extent women can be just after sex too. My best friend was sleeping with a guy for 1.5 years just for FWB but he actually had feelings for her. And I was sleeping with a guy on and off for 2.5 years just for sex.
    Last edited by Tinydance; 04-06-2020 at 10:20 PM.

  2. #22
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    OP it wasnít that your messages were confusing. They were actually very clear.
    It was imo more to do with the fact that you were insecure.

    He wants someone secure within themself and you proved not to be. To him at least.

    He is not a player in my book.
    He was interested until he wasnít.
    And he was interested in you until he found something that was a deal breaker for him. Insecurity.

    People date for a reason. That reason is to get to know someone. They only enter a relationship with someone once they have got to know them and like everything they know.
    He was of course allowed to be on an online dating app and even update his profile.
    You were not in a relationship, that didnít mean he wasnít still interested in you.

    But he is not now.

    And thatís ok.

    Let him go and focus on why you became insecure . You didnít become insecure when you saw him still online dating. You were insecure before that to check. Thatís on you not him.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    There's zero indication the guy was a player or only in it for sex. There's every indication he heeded a big red flag. Three dates in and already trying to play the off-and-on-again game is a big "no thanks, chief" from me, and really it would be for any healthy, self-respecting guy. You acknowledge your insecurity and irrationality. No better time than now to work on yourself and learn to be happier on your own so that you can be happier while dating.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    There's zero indication the guy was a player or only in it for sex. There's every indication he heeded a big red flag. Three dates in and already trying to play the off-and-on-again game is a big "no thanks, chief" from me, and really it would be for any healthy, self-respecting guy. You acknowledge your insecurity and irrationality. No better time than now to work on yourself and learn to be happier on your own so that you can be happier while dating.
    I agree. I don't see that either.

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  6. #25
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bloempj
    So I met this guy on a dating app, we hit it off via text and went out on a couple of dates. He always a gentleman and we got along so well. He then invited me over to his house to cook me dinner. We slept together and the week after (This was right before the lockdown) I went over again and things were fine. So because of the lockdown, we continued talking via text, etc as usual. Then one day I just had a feeling and decided to look on the dating app where we both met and I noticed he had updated his profile. This really hurt my feelings even though I know he did nothing wrong because we have not had the conversation of being exclusive. But silly me panicked because I was afraid of getting my feelings hurt and I told him that I had noticed he was a bit distant the past few days and that I had seen that he had updated the profile and that that was a confirmation for me as to why he was distance. I told him that of course he's allowed to do so, but that I was starting to have feelings for him, so I need to take a step back so I don't get hurt.
    He replied that he had not noticed being distant towards me and that he did not realize he had updated his profile and that the last match he had on the app was left on read. But even though he felt ty about my decision he would respect it.
    So I had a night's sleep and realized my decision to step back only made me feel worse, so I messaged him the next morning that I took the time to think rationally and that I would like to continue to be in contact as usual. He did not reply, the next day I asked him if I should take the silence as him not wanting to continue. He replied the next day saying he was busy with work and that he really wished that would have done the whole thinking rationally before I had sent him that first text. I replied and acknowledged my mistake and asked him what had happened at work. He did not reply, the next day I sent him a funny video, as we usually send each other funny stuff. He has not replied since and that was last week Wednesday.
    I know my behavior was confusing, I really like him and haven't clicked with someone like this in a while, should I just move on? Advice from the male perspective would be nice, but all advice is welcomed.
    This right here. Except I don't think it's always as calculated as we think it is. It's entirely possible that he hadn't noticed he had pulled back because it came so naturally to him. Distance rarely happens before sex unless he has someone else on the line (that he also hasn't slept with yet) or has otherwise lost interest in favor of something else (not work, work is not interesting). Reading the post, he was already on his way out by the time she addressed this with him. . . I mean, it was Mission Accomplished for him so what more was to be gained by being attentive? It's silly to pursue something that is no longer elusive. Women, on the other hand, after sex, ramp up the attention at the time he's naturally pulling back, which is what happened here. Very common.

    He didn't realize he had updated his profile? What, he did it in his sleep?

  7. #26
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I agree. I don't see that either.
    Agree to disagree!

  8. #27
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I don't get the impression that he was a player either. I think for some people, having sex means that the relationship is getting more serious, whereas for others, having sex is a fun thing to do, but doesn't mean a relationship is in the cards right away. If you got too intense early on (that was I think an intense conversation after 2 dates), he may have decided it was too much drama for him and backed off. Or he was still corresponding with other women and wanted to see "what else is out there." In any case, sorry it didn't work out.

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