partner wants me to lose weight

we've been seeing each other for about a year now. now, my weight-related insecurities have gone on for as long as i remember. i've had periods where i've lost weight but i've seemed to gain it back in the longrun. i'm 20 years old weighing around 69kg standing at around 160cm. i know i could afford to lose a bit and i know i've gained some since we've started dating. my partner takes pride in his health, wakes up early every day and religiously goes to the gym for at least 1.5 hours daily and while he does indulge in making me happy by going out and eating desserts and sweet drinks with me, he also has been reminding me a lot more lately that i need to watch what i eat. today, he actually found it hard to get it up (ahem) and after a lot of prying, he reluctantly revealed that it might be because of my stomach. he says he doesn't want to sound like a jerk, tries to say that he just wishes i'd be fitter and a bit more slim but i'm concerned that this is only going to put a strain on our relationship in the following weeks to come. the thing is i've actually wanted to badly lose weight too for a while now but just knowing my relationship somewhat depends on it now causes me hurt and i'm not sure how to go about it.

Unfortunately, you are incompatible. You need to end things with him. He is making you feel bad about yourself and that is toxic to relationships.

If he can’t accept you for you he needs to go.

You say you'd like to lose weight so why are you eating desserts and drinking sweet things? Doing the math you are about 152 lbs and around 5'4" so you do not appear to be grossly overweight.

I have a weight problem too, so I understand how hard it is to lose excess pounds. But I also have diabetes so I understand the need to eat better and carefully.

You should lose weight because you want to, not because some guy doesnt like your size. You need to strive to try to do better, for your own health or you could regret it down the line.

I was just talking to a friend about this sort of thing. We were basically saying, that we all know plenty of woman that have been with guys that pulled this crap. But! None of these woman stayed with those guys.

Easy for him to blame his lack on your stomach.

The long story short, the only weight you need to lose is this guy and the weight of his judgment. Flip the script on him and say you're turned off by his lack of true love for who actually are.

You deserve so much better. This guy needs to grow up and learn what love actually is. And it's not your job to fix him.

I assume this is the same guy from your previous thread, (Aug'19). With that said, how were you able to resolve those issues during that time?

In short, it may be helpful to ask yourself why you're allowing him to drag you down/disrespect you.

"so update: looool

- two weeks ago, i asked him about a girl ive seen him tagging in comments on posts cause they sounded flirty.

- he told me shes a friend he met back in august and then breaks things off with me within a half hour.

- two days later, i come across more evidence that it was too coincidental so i ask her myself and find out he lied about who she was and they've been flirting and organising to meet up for a date and she never knew of who i was.

- he confronts me angrily basically calling me bitter and salty

- im mostly angry cause if i didnt ask about who the girl was that night, idk when he would've broken it off with me while still talking to her.

- i block him on everything

- a week later the girl calls me crying and i tell her of all the bad signs to look out for and she tells me he doesnt want a relationship with her either, at least not for 5 years and he wants her to detach herself from him and they should "turn things down a notch" but they still talk everyday constantly so idk how he's expecting her to not be attached

- he picked up his jacket from me and apologised about everything and tells me of all the reasons why she's not a "keeper" and why he's not into her like that and all these things about her personality

- this conflicts with what shes been telling me as he wants to keep talking to her but theyre keeping things "casual" and "seeing how we go" but he still doesnt want a relationship so shes heartbroken but shes gonna keep going and keep her guard up

- he says he believes somewhere down the road, were gonna reconnect and resume what we were doing before to which i turned down so now he wants to hang as friends and watch a movie on thursday

- do i tell her about these things he's said to me?? i don't want to seem like I'm trying to sabotage things between them and it should be their business"

You posted this in August. Why are you still with this guy? Do you usually date people who make you feel less than and disrespect you?

Lose weight, eat smart and get fit on your own accord; not due to what he wants you to do for his aesthetic preference. Take care of your health intelligently for the sake of your heart health. If not, be with a guy whom you can relate such as sharing a similar lifestyle to yours, similar body type, similar diet, similar activity level, etc. Be evenly yoked with your partner.

You don't actually sound that overweight, maybe only chubby. In any case, I think you should actually dump this guy. I understand he's healthy and fit and all that but he's also shallow. In my opinion you don't have to do everything he's doing like going to the gym for two hours every single day. I personally don't like the gym. I find it really boring and expensive and I prefer to just go for a walk in nature.

I think unless someone is pretty overweight and eats a lot of junk food, people have no right to tell them to lose weight and whatever. Some people are just naturally bigger than others. We are all different shapes and sizes. Some people eat bad, smoke, drink but because they're slim nobody body shames them.

Honestly I would get rid of this guy. At the end of the day he's not attracted to you and he is plainly telling you that. You deserve someone who finds you attractive and many guys would. Some guys even prefer curvy or full figured women. One of my male friends is hot and he likes voluptuous women. So why waste your time on this guy when you have other guys out there who would like you as you are?

we've been seeing each other for about a year now. now, my weight-related insecurities have gone on for as long as i remember. i've had periods where i've lost weight but i've seemed to gain it back in the longrun. i'm 20 years old weighing around 69kg standing at around 160cm. i know i could afford to lose a bit and i know i've gained some since we've started dating. my partner takes pride in his health, wakes up early every day and religiously goes to the gym for at least 1.5 hours daily and while he does indulge in making me happy by going out and eating desserts and sweet drinks with me, he also has been reminding me a lot more lately that i need to watch what i eat. today, he actually found it hard to get it up (ahem) and after a lot of prying, he reluctantly revealed that it might be because of my stomach. he says he doesn't want to sound like a jerk, tries to say that he just wishes i'd be fitter and a bit more slim but i'm concerned that this is only going to put a strain on our relationship in the following weeks to come. the thing is i've actually wanted to badly lose weight too for a while now but just knowing my relationship somewhat depends on it now causes me hurt and i'm not sure how to go about it.

He sounds like a typical shallow fitness freak male-into the physical, over the emotional. Pretty shallow actually. The losing weight advice he is giving is good if he really deeply loved you and wanted you to improve your health and look good as a bonus. Sounds like a gym rat and prob needs to be with a girl who is into looking slim and gyming it all the time, but god forbid she starts putting weight on too,,,he will be not happy again and dump her-maybe he needs to get with one of his gym rat buddies and they can both admire each others 8 pacs! Slight case of male gym narcissism i'd say!! I would sit him down and tell him it's hurting you and you are trying and if he continues with the put downs , then might be better you both assess if you are compatible. It is very hard to lose weight and harder for some, takes someone to just have some empathy and love to understand and help you through it. Find a NICE GENUINE LOVING SUPPORTIVE SENSITIVE CARING GUY

I think that if you were in poor health - that you also had other medical conditions related to being overweight - and he was your spouse or life partner it would be ok to express concern about your health overall. I don't think it's ok to expect one's partner to like to do the same fitness activities or to want to do them to the same extent, etc. There's a fine line and I think it involves true health concerns plus life partner/spouse, etc. I also think it's ok to have healthful food around the house, etc. and to offer it in a thoughtful way to one's partner.

There is a film about this type of thing. Yes, just laugh at this guy and dump him.

Pretty shallow actually.

Different perspective here, so please don't hate.

At 5'2 and 152 lbs, you are overweight. Ideally, you should be 20 lbs lighter.

I used to be overweight. I won't lie, I hated myself. I felt gross, shopping was depressing as everything was big, bulky, nothing cute fit me and if it did, my weight made it look lumpy and misshapen.

The thing is, no one can guilt you, or humiliate, try to convince you, or even verbally abuse you into losing weight. Only you can decide when it's time to finally take a hold of your life and get your body back.

If you get to that point, you will have to have a very strong urge to care more about your body than a cheeseburger or cake or sweet drink.

You also have to be doing it for YOU, not to get someone to love you, not to get someone's approval or to please someone...you should only be doing it because YOU want your body back, you want control over your weight back and you want to look a certain way.

Addiction to food is not much different than being addicted to anything else. You will have cravings, withdrawing from sugar and fat is immensely hard.

You will have tears, because it is like losing a best friend, a comfort, something you ran to that gave you instant pleasure, albeit momentarily.

BUT it is more than possible. I am living proof of that.

I am no longer overweight, I haven't been in many years. I watch what I eat. I choose good food for my body, not high fat or high sugar.

I love a huge piece of cake as much as the next person. But I care more about myself, and my health to indulge to the degree of losing control again and losing my health and size.

It takes discipline and no it's not something that happens overnight. You have to work hard, and it takes months. You really have to want this in order to stay on track.

But at the end of the day, it's your call. No one else has to live in your body except for you.

My best advice, reduce portion sizes, choose healthy food that is low fat, low sugar, no oils or butters or heavy sauces and try to get at least half an hour of exercise per day.

DO NOT crash diet or do anything silly and dangerous like making yourself hurl. That's a fast way to getting yourself very very sick. Don't go down that road.

Be smart, be safe.

I am cheering you on. Take each day one day at a time. If you have the will, you can do it.

Just remember too if you get a product that is “low-fat“ it is high sugar. If anything fat is better than high sugar.

Different perspective here, so please don't hate.

 

At 5'2 and 152 lbs, you are overweight. Ideally, you should be 20 lbs lighter.

 

I used to be overweight. I won't lie, I hated myself. I felt gross, shopping was depressing as everything was big, bulky, nothing cute fit me and if it did, my weight made it look lumpy and misshapen.

 

The thing is, no one can guilt you, or humiliate, try to convince you, or even verbally abuse you into losing weight. Only you can decide when it's time to finally take a hold of your life and get your body back.

If you get to that point, you will have to have a very strong urge to care more about your body than a cheeseburger or cake or sweet drink.

 

You also have to be doing it for YOU, not to get someone to love you, not to get someone's approval or to please someone...you should only be doing it because YOU want your body back, you want control over your weight back and you want to look a certain way.

Addiction to food is not much different than being addicted to anything else. You will have cravings, withdrawing from sugar and fat is immensely hard.

You will have tears, because it is like losing a best friend, a comfort, something you ran to that gave you instant pleasure, albeit momentarily.

BUT it is more than possible. I am living proof of that.

 

I am no longer overweight, I haven't been in many years. I watch what I eat. I choose good food for my body, not high fat or high sugar.

I love a huge piece of cake as much as the next person. But I care more about myself, and my health to indulge to the degree of losing control again and losing my health and size.

 

It takes discipline and no it's not something that happens overnight. You have to work hard, and it takes months. You really have to want this in order to stay on track.

But at the end of the day, it's your call. No one else has to live in your body except for you.

 

My best advice, reduce portion sizes, choose healthy food that is low fat, low sugar, no oils or butters or heavy sauces and try to get at least half an hour of exercise per day.

DO NOT crash diet or do anything silly and dangerous like making yourself hurl. That's a fast way to getting yourself very very sick. Don't go down that road.

Be smart, be safe.

 

I am cheering you on. Take each day one day at a time. If you have the will, you can do it.

Love all of this so much. All I wanted to add was that Weight Watchers is a great program from all I know (not personally) and what Sherry wrote reminded me of it. Several of my friends have had great success. I am 5"2 also and never had a weight problem and know that being petite mean even a couple of pounds "shows". I will share this. I eat normally and healthy enough and when I was 42 I had a stroke. I'd given birth 12 days earlier. I'd gained about 37 pounds while pregnant so that my highest weight was 147. I lost about 20 just by giving birth. Why did I have a stroke? They are not sure - but they blame the stress of the pregnancy on my over 40 body. Was it the excess weight (I gained on the higher end I guess but nothing alarming -I was told it was ok). I don't know -but also while I was pregnant all I wanted for the last couple of months was burgers. Meat. My cholesterol was high as a result. I recovered fast and completely from the stroke and 11 years later no signs of stroke again.

I'm healthy, fit, slim. But I do portion control, watch what I eat, and during this quarrantine time I am VERY mindful of not going back to bad habits -for me that means regularly nibbling on sweets. It adds up. I've never been overweight but I lost about 10 pounds just stopping all the nibbling last July after a minor health scare. And increasing my plain water intake. And continuing not to drink diet soda which triggers me to want carbs and is awful for me anyway (I stopped regular soda when I was in my teens). I also do intense cardio at least 30-35 minutes a day and typically walk briskly at least a couple of miles over that every day. I'm 53 and no I didn't gain weight just because I'm older. Same deal for my sister in her 50s and my mom in her 80s -both of them are underweight.

I am cheering you on too. And I could not agree more that you need to do this for you and not in response to some patronizing and jerky comments.

Anyone who thinks they are better than you and you need to change to be good enough for them, is some you need to kick to the curb asap.👢 This isn't about bad/good foods etc. It'a about his attitude toward you.

Anyone who thinks they are better than you and you need to change to be good enough for them, is some you need to kick to the curb asap.👢 This isn't about bad/good foods etc. It'a about his attitude toward you.

Exactly. Period.

ly and while he does indulge in making me happy by going out and eating desserts and sweet drinks with me, h

My SIL is like this and likes her sweets, drinks and fried food. She was never slim, but now its out of control. she is 5'1" and 200 lbs. My brother is so frustrated that she just doesn't seem to care about their little boy if she is fine with being that big and dropping dead of a heart attack or developing diabetes. She won't get on a bike. If he is home, he makes healthy meals, if not she is at Burger King or something. She has fast food feasts. So, you need to take a little pride here. Cut out the sweet drinks and desserts - NOW.

Maybe your boyfriend is a jerk - or maybe he sees that it is becoming more apparent that you can't keep up with him and is frustrated. You are getting bigger and bigger - its not like you are eating smart and exercising but are heavier (genetics, thyroid, etc,). its painful sometimes to watch a loved one do that to themselves and act like they are oblivious. Or you complain about your weight yet do nothing about it - at some point people say "enough already. if you are unhappy, put down the ice cream brownie..."

Being overweight is a mentality and is often an accumulation of bad habits and a unhealthy lifestyle.

I'm 5'7 and around 115. I exercise for an hour everyday and eat really healthy. I also have a big appetite for a female, but I don't eat junk food often though really have a sweet tooth. I just control that side of me lol. My bf does the same, he's really fit and eats good food. I do I think it's time to end things as it doesn't look good. You should find someone who will like you the way you are and he should find someone that has the same attitude towards health and exercise because it's pretty important to have aligning beliefs.