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Thread: A crazy mind

  1. #1
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    A crazy mind

    Hi all this is my very first post having just signed up, I felt the need to find a nice friendly forum where I hope to get things off my chest and receive some nice friendly advice as I dont have many people in my life.

    Here goes.....

    I was with my ex girlfriend for 12 years and we broke up 6 months ago..

    It was my decision to end the relationship the reasons for doing it were because I felt we had become more friends than partners..

    My partner was 17 years older than me when we met I was 21 and she was 37. We had many great years together but towards the last couple of years I started to feel that the age difference was becoming a problem as I looked at others my age getting married, having children, buying houses together and so on, which in turn made me think as I couldn't have these things with my ex girlfriend due to life circumstances etc.

    My mental health isn't great but I'm not suicidal.I feel it's the circumstances in which I'm speaking has made me a little unhappy in my head.

    I have been to councillors and had chats ect and I'm on a small dose of antidepressants.

    So fast forward 6 months I have found a new girl I have been with for 6 weeks, she is my age with the same goals and needs in life. We get on really well and she spoils me rotten!

    But here's the crazy problem I keep feeling like I miss my ex (absolutely crazy!) I get a huge amount of guilt how I have hurt her and that she didn't do anything to deserve it. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me showing me some good times in my mind but not the times where I felt so lonely and unhappy.

    I feel silly for having to come here for help but as I'm 33 years old maybe I just need guidance as I haven't been through anything like this before?

    Just wish my mind would agree with me that it was the right thing to do and I have now been given the opportunity for new beginnings with a lovely girl!

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice big or small is greatly received.

    Stay safe guys

  2. #2
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    12 years is hard to get over in 6months. Its normal. Just let it pass, try think of other things when she crosses your mind. I just feel its a rollercoaster of emotions and time will help you get over it. There isn't an quick fix. I think most people feel guilt after a breakup, my friend made me write a list of all the things I hated about my previous relationship and reminded me of all the things I use to moan about. Every time I'd miss him I'd look at the list and remember how horrible I felt and lost in the relationship and it would make me feel a bit angry and stronger.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's normal to have memories of 12 years together. Keep up the therapy and medications. You did the right thing ending it.

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    Thank you for your quick replies it's so nice to hear from people other than listening to my head playing games with me all the time!!

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Gotta echo the other posts.

    You never have to feel guilty for your life choices. After all, itís YOUR life. What is the guilt doing for you? If there is some benefit to it of course you are free to continue feeling that way. However if it isnít serving you or the people in your life you may consider consciously ďletting yourself off the hook.Ē You made a difficult choice because ultimately it was closer to the truth of what you want for your life. That is admirable. Besides, whatís done is done and living in the past handicaps your current life circumstances.

    Itís normal for memories or sentimentality to creep up from time to time, but when you become aware of it take some deep breaths and look for something kind to do for your current woman. Transform that energy into a gift each time it arises!

    Best wishes!

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    So do you hope to have kids or...? I mean look I get it. 17 years is actually a very big she gap when you are only 21. You must have had an amazing connection to make it last twelve years. I don't think I could have taken someone 17 years older than I seriously at the age of only 21. Of course it's normal to miss your ex but you said you felt about her as more of a friend in the end. You can't change how you feel and it would be unfair to lead her on when you don't see her as a romantic partner anymore. Besides if you're thinking of having kids then unfortunately at her age she physically can't give you that. So to me it actually sounds like you made the right decision.

  8. #7
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by keepthefaith
    Hi all this is my very first post having just signed up, I felt the need to find a nice friendly forum where I hope to get things off my chest and receive some nice friendly advice as I dont have many people in my life.

    Here goes.....

    I was with my ex girlfriend for 12 years and we broke up 6 months ago..

    It was my decision to end the relationship the reasons for doing it were because I felt we had become more friends than partners..

    My partner was 17 years older than me when we met I was 21 and she was 37. We had many great years together but towards the last couple of years I started to feel that the age difference was becoming a problem as I looked at others my age getting married, having children, buying houses together and so on, which in turn made me think as I couldn't have these things with my ex girlfriend due to life circumstances etc.

    My mental health isn't great but I'm not suicidal.I feel it's the circumstances in which I'm speaking has made me a little unhappy in my head.

    I have been to councillors and had chats ect and I'm on a small dose of antidepressants.

    So fast forward 6 months I have found a new girl I have been with for 6 weeks, she is my age with the same goals and needs in life. We get on really well and she spoils me rotten!

    But here's the crazy problem I keep feeling like I miss my ex (absolutely crazy!) I get a huge amount of guilt how I have hurt her and that she didn't do anything to deserve it. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me showing me some good times in my mind but not the times where I felt so lonely and unhappy.

    I feel silly for having to come here for help but as I'm 33 years old maybe I just need guidance as I haven't been through anything like this before?

    Just wish my mind would agree with me that it was the right thing to do and I have now been given the opportunity for new beginnings with a lovely girl!

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice big or small is greatly received.

    Stay safe guys
    You're feeling guilty, because what you did is hurtful to a person you loved and there's simply no other way around it. You can't have her and the new girl, so, just accept that and let the missing feelings pass and make your life with the new girl. At least you did the right thing and were open and honest with your ex. (It's sad and relationships carry alot of pain and pleasure), but if you were going to end up very unhappy, then it's absolutely the right thing to do for both off you.

  9. #8
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    Thanks guys it making a huge difference reading these replies 😃

    Update the last few days when sleeping I have been dreaming about the things I disliked in the relationship which is crazy as my conscious self doesn't!
    Last edited by keepthefaith; 04-07-2020 at 12:33 PM.

  10. #9
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    Thank you 😃

  11. #10
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    Thank you! Regards children it was more the fact I didn't have the choice rather than really wanting them if that makes sense

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