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41 years older


Tea97

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Hello all

I’m currently I love with a man who is 41 years older than I. We met at work and had and instant connection. He interested me on a level that I had not ever known we talked for hours about life things we want to do and about our shared interests at the end of this all he said that he was In love with me I was unsure as we had always had this playful relationship. We made a date for coffee and whilst I was sat downstairs he was sat upstairs so we completely missed eachother, he later after that said he assumed i wasn’t interested and I had assumed he had forgotten. After that we had a good laugh about it and tried again from there it was coffee date after coffee date and it grew into some inexplainable magnetic connection. Craving more and more time together. We have now been going for seven months

I was wondering if there was anyone like me in the same situation. I’d really like to talk and connect.

Thank you

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Are you having problems at work or with your friends or family? Do people at work or your friends and family know about him? Is his age a problem for you? Is this dating, friends or a relationship? What is it you want out of this? Why do you need to talk about it? What is the issue?

I love with a man who is 41 years older than I. We met at work. We have now been going for seven months. I’d really like to talk.
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Are you having problems at work or with your friends or family? Do people at work or your friends and family know about him? Is his age a problem for you? Is this dating, friends or a relationship? What is it you want out of this? Why do you need to talk about it? What is the issue?

 

I just want to find someone who’s in a similar situation as me. Are you In a situation such as this

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You are an outlier so it's difficult to find people in the same situation, but a few do exist. Maybe you need to seek out an internet forum that focuses on May-December relationships. I imagine that there is bound to exist one somewhere.

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You are an outlier so it's difficult to find people in the same situation, but a few do exist. Maybe you need to seek out an internet forum that focuses on May-December relationships. I imagine that there is bound to exist one somewhere.

 

Great suggestion. Are there any websites for forums that you know of ?

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Great suggestion. Are there any websites for forums that you know of ?

 

Try a Google search. Search something like "Age gap relationship forum". I did that just for kicks and found one right away. Can't link it because it's not allowed here but they definitely do exist.

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Well, you won't disclose your age but I'm going to take a gander here and say you're probably 23 because when people put digits like "97" at the end of their usernames, usually that refers to their birth year. I'm sure you'll deny this and that's fine but that's my guess: you're 23 and the man you're with is, what, 64?

 

Back in my very early 20s, I was with a guy for a couple years who was about 38 years my senior. We did not live together but I spent a LOT of time at his place. We had a pretty good relationship although mostly sexless due to some health issues he had. We were intimate in other ways. We ended for reasons that had less to do with the age difference, more to do with me being frustrated that he didn't want to seek treatment for his depression. Anyway, he and I are still in contact (platonic). I'm worried about him with COVID and I hope he stays safe. We text/email sometimes - I have absolutely no regrets.

 

I've always preferred older men, always. Most guys I've been with have been 10-30+ years my senior. It's a different dynamic, very sexy. I am no longer dating (been single for about a year since my last relationship and I am NOT looking) but if I dated again, I would absolutely date older again.

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  • 6 months later...

Mine is 28 years older than me and such an age gap has caused serious problems in my life. You should stick to someone around your age, trust me. There is something off about older men who want much younger women. The age gap you have with this guy is much too big in my opinion, because my biggest regret in life is getting with an older guy and spending all my time with him in the beginning, so much that I lost all my friends and family and am treated like I am a child, because of the age gap when I am 29 years old. Use your head and don't pursue older men. Trust me on that one.

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Do you not have many friends? Daddy issues? Issues with depression or loneliness? Do guys your own age not accept you?

 

Most of the time with age gaps this huge, it shows more of a mental health problem as these types of relationships are not realistic and don't make any sense.

 

He's your grandfathers age. Neither of you have any chance of any type of future together as you could be burying him in the next few years.

 

You're attaching yourself to hopelessness and that is in and of itself a sign of severe depression and loneliness.

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Post was originally from last April. But in case Tea97 does read this, I hope things worked out for you. A 40 year difference is going to be unusual and uncommon, but it doesn't mean it can't work out. As long as you are willing to face together the different circumstances that are going to come up, such as any health issues he's going to have as he gets older and any stress it might place on you, then why can't it be a good relationship? If you are both happy, then enjoy.

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It actually does mean it won't work out. He could die at any given moment. That's just reality. He will die far sooner and it's a disaster in the making.

 

None of it makes any logical sense whatsoever. It is self sabotage but maybe that's what OP intends on doing. No one would do this unless they had serious underlying issues.

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None of it makes any logical sense whatsoever. It is self sabotage but maybe that's what OP intends on doing. No one would do this unless they had serious underlying issues.

 

I have to politely disagree. I had a good long term relationship with a man who was 38 years older. That relationship was a long while ago but we ended amicably and I still talk to him on occasion. He's a good man.

 

As long as both parties are open with each other in terms of their expectations and what they want out of life and the relationship, I think it can be okay. Not everyone enters relationships with the goal of it being lifelong/marriage/kids/house/etc.

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I'm assuming he is in his 60s and she is in her 20s based of the 97 in her name. If that's the case, he could have many years left and won't just die at any moment. Any of us can die at any moment, regardless of age, but that doesn't stop us from having relationships. And even if the odds are that he will go first eventually, as long as they are both willing to be honest with each other and face it together, then it doesn't have to be a bad thing. They can enjoy what time they do have.

 

My boss lost her husband last year. He was in his 90s. I'm not going to ask my boss her age, but I'm thinking she's in her 60's. There was at least a 30 year difference, yet they had been together for many years and were happy. Such a large gap does come with added concerns, but any couple willing to accept and work things out, can make it last.

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He could be her grandfather and a man in his 60's can die at any time, especially now with a pandemic going on.

 

I do wonder why such a young girl would want to invest in someone who's come to the later part of their life when she's just starting hers. Unless he's very rich, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Though I have seen girls who aren't accepted by the men their own age, decide to go for someone much, much older because the older ones will gladly date them, although the future is bleak if people are being honest with themselves.

 

There would be no marriage, no children,...and say by some miracle they did conceive, he wouldn't be a part of that child's life for too long. He'd be lucky to be around when the child graduated high school, but he'd also be far too old to do anything anymore and that child would have to bury their father at a young age, quite selfish to put someone through that.

 

 

It truly does seem like self sabotage. Sad, really. I can see two people being very lonely and finding comfort in one another, sure....but it's not going to be a happy ending.

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Again, not every relationship is entered with the goal of marriage/children/lifelong commitment. That may seem bleak to you but if you value these milestones and want a partner to live decades, of course you're going to think that it's bleak. If two people just enjoy each other's company and love, then for them, that alone may be enough.

 

I've dated a number of older men as well as men my own age. I am single now (no plans to change) but if I had to date again, I'd probably date older men again. My best relationships were ones with older partners.

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Every relationship is different. As Fudgie said, not everyone is looking for the usual pattern of marriage, children, grow old together. If that is what someone wants. then it's good for them. But others may be looking for something else. I know women who don't want children. I know people who don't want to be married. If the connection is there and two people are happy together, then it's really there business if they want a relationship. I'd much rather it be a happy relationship with a large age gap, then the kind of troubled relationships we get on so many of these posts.

 

Just because there is a large age gap, why couldn't there be marriage and children if they wanted? Haven't researched it, but I've not heard of any laws against such a marriage. And she's still able to conceive. And I know it's reverse roles, but I've always preferred older women. Granted, it hasn't been as large, but it's been over 10 years older.

 

We all can die at any time. I had a niece pass away at five and a cousin die at 18. My father lived into his 70's. By grandfather will be 100 next June. There's no telling when any of us will go. So I think you need to live each day to the fullest and love while you can. If you find someone that makes you happy, enjoy that love. Live in the moment and savor it. You can't tell or control the future, but you can make the present the best it can be.

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Do I find it bleak due to no marriage or no children? No, absolutely not. I don't feel that marriage and children are the only options out there for couples.

For some couples those aren't the goals they strive for, and that's great.

 

However, I don't see anything happy about this large of an age gap. I do find it a type of mental illness and I don't see that it would ever become a happy thing.

 

Having children at 60 is selfish. You don't help conceive a child you know you won't live long enough to be there properly and let's be truthful here, grandpa can't move around with a 3 year old ..he just physically can't. That child will also bury their father at a young age. Again, selfish if not cruel to knowingly do that to your child.

Don't get me wrong, I know it happens to some children and younger parents pass away unexpectedly..but that's by chance NOT choice.

 

I respect both of your opinions, however I don't agree. I also find it somewhat gruesome for a 60 year old to be in bed with a 20 year old. It's just wrong.

 

You don't have to agree, but these are my opinions and they're not going to change. I felt this way even when I was a 20 something myself. NO way would I want a grandfather type in my bed.

 

I think this woman should consider both sides of the coin though which is why am voicing my opinions.

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