Dating and re-attract a girl who just got out of a long term relationship

Hi guys, I'm making this post because I need to hear your opinions,experiences and your stories about similar cases. Any advice would be helpful

So long story short, at Christmas holidays I met a girl in a common friends house. There was chemistry between us from the first moment . Later on that day I learned that in November she broke up with a guy which were together up to 10 years. We are both now 28 to 29, she was with that guy since High school :O Anyways we met 2-3 times with some friends because we all had more time due to holidays, so in the next Saturday we went for drinks with some friends and we ended up making out in the bar. I liked her from the first moment but since then I hadn’t thought of anything sexual about her, this came out of the blue. The next day we met for coffee and we have a long talk about us, she said she liked me, she wanted to tell me that she was from a long relationship but she was ready for the next step in her life. The next two weeks passed extremely good , we went out for food, coffee , we had long conversations, she said that she was having great time with me, that she could be crazy if she doesn’t wanted to be with me because I had everything she ever asked for. She said that she was making dreams and plans for us and that scares her. She came a couple of times in my place we started making out, having sex and everything went good. The last time she came to me place I literally kicked her out because it was Friday night (time was 3-4 am) and I wanted her to leave because she had to go to work next morning because she works on Saturdays too (she seemed she doesn’t want to leave). But (and there is a big but) from that moment on she started to keep a distance, she texted less, she refused to go out because she was busy and so on. The next Saturday (8 days after we had met for last time) we had to go to a friend’s birthday party. She came by herself because she had to go somewhere else before. In the party things where ok, she touched me a few times, she closed her eye etc Only 2 - 3 of our friends knew about us so I thought that her behavior was ok. In the same night when we left for our homes she texted me that We should grab a coffee in the up coming week to catch up. I agreed so when we met she said to me that in the beginning everything was perfect she believed that she was ready to move on but now she started feeling emotionally unavailable (that’s exactly the phrase she used) ,she is not 100% sure about us and she wants to move on with me only if she is 100% sure. She said that she wants to do thinks for herself, to start gym again, to hung out with friends, to go for drinks and start dance lessons again. I said that this is ok by me ,I don’t want to pressure anything, I said that I want to continue meet just to know better one each other but she was reluctant to that. We drove to her home, we had a last kiss and she said that she doesn’t know what’s coming but I could text her wherever I want.

So I stepped back I let her do the things she wanted ( and as far as I ve seen in social media, she pretty much did everything she said ) . I contact her in her birthday in late February just to wish her and some days later because when we hunged out I ordered something for myself from the internet and she wanted that too, so the items arrived in my place. I asked her if she wanted to go for a coffee to give her the product or if she doesn’t want I could give the item to a mutual friend but she said we should go out all together. I said ok, I kept the conversation short and after 1-2 texts I said goodnight have fun. So when we went out with two friends we have in common , although things were distant in the beginning after some time she started looking at me and ask me how am I doing and stuff. The next week (about 10th of March) she texted to a mutual friend to go out for drinks with me and some friends of her we didn’t knew. My friend couldn’t come so she went out with her friends and I went out with my friends (She never texted me about that)

The only time I texted her to she how she was, was about ten days ago which again received mixed signals. In one hand she replied quickly, she asked about me, we talked about funny moments from our jobs, the next day she replied early in the morning, she sent me some memes about Covid-19 but on the other hand a few texts after she replied several hours later and in the night when I said goodnight she read my final message two days later lol. I also reacted to an Instagram story of hers in Friday but again I kept the conversation short with 1-2 texts.

The truth is that from the moment she stepped away she hasn’t gave me any clear sign that she was thinking about us. She never texted first, she never reacted to any of my ig stories(although she watches my stories and liked the only photo I uploaded) when I proposed to meet she said that it is better to meet with friends not just the two of us and when I texted her she had a weird behavior. I don't want to see things were not existing and give myself false hope. I don’t want to sound arrogant but in most cases when something worked out with a girl there was mutual interest I was doing the first move as a man and if the girl was interested things became less complicated.

So chasing someone isn’t really my thing but this girl is a special occasion cause in her entire adult life was with the same guy. She gave me the feeling that she started keeping distance because she thought she was ready to move on but when things became serious with me she freaked out and she needed to clear her mind not because she doesn’t liked me(although maybe is my ego speaking). I can’t even imagine her overwhelmed emotions that she may experiences and the memories that may come to her mind after such a long term relationship. She is not a silly girl spending her time on Instagram neither is a girl who likes to date or just have fun with various people.

So my question to you guys is what do you believe is the best strategy for me? To let things go and if she ever reaches out to me ,and if I'm available, we could start seeing each other again or should as a male lead the way, take initiative and chase her in an attractive and beautiful way ? I like her, I want to give a shot with her and that’s why I m thinking about it. I know that there are plenty girls out there, I haven’t put her on a pedestal like she is the only one in the world but on the other hand it doesn’t mean that I don’t like her. We are not in College anymore to show childish behavior and do all this stupid things that “dating couches” say all over the internet . Also now with this coronavirus thing,it is very but timing because everything is closed. I want to propose to meet up but not in my place but everything else is closed for the next 10-15 days.

PS. Sorry for my Grammar and Syntax mistakes I m not a native speaker.

Ps2. This became not very short story but I did my best just to give you the headlines and my thoughts

At that young age, and having been in a decade long serious relationship, I would imagine she feels giddy, feeling free, like a kid in a candy store. So many attractive men to flirt with, having the fun singles do, which she's never really experienced. Sounds like from what she's said and her behavior, that this is probably the case. Let her have the life she chooses at the moment without hounding her. You've already made efforts. She knows your interest. She knows your digits and where you live.

Don't remain friends hoping for more. If she happens to throw you a crumb, tell her its best to go no contact, since you're interested and she's not there yet. Tell her that if she's ready to try dating in the future, that she can contact you and if you're still single, you two could possibly meet up.

First of all you sound like a cool guy with great interpersonal skills. Respectful and chill!

I like the above advice. Personally, if it was me I would probably follow it after having an honest conversation where I opened up about my true feelings with her. It’s good to play it cool and not chase too hard and let things develop naturally, as you have done so far. I think it’s also okay sometimes to lay one’s heart bare (staying chill...nobody likes frothy, dramatic proclamations!)

If she isn’t ready or not interested after a more “heart to heart” style discussion you can do just like Andrina suggested.

Good luck man!

Accept her friendship, if you wish but listen carefully to the fact that she does not want a relationship at this time. You can pursue her, but you are in the friendzone whether you pursue her or not.

Thank you guys for your beautiful and quick responses. I really appreciate it.

At that young age, and having been in a decade long serious relationship, I would imagine she feels giddy, feeling free, like a kid in a candy store. So many attractive men to flirt with, having the fun singles do, which she's never really experienced. Sounds like from what she's said and her behavior, that this is probably the case. Let her have the life she chooses at the moment without hounding her. You've already made efforts. She knows your interest. She knows your digits and where you live.

 

Don't remain friends hoping for more. If she happens to throw you a crumb, tell her its best to go no contact, since you're interested and she's not there yet. Tell her that if she's ready to try dating in the future, that she can contact you and if you're still single, you two could possibly meet up.

I can't disagree with you in fact that were my thoughts exactly. The thing is, that sometimes things need a little push(like Heath Ledger said in Dark Knight ), I dont know if thats the case with her but I m thinking about it because we had some contact four times in the last two months and three of four times I was the one who kept the conversation short and didn't kept the texts going,I don't know if I did good.

But you could say that if she wanted she could have texted something from herself and you will be right. I m in a dilemma right now from one hand I want to have a good and honest conversation and try to meet in Person(also very difficult with this quarantine until 27th of April) but on the other hand she chose to step away I show that I m here even If I didnt pursued a long conversation so she should do something if she is thinking about us.