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Thread: Broke up with fiance over his 4 year secret

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    great ideas Smackie!
    Hah not my idea I got it from Dr. Phil! lol He suggested it to a lady who lost her husband a year ago... she's gone back to grieving because she's stuck in her house alone with her thoughts. I think anyone who is even just depressed or bored would benefit from this. It's something anyone can do with little or no money.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I would have dumped him, too. Part of my reason would be the prostitute, but the larger part would be for his stupidity in telling me about it.

    Valuing intelligence above all else, I don't envision my future as being with a stupid partner.

    Confessions are selfish. They dump responsibility onto the shoulders of the one who hears it and can do zero to change it. So unless there was imminent danger of this prostitute showing up at your wedding to announce that she had serviced the groom, it makes no sense to poison a partner with that information unless the goal is to back out of the proposal.

    So the coward's goal was to prompt YOU to end this thing, and you did. Now it's up to you to decide whether someone who would manipulate you this way is the one you'd really want back in your life, and if so, how long it would take such an upstanding guy to find another bomb to drop on you to get himself out of THAT.

    Head high, and think.
    These are my thoughts as well.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    it was isolated moment of opportunity and weakness When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.

    My opinion goes with the majority. Free yourself so that one day you can find someone who would never hurt their partner in one of the worst ways possible. I'm not using the words "the one he loves" because a man who loves you would NEVER cheat on you, no matter what the excuse given.

    You're worthy of someone who matches your good ethics. Having some good memories cannot trump a partner's crappy ethics. With no contact, you will eventually begin to heal and move on. Pamper yourself and feel good that you have high standards, because anything less is neglecting yourself. Take care.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Hah not my idea I got it from Dr. Phil! lol He suggested it to a lady who lost her husband a year ago... she's gone back to grieving because she's stuck in her house alone with her thoughts. I think anyone who is even just depressed or bored would benefit from this. It's something anyone can do with little or no money.
    omg! i saw part of that episode but I turned the channel! too funny!

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  6. #15
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    I am so sorry! You must feel so deceived.

    You made the right decision . I would bet money that it was not the first time he cheated on you, may it be a prostitute or other.

    Do not let this guy back in your life, and when all of this has lifted, get tested.

  7. #16

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    Thank you so much everybody for taking the time to to reply. You have made me feel much better and level headed.

    I will take things one day at a time and try to just focus on myself. My former partner was inexperienced when we met. I was his first sexual partner. I don't blame myself, but think perhaps there was nativity on my part to think he really could be faithful to his first real girlfriend. He told me he was utterly ashamed of himself and didn't want to start marriage with a terrible secret. I don't believe people are black and white, and despite everything, I cannot bring myself to hate him. It would be easier if I could! In truth, I just don't think he was ready for this commitment. Like others have said, the offence is bad enough, but its the length of time the deceit went on for. I may be wrong of course, but I am inclined to think it was only once. He is introverted and shy, I told him he has disrespected himself as well as me.


    I have made subtle changes to my living space however one of the eventual consequences of my decision is that we will need to eventually sell, neither of us can take on the mortgage alone. I live in the UK and property prices are insane, I will come away with some money but certainly not enough to own my own home again for the foreseeable future. Didn't want to have to rent again as feels like a step backwards but such is life.

    I am extremely fortunate in these turbulent times that as a copywriter, I can continue earning from home. For the time being he is paying his way so this arrangement will need to continue until this crises is over

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Donna85
    Like others have said, the offence is bad enough, but its the length of time the deceit went on for. I may be wrong of course, but I am inclined to think it was only once. He is introverted and shy, I told him he has disrespected himself as well as me.
    How did he manage to find himself in the company of a prostitute, in that case? He either sought it out himself, or was in a situation which made him much more easily accessible to a sex worker looking for a client.

    I don't mean to put too fine a point on it, but rather to underline the inconsistencies in the guy you thought you knew and who he actually is. It might help to snuff out the desire to see or talk to him when you stop to reflect on how much he's probably kept hidden from you. I don't even necessarily mean he's used their services more than once (though I would not rule it out) but rather that there are certain aspects of his character you didn't even know existed. He's capable of some pretty shady behaviour.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Telling you this after proposing was a rather slimy way to indicate that he really did not want to marry.

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