How can I travel back in time?

I’ve been dating this guy for almost three months. I love spending time with him and and he is great....except he never initiates seeing me. We talk everyday, he’s normally the one to reach out...calls, texts, phone calls...but never contacts me to be like hey, I want to see you or can I take you out. I’m normally the one to bring it up. Now that we’re all in quarantine, the only real thing we can do together is chill at his place. Which I don’t mind...but I still feel like I don’t see him enough and when I do see him, it’s because I brought it up. I do believe he’s interested in me and we’ve even discussed exclusivity but now I’m ready to cut him off! I’m sick of the yearning feeling of wanting to see someone and them never making you a priority. I really like him and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things. I have addressed this with him at least twice before. Should I beat this dead horse anymore...be patient and see if things change post quarantine Or get a clue? I try to consider the fact that before the quarantine happened, he still wasn’t really initiating in-person meetups...so I must be crazy to think that will magically change once this is over. I feel like I’m too deep in to just cut him off but I’m also fed up. I feel bad for letting it get this far without change. I’m weary to bring it up again because that clearly is getting me nowhere.

Quarantine means you're supposed to remain at your place as he does likewise at his home. You're defeating the purpose of COVID-19 pandemic stay home quarantining when both of you see each other, then part ways, both of you go back into society despite distancing and then see each other again. Even if you're asymptomatic, you could potentially infect others whose immune systems are weaker than yours or your boyfriend's.

That being said, since you are disgruntled, tell your boyfriend that you're sick 'n tired of doing all the initiating when it comes to dates and he only texts and phone calls. Voice your complaint to him instead of waiting for him to initiate. Light a fire under his rear to get him to move! Then he'll either get his wake up call and get with the program or he'll simply rely on you to do all the initiating for dates.

If your complaint continue to fall on his deaf ears and you feel dissatisfied with his lack of motivation to initiate, breakup with him.

If you are always the one doing the initiating, he has probably gotten comfortable.

Are you "officially" boyfriend-girlfriend? Have you considered that maybe he just likes the attention and isn't in to you as much as you are.

What are you doing getting together with him when everyone is in quarantine? You both are supposed to stay home.

If you dont like how he is, and you have tried to talk to him about it and gotten nowhere, it's time to give it up. You cant make him change.

I don’t know where you are but lots of people here in California decided to quarantine in packs. In other words, dating couples, nearby relatives, friends, etc. If you’re limiting your social interactions strictly to just one or two units and everyone is honoring the pack, then you’re not being irresponsible.

Personally I’ve always been attracted to strong women who like to plan things and I’m happy to say “okay honey” and just go with the program, lol. It sounds like you and I are pretty similar, just opposite genders. I agree with the other posters...if you’ve already addressed it directly and he hasn’t changed, then you need to decide if it’s a deal-breaker for you. “Waiting for him to come around” is just code for “hoping my resentment will eventually manipulate him into being different than he is” and that’s not a winning strategy.

The problem with quarantine packs is that you can't control where those people have been. You're out in society, too for essentials. Then they join you and they're in society (for errands) repeatedly and infect others with COVID-19 despite some people who are asymptomatic. It's risky and this is how the pandemic spirals out of control.

The problem with quarantine packs is that you can't control where those people have been. You're out in society, too for essentials. Then they join you and they're in society (for errands) repeatedly and infect others with COVID-19 despite some people who are asymptomatic. It's risky and this is how the pandemic spirals out of control.

Thank you. I live abroad, in a country that's one of the worst-affected by the virus. I am shocked some authorities are actually promoting the idea of quarantine "packs." It's absurd and does not work. The community I live in is proof of it. We are paying the price dearly for it now. Limiting your contact to "packs" is nearly a surefire way to topple your healthcare system, and it's needlessly reckless. Take it from those of us who speak from the hardest-hit countries in the middle of this crisis, not from a few legislators far away who have not been on the ground in countries like mine at the time of the pandemic. They're feeding terribly irresponsible advice to their own people. Isolation means: no dates at your boyfriend's place, no coffees at your friend's house, no Easter dinner at the in-laws, no visits to Mom on Sunday to play bridge. Protect yourself and your loved ones if your own local government isn't doing enough to protect you. It seems, in many cases, they are not.

To return to OP's question: I hope you will heed the advice and hold off on the at-home dates for now. That isn't a quarantine. Yes, it sucks! I haven't seen my own partner in person for 4 weeks now, and won't for at least another 2. That is mandated where I live and the penalty for violating is very hefty. But it's a small sacrifice to make for the greater good of your own community, and your country at large. For now, do what most of here are doing and video-chat. Have dinner together on Skype. Crack of bottle of wine and cheers each other virtually and play silly games on webcam. Take this time and see if he bothers to initiate even those fairly easy "dates" Reflect on whether or not you two are actually compatible. When restrictions are loosened and it's safe to do so, meet in person and have a chat about what lies ahead for you two.

Sorry to hear this. You have already told him how you feel and he ignored it. The reason is he doesn't want what you want. He is just not as into this as you are. You know the facts. He doesn't initiate and after 3 mos you merely "discussed" exclusivity? This has zero to do with quarantines, government etc. It has to do with facing the reality that this guy is lukewarm at best and you should simply shut it down.

I’ve been dating this guy for almost three months. I do believe he’s interested in me and we’ve even discussed exclusivity. I have addressed this with him at least twice before. before the quarantine happened, he still wasn’t really initiating in-person meetups

I have addressed this with him at least twice before. If he cared, he would've taken your reasonable request to heart and sought to keep you in his life by pleasing you. He didn't. His behavior should weigh more than his words of exclusivity.

I feel like I’m too deep in to just cut him off 90 days is deep in? If this is supposed to be the honeymoon period, where people are usually showing off their best with hormones running wild, then one can only imagine how much worse it's going to get, not better, when the newness wears off.

I've been where you are, when I felt as though a guy and I had wild chemistry, and he phoned daily, yet at first I thought he was clueless about asking to get together so I figured I'd start the ball rolling. Of course what you see is what you get, and so I saw the pattern and that discussions didn't work and I abandoned ship after 6 or 8 weeks.

But when you cut the losers loose, it allows you to be free when a guy who matches your dating style comes along. A few years later I met my future husband who put equal effort into getting together.

Good luck!

Yeah, when I was seeing a guy who I always drove nearly two hours one way to see, I did it because I wanted to see him. He told me during a talk that I initiated that he didn't make the effort because he didn't really care if he saw me or not. He said if I didn't make the drive he never would have.

This guy would make the effort if he wanted to. He doesn't.

Thank you. I live abroad, in a country that's one of the worst-affected by the virus. I am shocked some authorities are actually promoting the idea of quarantine "packs." It's absurd and does not work. The community I live in is proof of it. We are paying the price dearly for it now. Limiting your contact to "packs" is nearly a surefire way to topple your healthcare system, and it's needlessly reckless. Take it from those of us who speak from the hardest-hit countries in the middle of this crisis, not from a few legislators far away who have not been on the ground in countries like mine at the time of the pandemic. They're feeding terribly irresponsible advice to their own people. Isolation means: no dates at your boyfriend's place, no coffees at your friend's house, no Easter dinner at the in-laws, no visits to Mom on Sunday to play bridge. Protect yourself and your loved ones if your own local government isn't doing enough to protect you. It seems, in many cases, they are not.

 

To return to OP's question: I hope you will heed the advice and hold off on the at-home dates for now. That isn't a quarantine. Yes, it sucks! I haven't seen my own partner in person for 4 weeks now, and won't for at least another 2. That is mandated where I live and the penalty for violating is very hefty. But it's a small sacrifice to make for the greater good of your own community, and your country at large. For now, do what most of here are doing and video-chat. Have dinner together on Skype. Crack of bottle of wine and cheers each other virtually and play silly games on webcam. Take this time and see if he bothers to initiate even those fairly easy "dates" Reflect on whether or not you two are actually compatible. When restrictions are loosened and it's safe to do so, meet in person and have a chat about what lies ahead for you two.

Thank you. I agree, hunkering down privately is the way to go for the sake of the whole.

My next door neighbor had a friend over to her house and then I observed my neighbor's son, daughter-in-law (DIL) and granddaughters all came to her house for dinner last weekend! If that weren't bad enough, the neighbor across the street invited a couple, their two kids and their dog over for dinner as well. I couldn't believe it! I felt so disgusted. They promised each other that they would remain in their 'quarantine packs' which is ludicrous. My mother-in-law (MIL) has her hairstylist wash and touch up her roots once a week at MIL's house. It's people like these who ignorantly continue to break the rules and wreak havoc for everyone else in society. It's no surprise the COVID-19 infected and fatality numbers continue to quadruple during this global pandemic.

Went through this 2 months ago. Raz initiated conversations, text everyday, call everyday - long conversations, sometimes for hours, appeared to be really interested. And I really thought we struck a friendship. But in the 8 weeks I knew him (pro-sheltering in place), I only saw him once and a half. By the half I mean, in the middle of dinner, his phone rang and he had to leave (of course I was in serious doubt what that was about). He never initiated meeting in person unless I am at the point of constantly asking, something I did not like doing. He bowed out gracefully. In fairness, he lives 2 hours from me and is a supply chain manager for a hospital, apart from taking 2 online classes to complete his bachelors. He claims it was not the right time, and I just have to agree. My needs are not met and so are his. I had no resentment or hurt feelings, for me, he did try or plainly not that interested.

Sometimes you have to see what the situation is and determine if it is a fit or not. On the other hand, he may just not be the "planner" and you will have to take the lead.

When sheltering in place is over, maybe agree on frequency and one date night out of the week, to progress to something more frequent. In the meantime, please take care of yourself FIRST, comply to quarantine and social distancing. For now, enjoy the nightly conversations and be thankful to have that. Not a lot of people do.

Thank you. I agree, hunkering down privately is the way to go for the sake of the whole.

 

My next door neighbor had a friend over to her house and then I observed my neighbor's son, daughter-in-law (DIL) and granddaughters all came to her house for dinner last weekend! If that weren't bad enough, the neighbor across the street invited a couple, their two kids and their dog over for dinner as well. I couldn't believe it! I felt so disgusted. They promised each other that they would remain in their 'quarantine packs' which is ludicrous. My mother-in-law (MIL) has her hairstylist wash and touch up her roots once a week at MIL's house. It's people like these who ignorantly continue to break the rules and wreak havoc for everyone else in society. It's no surprise the COVID-19 infected and fatality numbers continue to quadruple during this global pandemic.

I have a minor quandary because I do a permitted, solitary power walk at dawn in the park's jogging oval -totally socially distanced -half mile loop maybe 10 or less people in this half mile radius. But there is now an outdoor exercise class that meets when I go around 7am - most of them are socially distanced as they work out but not all. Also makes it a little challenging for me to leave the oval given where they are but I do. Today there were park staff patrolling in golf carts. I won't report because I would hate to see the park closed -it's huge, it's gorgeous. It can be used safely and homeless live there actually. The officials have threatened to close it. If they do I'll walk the sidewalks but you know it's not the same. I guess since the patrol started they are well aware of what's going on. So it's hard but I think i need to keep my mouth shut on this one.

For the time being, enjoy whatever phone company with him that you want, and leave meeting off the table. It's safer. People are dropping like flies--long AFTER their respective states of quarantine have begun. That means they are picking up the virus SOMEHOW, so raising exposure after either has gone for groceries makes zero sense.

This is hardly the time to measure someone's interest in social togetherness.

I have a minor quandary because I do a permitted, solitary power walk at dawn in the park's jogging oval -totally socially distanced -half mile loop maybe 10 or less people in this half mile radius. But there is now an outdoor exercise class that meets when I go around 7am - most of them are socially distanced as they work out but not all. Also makes it a little challenging for me to leave the oval given where they are but I do. Today there were park staff patrolling in golf carts. I won't report because I would hate to see the park closed -it's huge, it's gorgeous. It can be used safely and homeless live there actually. The officials have threatened to close it. If they do I'll walk the sidewalks but you know it's not the same. I guess since the patrol started they are well aware of what's going on. So it's hard but I think i need to keep my mouth shut on this one.

Your social distancing is good. I was referring to people congregating as if there was no such thing as the COVID-19 pandemic. These are people who are hosting social events in their home such as dinner parties with friends and extended relatives. I see neighbors chatting away while NOT standing 6 ft apart; more like only 2 ft apart! I too see defiant golfers golfing at CLOSED golf courses near my neighborhood, paired up in golf carts and standing a few feet apart on the green. Let there be no surprise nor shock as this COVID-19 pandemic continues to spread exponentially between now and the future. This pandemic will drag out because millions of blatantly ignorant people refuse to cooperate with this lock down. It's disgusting.