I want more from my FWB

I messed with this guy(he’s 33, I’m 30) from July to November. we went on one date and he got comfortable And we were doing just Netflix and chill. I’ll spend the night once every two weeks, We text every 2-3 days.he insisted on only texting. He never calls. I was kind of ok with it at first because I had just got out of a relationship, but after a few months I caught feelings and wanted more. I never told him I wanted to be with him but I was asking to see him more and actually talk on the phone. He pulled away and one day we just stopped talking. He reached out in February and we started texting again. He asked to see me plenty of times but I finally agree in late March. Since we can’t go out because of the quarantine, we hung out at his place for the first time and things got heavy and we ended up having sex. I know it was a friends with benefit thing before but I’m actually interested in officially being in a relationship. I know I gave in easy. Did I ruin a potential relationship by sleeping with him too fast? I haven’t hung out with him again, he asked but I don’t want to go to his place and give the wrong idea again.

Also- I went to see him during the day, and I spent only 4hrs with him because he had to meet with his friends. Because I haven’t seen him in months, I thought he would actually spend more time with me, I felt sad he decided to hangout with his friends and not me.

Are you too scared to just ask outright for a relationship because you know he'll say, no?

And why are any of you "hanging out" when there's a pandemic going on and no one is meant to be going out unless absolutely necessary?

The only way you're going to find out if there is a possibility of something more would be to be up front and honest with him and see how he feels. That's going to mean taking the risk of him saying no. Maybe that answer might not be what you want to hear but that's the only way you'll have an answer. Otherwise, you'll keep dragging it out. That feeling is pretty awful too. It's up to you.

hi

it is pretty common to catch the feels with fwb.

I don't think all hope is lost but you do have to be a lot stronger than you are being.... that said...

The bad news is, its not smart that he was out with friends. You guys need to be smart about the pandemic and quarentine

my advice might be hard to implement considering, the pandemic.

1. I would not talk to him or explain anything to him about your feelings. That won't work.

2. I'd just start blowing him off. Don't be at his beck and call.

Sometimes when you flip the switch, pretend and act in a way that shows you don't care, a weaker person may start to chase you.

But you may reach a point where you wonder, can i really trust this person with my feelings? And is he really worth it?

Its a tough situation. Some couples overcome it... you just have to take a shot. be strong in what you want, dont accept less.

Since we can’t go out because of the quarantine, we hung out at his place for the first time and things got heavy and we ended up having sex.

Do you understand what quarantine means? It means do not go out to another person's house for sex. It means socialize (aside from phone, video chat) with those who live in your house. That's it. I think you should forget about him - if you want a relationship, well after the virus dies down, meet someone new with the intent of looking for a relationship

I feel like he likes me but still playing the field... you right we should be in the house

Thanks! I just don’t know how to say it.. I kinda want him to initiate “the talk” but he’s very quiet, doesn’t talk about his feelings much. I’ll find courage

It sounds like he’s made it clear what he wants from you. If you want to make one last ditch effort to see if there could be more, you could address it with him and pick his brains about what your situationship is (interested in seeing if there could be more, etc). A less direct approach...go over his place next time he invites you and see what happens if you stay firm on not having sex. See if there’s a connection, see if he’s interested in just spending time with you. And then, see how he follows up with you after you leave.

Also, 4 hours is a pretty long time. I don’t think he was short changing you with that one.

This type of arrangement usually comes to a grinding halt as soon as one begins to ask questions. He's quite content with the free booty calls while all it takes is the price of a cup of coffee, (as an example).

I think it's safe to say that you can't use sex as a selling point, as it's known to have a short shelf life. Keep in mind that having self-respect is a much better selling point.

Either way, this is not the time for playing a game of Russian Roulette while everyone's health is at a great risk.

IÂ’ve done that before with him and I stupidly ended up going after him because He was mad that I backed off. I backed off, he chased, he backed off, I chased. This time, I waited a month to see him, you guys are right! IÂ’ll see him when the quarantine is over, and IÂ’ll be honest and let him know how I feel.

How about you stop wasting your time and energy on a guy who just see you as a booty call.

Only reason why he was mad is because you were easy in giving him what he wants. After that sex, he doesn't want anything else.

If you want a man to treat you right, this isn't the guy. He doesn't deserve you or your time so block him and move on because there are better men out there.

Did I ruin a potential relationship by sleeping with him too fast?

I wouldn't put it quite like this. Going from what you've written, it sounds like you've already had a good stretch of time—five months—to learn how much potential for a relationship there is here. Not much, if any, at least from the seat I'm sitting in.

After all, the moment you wanted just a tiny bit more than you were getting, what did he do? He bounced, pulled away. Speaking for myself, that's the exact opposite of how I've generally behaved when I'm interested in a relationship with a woman. I can't help but think it's not how you'd like a man to show you interest, so it might be worth asking why you're into a guy who has been, at best, lukewarm over a period of 8 months.

In terms of how to proceed from here? Well, being honest, you've got a lot of cards stacked against you. You've already played it "cool," which is to say let him know that you are cooler with a certain dynamic than you actually are. And you've seen that when you're less than cool he turns frosty, which makes being straightforward all the more challenging. Lots of roadblocks.

That said, even if it's only for practice in being honest with your feelings, if you want to see if this can be what you want? Well, I'd say you should (a) express what you want, (b) listen to what he says, and © be prepared to end this, for real, if what you hear does not align with your authentic wants. But before going down that road, I would give it some real thought if this is the kind of foundation you want for a relationship.

There are lots of guys out there who will make it abundantly clear that they are into you, and into exploring a real romance with you, without you having to feel like miner trying to extract feelings that may or may nor be there.

You didn't ruin any potential relationship, OP. The potential isn't there for him to begin with.

This is just sex for him, but I think you know that. He isn't giving you more because, well, he doesn't want to give you more. You're wasting your time with him, girl.

Unfortunately this is all he wants from this arrangement. He knows how you feel, but he likes things the way they are because you have gone along with it.

we were doing just Netflix and chill. I’ll spend the night once every two weeks

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