turned down after first video chat

I met this girl online and we exchanged a few messages and then went onto Whatsapp. She was very chatty from the start, long messages etc. and we seemed to have a fair few things in common. We had two phone calls as well which were over 2 hours each so I thought ok this is going pretty well, although I did think she was a little full-on still and wasn't sure where this was going. That's because usually with online dating, I'm used to meeting someone straight away. I knew with this virus it might months before we could actually meet in person.

Anyway, we finally decided to video chat last night and yeah it didn't go too well. We still talked for over an hour but conversation was a little forced perhaps and I wasn't really feeling the vibe and I'm not so sure whether she was either. After the call we exchanged a couple of texts but I could tell something had changed. And then the next day, she was like "it's been fun chatting to you over the last few weeks but I'm not sure I'd like to pursue things further at this stage blah blah." So yeah a little gutting, can't say I'm that upset as I wasn't sure about it myself anyway but I'm curious as to what really put her off after our first video chat.

Perhaps she wasn't impressed by what she saw!? She already knew enough about me, she knew what I sounded like but I guess this was the first time she saw me albeit over video. I don't think I look much different to my photos on my profile so I don't think it's that. Perhaps like me she just wasn't feeling it. Either way, it's frustrating as it's more that it feels like a waste of time.

This is tough, I've been single a long time now and with this damn virus, that may continue for some time yet now.

It's normal. Not everyone you meet is going to be right for you. Just like everyone you meet in person isn't going to become your new best friend.

Just think of it as, you enjoyed chatting but now you can see who else is out there.

You did a great job coming up with novel ideas to date in this brave new world. Yeah, for now video-chatting will have to be in lieu of a first meet. Ok the bad news is it's a one-and-done, but like so many in real life, par for the course.

The good news is you have a handle on how to navigate dating in trying times, so you'll do well if you stick to your guns. The only suggestion is make sure your video background is "neutral" and try to "dress" for the date, even if you have sweats and slippers on from the waist down.

usually with online dating, I'm used to meeting someone straight away. I knew with this virus it might months before we could actually meet in person.

 

she was like "it's been fun chatting to you over the last few weeks but I'm not sure I'd like to pursue things further at this stage blah blah."

What put her off is the exact same thing that put you off - somewhat forced stilted conversation, not feeling that vibe. To put it simply - you just weren't really clicking and that's normal for dating. No need to overthink this or try to turn this into some mystery. This is a simple case where you mutually didn't click. Happens, unfortunately with OLD this happens often, but that's the nature of OLD. You just move on and click next...quite literally.

This happens literally all the time with online dating! Read my dating journal (which I've had going in the Journals forum for the past few months) and count how many times I've not clicked with someone or I've liked them but they've 'not felt that spark' with me - you've just got to accept that 'not clicking' iss par for the course and not let it put you off continuing to chat to new people.

I do think that one thing you can do with Skype / video chats is to think about the background. Ie in the same way you'd clean and tidy your house if someone you were dating was coming to stay, you don't want your Skype background to be your dirty clothes strewn all over the floor, as that could be quite off-putting.

Personally I Skype chat in my office at home and I've put a couple of my favourite photos (which are beautiful scenic places I've been hiking) on the wall in view of the camera. So whoever I'm chatting to tends to say 'oh wow, that photo is stunning, where is it, have you been there?' etc etc and that then leads to further conversation.

It would be no different than you going "Hmmm, ummm oh boy, not what I thought she would be."

Thanks for all the responses. She responded saying like me, it was just the general vibe and was nothing specific and perhaps it would have been different in person. Maybe it was something and she wants to be polite about it but still said to let her know if I'm in her area and we can meet up.

But yeah that's pretty much it - just not clicking or whatever. No need to overthink it.

I guess I'm getting a little fed up, in my 30s now and time is running out.

Thanks for all the responses. She responded saying like me, it was just the general vibe and was nothing specific and perhaps it would have been different in person. Maybe it was something and she wants to be polite about it but still said to let her know if I'm in her area and we can meet up.

But yeah that's pretty much it - just not clicking or whatever. No need to overthink it.

 

I guess I'm getting a little fed up, in my 30s now and time is running out.

And that attitude can be off-putting too.

If you react to every woman you have a few chats with as though she is your last chance at a relationship, they will pick up on it. They will think it's not necessarily THEM, but any woman who is willing to fill the role of "girlfriend".

You're still young. My best friend got married in her middle 30s and had a family.

What would have been better? Wait to meet in person and there was no spark? And you feel cheated because you built up all this texting, or video chat, find there was no spark and be free to meet someone else? People who are chatty on text are not always the same in person, and you could have been different than she imagined as well

I guess I'm getting a little fed up, in my 30s now and time is running out.

Running out for what, exactly?

I met my partner of 5 years when he was 48 and I was 34. Granted, neither of us wants children so I didn't feel the pressure to settle down, and neither did he. Plenty others meet their person in their 30s and go on to have families though, if that's what you meant.

dont get upset or sad due to current situation or your age.

you are still young and the situation now will not last forever.

Love can happen at any age, you are never too old nor too young for love.

Watch some romantic movies meanwhile chill..

I've found it most helpful to compare online dating to seeking a needle in a haystack. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds that most people will NOT be our match. Don't you want to hold out for someone who really 'gets you' and enjoy a mutual simpatico with ONE great match instead of trying to impress people who you don't even feel that wild about?

Once I moved my ego out of my own way, I became far better at screening out people with whom I don't really click. This has served me in finding friendships as well as in dating.

Think of rejection as meeting someone who doesn't own the right lens through which to view you and appreciate you, and then you'll find it easier to avoid building e-fantasies through messages and just meet people. Allow bad matches to pass early, and don't entertain false deadlines like your age.

Head high, and take breaks from dating whenever you need them.