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Thread: Writing a letter to ex from 2+ years ago

  1. #1
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    Writing a letter to ex from 2+ years ago

    Hi all,

    In short - I had a relationship with a girl that ended 2.5 years ago. We had a good thing going on, but I guess we weren't ready for a long term commitment (or at least I wasn't) and it wasn't the right time for us to be together due to different circumstances. I ended up breaking up with her which seemed like the right thing to do, but now 2+ years later I've been thinking about her non stop and missing her like crazy for the past 2 months. I think I'm in a better headspace now and I really wonder if we were just the right people who met at the wrong time.

    She has since found a new boyfriend. She mentioned that last week after I texted her how she was and if she was open for a phone call. She wanted to talk but it was difficult since she and her partner are living together due to the whole COVID-19 situation and said she'll try some time in the weekend if she went for a walk.

    Now, I don't want to get in between her and her boyfriend. But I also don't know if she's happy in her current relationship and I don't want to forever regret not trying to pursue this however selfish that might be.

    I was thinking to write her a letter (email) and tell her what's on my mind but I don't really know how to approach this.
    What's the smart thing to do here?

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member RitaTrue's Avatar
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    Depends on how you broke up. Was it amicable or horrible?

    As a default, I'd probably start small and gauge their reaction before deciding to dive deeper.

    You said you're curious about her relationship. Maybe start off with a small indirect question like "how have you been managing with covid?"

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    Look I actually think you are being a bit selfish. She's with someone else now so yes it is wrong to try to hit on her and jeopardize her relationship. Also why do you think you hadn't thought about her in 2.5 years, but now you are? I would guess it's because you're locked in quarantine due to coronavirus and you're lonely. I was thinking about my ex a lot too, much more than usual. I mean if you hadn't thought about this girl in 2.5 years then I'd say you weren't actually all that crazy about her. And you wouldn't have broken up with her either if she was really special to you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She has a boyfriend. That makes it the wrong time. At best, you would end up with a cheater. No healthy relationship can be built on someone else's misery. You sound very selfish and imo that makes you not ready for a healthy relationship with her. The smart thing to do would be to acknowledge that once again it is the wrong time and move on.

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  6. 04-12-2020, 03:15 AM

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    Thanks for the replies.

    Let me clear up that I do not condone cheating and I don't suggest or expect her to, plus she's not the type to. The only message I wanted to convey is that if she's not entirely happy and if her relationship would come to an end, that I would love to have another shot with her. But I guess there isn't an easy way to do that without coming between her and her partner.

    I'm sure the whole COVID situation has amplified my feelings for her, but ever since I got back into the country in December it has been playing with my thoughts so I would say it's just bad timing.

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    Sounds to me like she chose to live with her boyfriend during covid and therefore happy.

    If she canít converse with you in his presence then doing so while away from him would be emotional cheating imo.

    If it was bad timing 2 years ago then it is certainly bad timing now.

    There are better ways to deal with loneliness than reaching out to an ex of over 2 years ago.

    I would strongly recommend against contacting her again.

  9. #7
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    Nope, don't do it, OP.

    If she wants to talk to you, you will hear from her. She'll find the time if she's interested in what you have to say. If she doesn't, then you have your answer. No need to pour your heart out in a letter at this time.

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    You can't send the message you want to send without coming between them so don't send it. Very selfish.


    If you are already in platonic contact then keep it that way and put your life on hold for her on the chance she may break up with him down the line or look for a fresh love with someone new.

  11. #9
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    Thanks for the feedback and for the sanity check, that's why I'm here. It's a challenging time but I'll wait for her to reach out and if not I will have peace with that as well

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by SteveT
    Thanks for the feedback and for the sanity check, that's why I'm here. It's a challenging time but I'll wait for her to reach out and if not I will have peace with that as well
    Itís a challenging time for everyone.
    Iíve had exes crawl out of the woodwork during this time. So have my friends.
    And all I think about them is negative.
    Havenít heard from them ever until they feel sorry for themselves in isolation.

    Itís such a selfish act. It does not come from a place of caring, sorry.

    If you have self reflected and feel genuine about this person , you will ONLY contact her after you are free to go about normal life again.

    Iíd love to get an update then!!

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