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Thread: Advice on my situation

  1. #1
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    Advice on my situation

    Hi

    Around mid November my best friends wife set me up with a work colleague for a group date. Since then we dated 4 times just the two of us, when I asked if she’d like to do something she said she wasn’t sure and that she really liked me and she enjoyed my company but just saw me as a friend. Ok I said just friends. As it would happen while we was dating we had arranged a group NYE evening and she still wanted to go accord to my mate, ok I said thinking just as friends. Well we had a really good night and at the stroke of 12 I went to give a hug nothing more because as I said she said she just wanted to be friends but she kissed me. We kissed again later on that night and again when i left her at her door. So a few weeks passed and I asked her if she was interested in giving it another go given how NYE had planned out, to my surprise she was against the idea. We have spent another 3 nights out just the two of us and one night when she came into my local with her friends who all say she relies me. So I asked folder her I really liked her and she said she would distance her self from me because she didn’t want to be the cause of any upset. About two weeks ago now I messaged her to see if she was alright what with everything that’s going on in the world today and she dropped in that she wished she had feelings for me but she knows it will never happen as I asked her two questions. 1. Was she 100% these feelings could never grow. 2. What did we have to lose and what did we have to gain by trying. She still stuck to her guns and said she knew her own mind and she would never have feelings for me. So I suggested a compromise give it a couple of months and if we are no further forward then at least we tried and we could leave it at friends. She said it would make things worse. So I asked her how could things get worse to this she replied that I wasn’t listening. So I said this was the end of the road for us and good buy that it had been nice meeting her and wished her all the best. She didn’t reply after that and I haven’t heard from her since. What I’m asking myself is if she wishes she felt the same and if she does like me why not try, I mean actions speak louder than words right and why kiss after we had split up? Any advise or tips would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    For goshsakes, she is not interested in your romantically at all.

    Time to stop pestering her.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    My advice is that you do the thing you've struggled to do, the very thing she has asked you to do, which is to listen to her. That means listening to what she says, not what you want to hear. And what she has said, in every possible way a human being can say it, is that she is not interested in you romantically. At all.

    The New Years kissing was a bit confusing, I get it. But also? It was New Years, people get a little loose, things happen. Y'all made a out a bit, and when the sun came up? She was explicit in explain that, to her, it meant nothing. Again, listen to that. Not fun to hear, I know, but that's life, not always fun. Sometimes I don't like what my bank statements say to me, but I listen to them, if you get my drift.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Good grief. You're acting like a stalker. She isn't interested.

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  6. #5
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    OP, you really need to drop it and leave her alone. You're making yourself look desperate and pushy, and I imagine it's starting to irritate her. She's told you in many different ways.

    She kissed you on NYE because it's New Year's, and she was probably a little drunk and little lonely without someone to kiss. It wasn't a good idea on her part, and her actions and words thereafter support that.

    You should never have to essentially bargain with someone to give you a chance. Accept that she doesn't feel the way you do, and move on. Don't make a nuisance of yourself. Preserve your dignity and know that the right woman for you won't need to be convinced to go out with you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Some women can be silly sometimes and kiss men, and it doesn't mean anything. It's a boost to their ego, and nothing more.
    She could literally kiss any man and it mean nothing.
    On NYE especially, people kiss all sorts of people due to the occasion and no one means anything by it 99% of the time.

    You are reading way way too much into all of it. You want something to mean something but trust me when I say, that if she told you no, and that it's not happening, believe it!

    She's not playing hard to get, she's not trying to be mysterious, she's not all of a sudden going to fall for you. She meant it when she said she sees you as a friend...end of.

    Please pursue someone else, you're beating a dead horse.

    But yes, I mean this in the most sympathetic way possible so it will help you, but you are becoming a nuisance to her. Please don't contact her anymore.

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    Sorry I should have made it clearer I have cut all ties to this woman and haven’t been or tried to make any sort of contact since our last conversation and don’t plan on doing so what is like to ask is have I do t the right thing from my point ton view it looked like it was going to turn toxic.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Paul135
    what is like to ask is have I do t the right thing from my point ton view it looked like it was going to turn toxic.
    I don't quite understand what you're asking, Paul.

    Do you mean have you done the right thing in saying goodbye? If so, then yes. That was really your only option. She was not interested.

  10. #9
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    Yes that was my question I gave it a shot at just being friends but I was not being honest with her or my self and time spent together just felt false if you understand my meaning.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good you put an end to it. She didn't seem that interested, but because of mutual acquaintances needed to be 'nice' about it. Now let it go and start talking to other women.
    Originally Posted by Paul135
    I said this was the end of the road for us and good buy that it had been nice meeting her and wished her all the best. She didn’t reply after that and I haven’t heard from her since.

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