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Thread: I did hurt badly my man because of sport...

  1. #1

    I did hurt badly my man because of sport...

    Hello my name is Isabelle. I am sorry for that terrible english but as you did guess it’s not my native language…

    So Im a beautician and my hubby is an ex military and a bit macho.All is great but with the job and daily things to do I struggle to get some time with him To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together. One month before the virus... What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport (im an ex ballerina) but he refuses, he wants tennis but i hate racket sport… So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let’s try it…

    Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the “fight part” in the end of the lesson. With the virus, we can’t go anymore, so a few days ago, he asked me to practice at home. We used a mat for safety and worked on the moves as in training. After one hour he challenged me in a friendly match, like for the normal session "if I dare" and he'll show me "who's the boss, it's not like dancing...".

    It was the first time we have a match together. Well, I am a bit taller and i practiced ballerina during years but he outweight me and he is an ex military so im not too much confident.. ok let's try it!

    We hang each other kimono and turn around. I quickly noticed the previous exercices tired him more than me. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right, I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). his face was all red and while he get up. I don't know wich one of us wer the mroe surprised. I can’t hide myself from smiling.

    Now he seems really focus and we start again. I still smile while he seems really serious. I pull his kimono again and got him the exact same way. On the ground I quickly wrapped my arms around his head and I block his legs with my feet. He struggle but I had a good grip so i count to 5 and win… Before I release himI whisper on his ear “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time, where is the tough soldier now?” and I kissed him in his cheek. I get up (and dance a bit to celebrate i confess) and prepare for the 3rd round but he said he didnt want anymore

    Later I struggled not to have a strange silence that can sometimes happen. He says nothing and I make a monologue about housework. It seems that he doesn’t want to do judo anymore. I laugh a bit at first, asking him if it’s because I beat him, but he answers me aggressively that no, he just thinks it’s a waste of time.

    I haven’t talked to him about it, but he looks different like he’s worried about something, like something is broken. I don’t know. He’s cold with me, never laughs, and seems even a bit depressed.

    I didn’t want to hurt him, and now I don’t know how I can fix things. Atmosphere is now complicated with the quarantaine....

    Please help.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to find your own forms of fitness. Unfortunately your relationship does not sounds happy. It sounds like you are finding arguments for no reason. Take dance classes, exercise streaming services, yoga etc. by yourself, watch classes on TV. Leave the poor man alone and stop being happy you beat him up.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's obvious that you can't do a hobby together where you two are in competition, so tennis wouldn't have worked either. Doesn't mean you can't continue on with judo yourself since you enjoy it. My husband and I have totally separate hobbies, because they differ so much, and neither of us would enjoy each other's hobbies. We like to hike on local trails, go to flea markets, and engage in all the other normal things couples do like going to dinner.

    If you otherwise have a good relationship, this will blow over.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    You bruised his ego, he wants a sport he'll win at. My fiance is extremely competitive so I try not to do sports with him as it'll affect his ego.
    My ex would give me silent treatment when I would win games against him.
    He wants to be the best, and his behaviour now is childish, he has to see you as an equal, not some poor girly girl who can look after herself.

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    he challenged me in a friendly match, like for the normal session "if I dare" and he'll show me "who's the boss, it's not like dancing...".

    You didn't do anything wrong. He got a piece of his own medicine and is a sour loser. Now, nobody like to lose but had he been a bit less insecure of him self , he would laugh it off after a while. I know myself would rater not engage in fighting game with a boyfriend cause I can be a sour loser too!
    Don't apologize but don't brag either. Let him cool off and in the future try to do activities that require you to act as a team like hiking, cooking, dancing etc.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You didn't do anything wrong and your husband is not macho, he is very insecure and weak. Also, he spent years looking down on you thinking that ballet and dancing isn't heavily physical and athletic - he is now having to adjust that attitude big time. Since he has an ego problem, stay away from doing things together that involve any form of competitiveness. Any time you'll beat him, he'll act like a giant child and have himself a tantrum.

    Basically, if you want peace in your marriage, either have separate hobbies, or stay away from anything that pits you two into a competition. He is a sore loser and it won't be fun even if you compete against others as a team. He'll always be a sore loser.

  8. #7
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    Mr. Macho got his ego bruised. He chose something that he thought he could beat you at.

    Nom more competitive sports with him, as he is a sore loser. Try walking or hiking. Anything that does not require competition. He is an insecure man!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Poor guy got beat by his wife and now he is pouting.

    He should be proud that his wife is so athletic and can take care of herself but all he can think about is his ego and how this affects his manhood. He has the problem not you.

    Let him sulk around for a while, he will get over it sooner or later. Go about your normal routines and if he doesn't stop acting like a baby then call him on it.

    Lost

  10. #9
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    The problem with choosing a combat sport between a man and a woman is that, as the man, you're in a very awkward position. I know that people might say 'oh that's sexist, men and women are equal' but I would still feel really uncomfortable throwing a woman forcefully to the floor in a judo ring or raining my fists down on a woman in a boxing ring! Sparring ok, but not actually competing - hence why these sports (as far as I'm aware) only ever pit men against men and women against women.

    Whereas other sports, you can both genuinely compete against each other. I play tennis at a decent amateur level and I've had some great matches against women, including a couple of female pros. Same with running, competing in 5k races etc. So if you want to really compete against each other in a sport (rather than just muck around), I would re-think your choice of sport.

  11. #10
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    I think your hubby is insecure. My hubby and I have competitions, including sporting matches and I've beaten him too (sometimes pretty bad) but he never throws a tantrum or gives me the silent treatment. If anything, it's lots of trash talking and maybe him saying "he let me win" but it's all still fun and smiles from him.

    If this guy is who you are going to be spending your life with, you need to ask yourself if you are okay with a guy who can't put his ego in check.

    If he maintains this bitter and quiet demeanor, I would tell him to get over himself!

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