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Thread: Left my boyfriend!

  1. #61
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hannah97
    It is not my job to tell his friends at all. Nor do i plan to. But i feel stuck now as i told him i had cheated on him as a way to end the relationship without him trying to convince me to stay and without bringing his ex and everything i now know into the equation so now any of our mutual friends and contacts that he speaks to and tells are going to be told that that is what happened
    Well, listing a relationship status or not has zero to do with that. You can't put whatever toothpaste you spread to one person back in the tube. That's why it's never smart to say anything to anyone that you don't want to become public.

  2. #62
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    Originally Posted by Hannah97
    It is not my job to tell his friends at all. Nor do i plan to. But i feel stuck now as i told him i had cheated on him as a way to end the relationship without him trying to convince me to stay and without bringing his ex and everything i now know into the equation so now any of our mutual friends and contacts that he speaks to and tells are going to be told that that is what happened
    Well, yeah. That's why it was a very bad idea to take the approach you did. You really should have thought that one through more, Hannah.

    You can't undo that now, as I doubt many people will believe you if you try to back-pedal and say it wasn't true. You'll have to take this as a tough lesson about the importance of speaking your truth and not just doing whatever other people want you to do. There is a reason we all have backbones and yours needs strengthening. Don't make this mistake again in the future.

  3. #63
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Well, yeah. That's why it was a very bad idea to take the approach you did. You really should have thought that one through more, Hannah.

    You can't undo that now, as I doubt many people will believe you if you try to back-pedal and say it wasn't true. You'll have to take this as a tough lesson about the importance of speaking your truth and not just doing whatever other people want you to do. There is a reason we all have backbones and yours needs strengthening. Don't make this mistake again in the future.
    I just wanted to do what i thought was best for the children as i feel i have already caused them enough pain over these last months

  4. #64
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hannah97
    I just wanted to do what i thought was best for the children as i feel i have already caused them enough pain over these last months
    Understood. You probably could have made better choices, but I think you acted well overall. Unfortunately, you are not going to get a medal of honor for that. Some people will continue to dislike you. Time to put your big girl pants on and move on.

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  6. #65
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hannah97
    I just wanted to do what i thought was best for the children as i feel i have already caused them enough pain over these last months
    I get this. At the same time? You have not caused these children any pain, nor have they ever been your responsibility. That is for their parents, two people who were clearly struggling with the business of being grownups before you ever came into things. Whether they get a grip, or not—well, that will the result of their choices moving forward, not yours.

    Sometimes the biggest thing to do—most of the time, honestly—is to not think of ourselves as the main character in other people's stories, no matter how dramatic things get for a bit. So while you're trying very hard not to ruffle any more feathers, those very attempts are just going to ruffle more, since you're essentially creating a maze where there is a straight line, numerous lies (that you cheated, that you're still together according to Facebook) in favor of a simple, sad truth.

    You're young and this was a short relationship that did not end well. Lots of hurt, lots of lessons. The sooner you put it all behind you, the sooner you can work through those feelings and digest those lessons, so you'll make different choices in the future.

  7. #66
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Sometimes the biggest thing to do—most of the time, honestly—is to not think of ourselves as the main character in other people's stories, no matter how dramatic things get for a bit. So while you're trying very hard not to ruffle any more feathers, those very attempts are just going to ruffle more, since you're essentially creating a maze where there is a straight line, numerous lies (that you cheated, that you're still together according to Facebook) in favor of a simple, sad truth.
    Very much agreed.

  8. #67
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Two most important things that I needed to learn in order to exit relationships that didn't work for me were: 1) neither person needs to be (or become) a villain, and 2) both people don't need to agree to a breakup, it only takes one.

    Just saying 'This isn't working for me, I'm not happy, and I don't want us to continue seeking one another,' may not sound like a satisfactory 'reason' to break up, but there are no judges or juries in our love lives. The fact that one person wants out means it's done, regardless of whether the other person agrees, or not.

    Casting yourself as a villain was overkill, but there's nothing you can do about it now.

  9. #68
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    I have been trying to get on with things and stay away from everything for a little bit but i have had his ex messaging me again. Originally she was asking why i still had my relationship status public saying that she did not believe i had really ended things and that he had said things to her and she did not know what to believe. I replied telling her i had not been on social media and was keeping to myself for the time being, and that what was said between them was just that, between them and i had not spoken to him. She then asked again a few days later so i took the status down and informed her i had done so. I'll admit i was a little reluctant at first as i did not want everyone finding out just yet.

    I thought that would be the end of it but then last night she messaged again saying she still thinks it is part of an elaborate plan to get her to stop putting any blame on me. I told her i had more important things to worry about and that she should try and get on with her life, like i am with mine. I told her i did not want to speak to her and apologised if i sounded rude. She then continued to say that i owed her the truth. I got mad, told her to grow up, that she had issues and to stop contacting me and again, to get on with her life. To which she replied she was but that her life included him and that that is why she wanted to find out the truth. And that she does have issues, that because of me, she has trust issues.


    While i understand her needing the truth, i do not understand why she feels the need to keep contacting me about things instead of speaking to him. And i do not understand why i should be expected to prove myself to anyone, least of all her.

    I have been nothing but honest with her from the start.
    Also her trust issues are not down to me as i knew nothing of their relationship when me and him got together.

    Why won't she leave me alone? I've left him. She should be happy. She can have him back now, if she hasn't already.

  10. #69
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    Block her.

  11. #70
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hannah97
    I have been trying to get on with things and stay away from everything for a little bit but i have had his ex messaging me again. Originally she was asking why i still had my relationship status public saying that she did not believe i had really ended things and that he had said things to her and she did not know what to believe. I replied telling her i had not been on social media and was keeping to myself for the time being, and that what was said between them was just that, between them and i had not spoken to him. She then asked again a few days later so i took the status down and informed her i had done so. I'll admit i was a little reluctant at first as i did not want everyone finding out just yet.

    I thought that would be the end of it but then last night she messaged again saying she still thinks it is part of an elaborate plan to get her to stop putting any blame on me. I told her i had more important things to worry about and that she should try and get on with her life, like i am with mine. I told her i did not want to speak to her and apologised if i sounded rude. She then continued to say that i owed her the truth. I got mad, told her to grow up, that she had issues and to stop contacting me and again, to get on with her life. To which she replied she was but that her life included him and that that is why she wanted to find out the truth. And that she does have issues, that because of me, she has trust issues.


    While i understand her needing the truth, i do not understand why she feels the need to keep contacting me about things instead of speaking to him. And i do not understand why i should be expected to prove myself to anyone, least of all her.

    I have been nothing but honest with her from the start.
    Also her trust issues are not down to me as i knew nothing of their relationship when me and him got together.

    Why won't she leave me alone? I've left him. She should be happy. She can have him back now, if she hasn't already.
    geez oh man... this lady does like the drama. Or she has no friends. Or she just likes the drama lol

    OR! She really just enjoys talking to you about how she has him back and oh, should she believe him?? don't you think? don'tcha? don'tcha? a-hole.

    I'd block her. who cares what she needs.

    YOU ARE SOOOO MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT THUS GUY AND ALL THIS BS!

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