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Thread: How to move on after being involved in a triangle type situation.

  1. #21
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    @JenCrowley We have been in No contact/Little contact for 4 months she has reached out to me 3 time once to wish me happy new year once to wish me happy birthday and she ask a friend of mine to ask me how I was doing during this Covid 19 pandemic because I had her block so she couldn't do it herself she is unblock again currently. I've only contacted her once to wish her happy birthday. I've tried to move on in those 4 months but I keep hearing her name and seeing her name everywhere and I see and hear things that remind me of her. I can't afford counseling and I would know where to look for a self help group.

    @boltnrun My motivation isn't to start communication with her but to get her to stop blaming herself so she can move on and be happy. I know she blames herself because she insists its all her fault even though I told her it was just as much my fault as it was hers. I don't have any of my friends phone numbers besides that like I said I'm an introvert and shy so I don't plan anything.

    @MissCanuck You need to stop taking her side this whole time you have said it couldn't be real between us because we live in different countries and have never met in person yet you have no problem saying its real between her and the other guy even though they both live in other countries and have never met in person you can't have it both ways. I know nothing is going to change some people just don't get to met someone and fall in love and live happily ever after and I'm one of those people who doesn't get to I'm just trying to work on fully accepting that.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If you already told her you are partly to blame why do you need to tell her again?

    I still think it's because you're looking for an excuse to contact her.

    And whatever we think about the realness of online-only relationships, if she has chosen to attach herself to someone else then that's it.

    My previous suggestion still stands.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedL
    @MissCanuck You need to stop taking her side this whole time you have said it couldn't be real between us because we live in different countries and have never met in person yet you have no problem saying its real between her and the other guy even though they both live in other countries and have never met in person you can't have it both ways. I know nothing is going to change some people just don't get to met someone and fall in love and live happily ever after and I'm one of those people who doesn't get to I'm just trying to work on fully accepting that.

    Where did I say it was real? I don't know where you got that from. I said she committed herself to someone else. Does that make it more real? No. Does it mean she doesn't have intentions of taking it any further with you? Yes. That is what I am trying to get across to you. She has her sights set on someone else, and that's all that matters. Do I think it's real? No, I think it's naive and unrealistic, personally. Does she? Apparently so. It's so real to her that she is putting things to end with you. This isn't about my own opinion, OP.

    This isn't about taking anyone's side, either. There are no sides to take. You're constructing a "me vs. her" dynamic in your mind which serves no purpose other than to upset you even more.

    For what it's worth, though, when you post on a public forum, you are going to hear some opinions you agree with, and others you don't. You can pick and choose which points to take in. If you were looking to garner validation to support your "side" of events, then I'm afraid you are in the wrong place, man. So, no, I don't "need to stop taking her side," or however you're framing this. I'm posting my thoughts on your situation; you don't get to control the narrative there. I happen to disagree with some things she did, and some things you did, in terms of protecting your own heart. That's all there is to it.

  4. #24
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    I know it's been a while. Let me first apologise for my behavior I asked for advice then acted like an when it was given. I took everybodys advice and tried to move on but yesterday she messaged me out of the blue and asked how I was and how my parents were and said she had been thinking of me. What do I do now? I was starting to feel like I was getting over her too. 3 months of no contact and she messaged me out of nowhere to tell me shes been thinking of me.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're in the friend zone. That's ok since you didn't block her.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedL
    but yesterday she messaged me out of the blue and asked how I was and how my parents were and said she had been thinking of me. What do I do now? I was starting to feel like I was getting over her too. 3 months of no contact and she messaged me out of nowhere to tell me shes been thinking of me.
    Block her.

    She is probably only sniffing around because there's trouble in paradise and she wants attention, or she's bored. Don't make the mistake of getting entangled in this again.

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