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Thread: How to move on after being involved in a triangle type situation.

  1. #11
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    @MissCanuck While I understand and appreciate your example your situation is different from mine as in yours both sides saw each other as just friends
    Yes, I realize that - which is why I also said this: "there are also people who constantly want attention and are glued to their devices, looking to fill their time. I think that's what you have with this woman. Most adult women are not going to be interested in "being with" a guy who lives across the world and can't meet with in person - unless they're the type who need that constant validation, and turn to their digital platforms to supply it when real life gets dull."

    The conversation you typed out above supports what I said, in my opinion. She was just looking for some attention.

  2. #12
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    Thank you everyone who replied. You've convinced me that this was all my fault. Like @MissCanuck said I led myself on I was just too stupid to see it I take full responsibility for what happened. I've learned my lesson and will never try and put myself out there again. I'm 31 and never been in a relationship if something was going to happen it would have happened already so I guess I'll just give up.

  3. #13
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    I don't see why you would give up. You're only 31. Yes, it's on the older side to have never had a relationship but it's far from too old to find the right person for you.

    But putting yourself out there is not trying to strike something up with an online woman who lives across the globe. The logistics there were working against you from the very beginning. That's like going to McDonalds and being upset at their lack of sirloin steaks. You have to better your odds by working in a context that's conducive to getting the results you want.

    Do you try to date locally?

  4. #14
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    Your analogy doesn't make sense to me I wasn't looking for a relationship it was something that just happened we met became friends and I started having feelings for her and ruined everything. I don't date locally I live in a really small town I don't drink so I don't got to bars or clubs so it's hard for me to meet people. I don't really have friends to meet someone through. I also had a bad experience with a girl in JR High who kind of dated me for a week I found out later that she only did it because she felt bad for me. I didn't trust another girl again until I met this last one. I'm obviously too screwed up to be in a relationship anyway.

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  6. #15
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    Yes, if youíre 31 now and still hanging on to a bad experience from junior high, there are some deeper issues to explore. The same goes for a lack of friends. Whatís going on there?

    Being socially isolated can make nearly any positive interaction seem like a good option, and I suspect thatís what happened with this woman. You placed your trust in someone youíve never met. Thatís not usually a wise choice. No matter how much you might communicate with someone online, you donít really know them until youíve spent time together in person. I know you were excited by the potential but there was little tangible reason to trust this woman or pin your hopes on her.

  7. #16
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    I don't necessarily have a lack of friends more of a lack of close friends. I'm the kind of person who makes friends easily just none of them ever become close friends nor do they ever invite me to do things with them. I'm a very shy introverted person until I warm up to people then I become more extroverted. I obviously have some sort of commitment issues or abandonment issues or something. I just have way too many issues and can't be fixed so it's probably best that I just give up and just be sad and lonely forever. Also what you said about any positive interaction seeming like a good option makes me sound desperate and pathetic I'm not that desperate I may be pathetic but I'm not desperate. Spending time together in person was something we planed on doing which was one of the things that got me confused why would she come all this way to see someone that was just a friend. I guess I took that as meaning something more than it really was. She gave me a lot of reasons to get my hopes up like calling me cutie and telling me I make her blush but I guess that just what girls say to their guy friends. You're not going to charge me for these therapy sessions are you lol.

  8. #17
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    Should I message her and apologize for not taking responsibility for what happened instead of letting her take all the blame for what happened? I only took half the blame I should have taken all the blame.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedL
    Should I message her and apologize for not taking responsibility for what happened instead of letting her take all the blame for what happened? I only took half the blame I should have taken all the blame.
    I advise against reaching out to her and attempting to contact her at all as this will only hinder you from moving forward in the emotional healing process. No contact is the key to allow for self-healing and to eventually move on. Put your efforts into other things: hobbies, family, work, etc. If you believe it will help in the healing process, look into counseling or join a self-help group.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedL
    Should I message her and apologize for not taking responsibility for what happened instead of letting her take all the blame for what happened? I only took half the blame I should have taken all the blame.
    No, because your true motivation would be hoping to restart communication (whether you admit it or not lol).

    Once things get better I would work on being the one to suggest getting together with friends instead of waiting for them to invite you.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedL
    Should I message her and apologize for not taking responsibility for what happened instead of letting her take all the blame for what happened? I only took half the blame I should have taken all the blame.
    I don't see the point. Who takes the blame line isn't relevant. The bottom line (which is that she's committed herself to someone else) doesn't change.

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