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Thread: im being bullied at work!

  1. #1
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    im being bullied at work!

    i have been working as a hair stylist in a local salon... it is a huge company that has shops all over the US and now abroad...
    my problem is that after 15 years of working at this salon and after seeing many managers come and go, i am being bullied by my present manager... i have no reason why... we were friends for quite some time and then all of that changed... when i am at work, she literally "sneers" at me... (i dont think she even realizes that she's doing this)... i have worked w/ her for the last 5 to 7 yrs (i cant remember when she became my manager) and she took an immediate liking to me and i to her... we are both female and even though she is gay, i didnt care, plus she is in a relationship and i am happily married... she wld include me in everything outside of work... parties, going to a local bar after work having a glass of wine and just easygoing conversations (keeping an unwritten rule, not to gossip or talk of other coworkers)... during the past year, she has changed drastically towards me... if anyone were to ask what i may have done to cause her dislike, i wld honestly say i have no idea... i work only 18 hrs a week and i do my job well... i have been promoted in my position also... this is getting me down and im stressing all of the time... our shop has closed due to the corona virus and it will prob be a long time before we reopen again...
    several weeks ago, one of her closest friends in the salon smoked pot, right in the bathroom of the salon... everyone smelled it, even my client that i was working on at the time... what shocked me was that nothing was done about it... i am being sneered at by my mgr 99% of the time, plus her other buddies in the salon are treating me disrespectfully... i reported her behavior towards me to my Supervisor who, in turn went to my manager... if a mgr has a problem w/ an employee dont they ask for a meeting and discuss their concerns one on one?... was i wrong in contacting my supervisor and actually "ratting" on the pot smoker and the mgr who allowed it?... why do i feel so ostracized and wrong for doing the right thing?... some advice please!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Did her sneering at you start after you reported the pot smoker or was it going on before that? Did you go to her first about the pot smoker or did you immediately go over your managers head?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I don't see in your post how exactly you are being bullied. Also, you say that she is sneering at you but also that you are not sure she is aware.....so are you sure she is doing it or are you perhaps being overly sensitive and reading something that's not actually there? Something to consider.

    Overall, you had this great friendship with this woman for years sounds like and then suddenly it flipped. Can't you actually take her aside and ask her what happened that caused the rift? Direct communication is usually a good thing to attempt at least once.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Let things settle down during this time. Don't take people's moods personally. Take this time to reconnect and check in with friends, family, former coworkers. Update your resume, take some online courses or update your skills through other online learning.

    Focus on staying healthy and use this time to reflect if you want to return to work there. In the meantime consider other related professions you could do. look into spas, etc and consider applying when facilities reopen in your area. try to turn lemons into lemonade in this case.
    Originally Posted by larkrose
    ... our shop has closed due to the corona virus and it will prob be a long time before we reopen again...

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Ask your manager if you can have a virtual chat (online - Skyle or face time) and tell her how you feel. Ask her if you did anything to warrant her sneering, unfriendly behavior towards you. Ask for an explanation. Resolve this as two mature adults. Hopefully, she will apologize and if not, hopefully, she'll at least make an effort to make amends with you. Tell her you are uncomfortable with her pot smoking friends using the salon's restroom as their pot smoking den.

    If handling this situation fails, contact the salon's HR dept since you work for a huge company. Report your manager for creating a unprofessional, unfriendly environment, report her friends who smoke pot in the salon restroom and your overall toxic working situation.

    Snitches and whistle blowers are always ostracized. It comes with the territory.

    If you cannot resolve this situation, search for a nearby salon for your clients' sake and move to a new salon location for yourself. This is what my hair stylist did. She retained her client base since they were local to the new salon which wasn't far away from their previous salon.

    Don't remain in a unkind working atmosphere where you feel unwelcome everyday otherwise you'll never look forward to going to work everyday. You need to be happy with your job and your workplace.

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    the looks she would give me (sneering) were way before the pot smoking... they continued for a long time... then the girl smoked pot which i have never seen before... she never spoke to me about what was wrong... ever... just dirty looks which made me so uncomfortable... i just found out today that she apparently is sending people messages abt the salon being closed because of the virus and i rec'd no message... sigh... im stressed about this... its turning into one big mess... now i know why people keep their mouths shut and just take the abuse...

  8. #7
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    i hear what your saying... all of these "looks" she would give me were "out of the blue"... it was as if she wanted to make her feelings toward me known but not in an overt way... it started when my family member passed last month unexpectedly... i needed a refresh on my haircut because the viewing and funeral were scheduled for that month... i asked her politely if i cld get my haircut, she said "NO" in front of the entire salon (which is apparently against the rules) and because i desperately needed the cut, i paid for it!... that really threw her over the edge... the cut is and will always be, listed in the computer... day, time, who cut it etc etc...

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    one more thing... if she is my mgr why wld i be the one to approach her?... if she has a problem w/ me why isnt she calling a meeting w me?... im supposed to approach her and actually ask her why shes angry w/ me?... lol... nope... thats not happening... i went over her head... ill let u know what happens when all this passes over...

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    You're not being bullied. Nobody's entitled to a smile and friendly tone. She's your manager, and evidently not interested in being your friend. It is what it is. Your hours are very much part-time, and you won't be seeing her for awhile coming up anyhow. Having a former hair stylist for a mother, I understand the climate is for better or worse generally a bit more personable, so I can understand you lamenting it's suddenly not. Still, it's really not the end of the world-- and certainly not bullying-- if you don't get on with her.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by larkrose
    one more thing... if she is my mgr why wld i be the one to approach her?...
    Because you're the one that is feeling slighted in some way?

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