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Thread: I got played..

  1. #1

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    I got played..

    Hi everyone,

    I'm sorry to trouble you all during this pandemic but I am really struggling and I can't seem to turn to my friends and family for support.

    I was recently introduced to a guy through one of our mutual friends. We met when my friend took me to a bar. Let's call that guy Gordon. Gordon and I spoke but we didn't exchange numbers so I thought that was the end of that. I should add that I have a Chelsea FC pop socket behind my phone. Gordon saw it and told me he's a Chelsea fan as well. He then proceeded to scroll through his camera roll to show me a picture of his car, which he calls Chelsea. While he was scrolling, I saw saw several pictures of him with a young lady. I asked him if that was his girlfriend and he said yes.

    A week later, our mutual friend messaged me and told me that Gordon wanted us all to meet at TGI Fridays. My friend couldn't go because he had to work so Gordon asked him for my number in order to ask me. He messaged me but I was unable to go, due to flu like symptoms (not Covid).

    We spoke non stop the Friday and over the weekend. While getting to know each other, I asked him how come he wanted to hang out with me, since he's in a relationship. He said that she is the mother of his child, so he tries to stay in a relationship with her for the sake of their child but they're both really unhappy and break up often due to incompatibility. He claimed that they were now no longer together.

    Like the gullible, trusting idiot that I am, I chose to believe him. We then met up on several occasions subsequent to that. Our connection was undeniably strong. I never got that they were still together because he would never be on the phone with her when we would hang out. I've met his family, friends, he wanted to take me to a work party. We've hung out during the day, so it's not like I was being hidden. It really felt like were in a relationship. He even said I had all of him.

    We subsequently became intimate. After the encounter, he was about to hop in the shower and I saw a tattoo on his chest with their both names. Obviously, I was disgusted. Had I seen or known about that before, we would have never had sex. Now I know why he wanted to do it in the dark. All that should have been my warning sign. We had a discussion about the tattoo and he swore that he would cover it up when social distancing is over. He said that he was asked to get the tattoo by her, last year, to prove his love for her, so he did it. Now I'm not sure what to believe. I asked if she had any tattoos of him and he said no.

    After that, we would be good but then whenever he would go to visit his son (who lives with his ex), he would be distant towards me when he got back. He said it was due to her trying to get back together and that her efforts made him feel bad that he already started to move on with me and that he was so happy with me.

    Then last week Friday, he went to visit their son again and he fell asleep there. He claims that he slept on the couch and she was inside but I didn't believe him. We met up for a lengthy discussion this past Sunday, where he insisted that they are not together but his ex refuses to accept that he doesn't want to be with her. Again, I wasn't sure if this was true. Whenever he visits their son, I never hear from him. He said that's because he doesn't want any confusion but my question is, if you're single, why should you talking to anyone cause confusion? Total red flag again.

    While we were talking, it was near the sea and the sunset was so beautiful that he asked for us to take some selfies in front of it. Even though I was still mad, I agreed. While taking the selfies on his phone, I saw that he got a WhatsApp notification from a contact saved under "My world ❤❤My babygirl".

    I was obviously hurt. He said that he never changed his ex's contact name from ever since. I didn't believe him. Now, I would never ordinarily do this but at that point, I was fed up. I asked him to show me their WhatsApp chat. He refused. From that, I knew he was lying. I asked him to take me home by him to collect some of my things and then I made my own way home. I was breaking down in tears on the way to his place and he didn't even say anything. After I left his place, he messaged me but only to send the selfies which we took earlier. I asked him to leave me alone and never contact me again. He still called and asked if I made it home and I told him to leave me be and that I wanted to forget him. I hung up. He messaged me asking if I really wanted to forget him. I said yes and he sent a sad face. I told him to go and message "his world/baby girl" and I blocked him.

    Yesterday was hard for me. I cried all day in bed. I feel devastated. This is a man who promised me he will always be honest, never put me through any hurt, give me his all and assured me that I could trust him. I came off of a 1 year and 8 month abstinence ban from sex for him, that how sure I was that he was worth it. He texted messaged last night (since he knows he's blocked on WhatsApp) saying "hi babe". How can he be so carefree after all that he's done? I never replied.

    Yesterday, I did some investigating online and saw that while he and I were taking selfies by the sunset, his "ex" was posting pics of their family on Facebook. I also saw that their relationship status is engaged. Mind you, I asked him if they were engaged and he said no. I wish I did this lurking prior but I am such a trusting person, I feel badly to do that. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be in this predicament. I miss him so much but I keep remembering how he lied to me.

    I am so tired of men using me to deal with their personal issues and when they have no more use for me, I get tossed to the side. I really thought we had a connection. Gordon told me that he hasn't been this happy in so long. He cried in front of me, he told me things he never told anyone (so he said) and I thought we really had a great future ahead. I feel so sad and played.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Steer clear of men in relationships. The best way to prevent getting hurt is to get to know someone for a while before investing your heart and soul.
    Originally Posted by Rae1988
    I asked him if that was his girlfriend and he said yes. I did some investigating online and saw that while he and I were taking selfies by the sunset, his "ex" was posting pics of their family on Facebook. I also saw that their relationship status is engaged.

  3. #3

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    @wiseman2 he told me they were broken up. I take blame for not waiting for him to fully heal. I even told him that we can be friends until he sorts out everything on his end but he insisted that he wanted to be with me. I guess I got caught up in him selling me dreams.

  4. #4
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    Before commenting further, a question to clarify the context:

    How long were you actually dating him, and how long had he claimed to be single before you two went out the first time?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    All of THIS should have been your warning sign... not his tatoo that you would only have seen if you schtuuped.
    so he tries to stay in a relationship with her for the sake of their child but they're both really unhappy and break up often due to incompatibility.
    The very fact that they "break up often" also means that they tend to get back together just as often.
    Common sense, No?

    I am so tired of men using me to deal with their personal issues and when they have no more use for me, I get tossed to the side.
    Just to state the obvious and not to be mean... The common denominator here is you. Learn to read read flags... like the one I quoted for example and quickly get away from men who often get back with their ex.

  7. #6

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    @miss Canuck the first part of your question, I can't fully answer because he considered us to be in a relationship when I thought we were just dating. I would say we we're officially dating for almost two months but he would say it's been longer than that.

    Second part of your question, according to him, he's been single but when I met him, he said he wasn't then his story changed so I'm not sure how to place that timeline.

    There has been a lot of inconsistencies that are not adding up to me.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent observation. When this happens it's your cue to back away and avoid getting hurt next time.
    Originally Posted by Rae1988
    There has been a lot of inconsistencies that are not adding up to me.

  9. #8

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    @thatwasthen your response is very insensitive. I do read red flags, however, I try to be trusting, which has not always worked out well for me in the past. I already acknowledged that.

    If they broke up often in the past and he is telling me that they're done for good, he is fed up etc, I am to blame for thinking he has no reason to lie about that? Has nothing to do with common sense or lack thereof.

  10. #9

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    @wiseman2 thank you. I have done that and that's why I have ceased all communication with him. It's just hard for me, that's all..

  11. #10

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    @thatwasthen your responses have been rude and insensitive. No need for insults. Kindly take your negative views elsewhere.

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