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Thread: Heartbroken and lost

  1. #1
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    Mar 2020
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    Heartbroken and lost

    Hello,
    Hoping someone can guide me...

    I was dumped 4 weeks ago. It's totally rocked me as this was someone that had planned a future with me and someone that made me feel like I was worth something.

    Back in November she mentioned her head was a little muddled and wasn't sure what she wanted. We worked through it and December and January were great.
    At start of Feb, she mentions she's getting similar thoughts again.
    Believing that maybe I wasn't doing enough to make her happy, I tried harder, organised more dates, surprised her with flowers, did what I could to make her feel great. She though, saw this as smothering and pressure.
    I started to think she was interested in other men and probably referenced that, albeit in a lighthearted way, which upset her.
    We had a few days of not speaking then when we got in contact she mentioned how this whole situation was too stressful for her.
    2 days later she comes round and ends it with me.
    I took it badly, I respect her decision, I just found it very hard to accept. Foolishly I text her a few times asking why it happened, telling her we could still be great and sometimes just general chat.
    She told me thst I should stop messaging her. I tried but would occasionally slip up. I know it was wrong of me but I felt I hadn't been given closure on the whole thing.
    About 2 weeks later I notice she has removed me from social media. I text her to ask why (I thought this would have happened a lot sooner!) she didn't reply. A few hours later I text again asking why and that it would be polite just to reply.
    I get a reply telling me I am now blocked on social, phone, WhatsApp etc.
    Two days later the police call me to say she has told tjem I have been sending her "unwanted communication" I apologised to the officer and told him that if I knew it had upset her this much then there is no way I would have done it. I mentioned how many messages were conversation between us and not me begging for her or anything.

    I miss her more than I ever thought possible and I'm hoping that she may reach out to me bit I think it's unlikely. I just don't know how to move on as I would literally do anything for this girl.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I am sorry you're going through this. Heartache is very tough to deal with, but it is possible to heal from it.

    The best you can do for the time being, is to get therapy if at all possible. Seek out counselling either online or over the phone with the current situation going on.
    Ask for support from family and friends and try to spend as much time with them as you can (again via online or Zoom or whatever).

    Try to keep your mind occupied, it will help.

    And lastly, find a way to come to terms with the fact that this is now over. Do not contact her whatsoever again or you will be arrested.

    Many have survived heartache and as much as it hurts, it is something you can get past given enough time and healing.

  3. #3
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    I, too, am sorry that you are going through this, but you MUST stop messaging her. She's made that loud and clear, Rb. That, and the fact that she's involved the police. RED FLAGS!!!! As SherrySher mentioned, you should enlist the support from family and close friends. I also feel that you should keep your mind busy although one cannot do that 24/7, especially with all the craziness that's going on today. I would write down all the negative things that were present in your relationship and focus on those things and not the positive. Crazy as it sounds, it really does help. I, personally, found this to be very helpful. It's natural to idealize the person and the relationship. Listen to some uplifting music. Concentrate on all the good things you have in your life (your heath, family friends). Accept the fact that you simply weren't meant to be together. Read articles on the Internet regarding breakups, heartache, etc.

    You are hurting right now because you are suffering the demise of your relationship, so you have to go through the grieving process. It takes a long time and it's different for everyone but time will help you to heal. Time is the key. It's an unfortunate part of life that we all experience at one point or another.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    It sounds like she had a change of heart. Sad as it is - there was nothing you could have done better or different while you two were still together...

    Your only course is to leave her alone and grieve so you can get to healing. Best wishes...

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Hello,
    Hoping someone can guide me...

    I was dumped 4 weeks ago. It's totally rocked me as this was someone that had planned a future with me and someone that made me feel like I was worth something.

    Back in November she mentioned her head was a little muddled and wasn't sure what she wanted. We worked through it and December and January were great.
    At start of Feb, she mentions she's getting similar thoughts again.
    Believing that maybe I wasn't doing enough to make her happy, I tried harder, organised more dates, surprised her with flowers, did what I could to make her feel great. She though, saw this as smothering and pressure.
    I started to think she was interested in other men and probably referenced that, albeit in a lighthearted way, which upset her.
    We had a few days of not speaking then when we got in contact she mentioned how this whole situation was too stressful for her.
    2 days later she comes round and ends it with me.
    I took it badly, I respect her decision, I just found it very hard to accept. Foolishly I text her a few times asking why it happened, telling her we could still be great and sometimes just general chat.
    She told me thst I should stop messaging her. I tried but would occasionally slip up. I know it was wrong of me but I felt I hadn't been given closure on the whole thing.
    About 2 weeks later I notice she has removed me from social media. I text her to ask why (I thought this would have happened a lot sooner!) she didn't reply. A few hours later I text again asking why and that it would be polite just to reply.
    I get a reply telling me I am now blocked on social, phone, WhatsApp etc.
    Two days later the police call me to say she has told tjem I have been sending her "unwanted communication" I apologised to the officer and told him that if I knew it had upset her this much then there is no way I would have done it. I mentioned how many messages were conversation between us and not me begging for her or anything.

    I miss her more than I ever thought possible and I'm hoping that she may reach out to me bit I think it's unlikely. I just don't know how to move on as I would literally do anything for this girl.
    I know the feeling someone won't tell why they broke up with you

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Please leave her alone. Delete her from your phone so you cant accidently msg her. Block and delete her on social media.

    If you pester her again, you will have the police at your door and it wont end well. Get some therapy to learn how to get past this.

  8. #7
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    Thank you for your advice.
    I feel I should also explain when and why things started getting tough.
    In oct one of her family members passed away plus she lost her job. It made everything very stressful and with her mental health issues she would often refer to her "head being full"
    During this period arguments started as she struggled with life. I always tried to stay positive yet her mindset meant I was often shut down. During this time I also saw that she needed help so I contacted mental health groups, doctors etc but she told me off for doing so.
    I really feel that the issues of her grieving plus the job loss clouded her mind and with me trying to put more effort in to cheer her up she saw it as smothering when in reality it was out of love and trying to pick her back up.

  9. #8
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    Thank you for your advice.
    I feel I should also explain when and why things started getting tough.
    In oct one of her family members passed away plus she lost her job. It made everything very stressful and with her mental health issues she would often refer to her "head being full"
    During this period arguments started as she struggled with life. I always tried to stay positive yet her mindset meant I was often shut down. During this time I also saw that she needed help so I contacted mental health groups, doctors etc but she told me off for doing so.
    I really feel that the issues of her grieving plus the job loss clouded her mind and with me trying to put more effort in to cheer her up she saw it as smothering when in reality it was out of love and trying to pick her back up.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    I really feel that the issues of her grieving plus the job loss clouded her mind and with me trying to put more effort in to cheer her up she saw it as smothering when in reality it was out of love and trying to pick her back up.
    That may indeed be true. Unfortunately, it's not how she sees it and it's not a battle you can fight for her. You might have had the best intentions but it sadly doesn't mean they would be well-received. You can't help someone who won't help themselves.

    At this point, there is little you can do but cut all ties with her and focus on your healing. Any further attempt to contact her is going to land you in legal hot water.

    Out of curiosity, what sort of mental health issues do you believe she struggles with?

  11. #10
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    Hello,
    It's not so much that I believe she has them. She actually does
    Depression, anxiety, ocd. Add to this 2 physical health conditions that hinder her on a daily basis.
    What is weird is that a few days prior to it being ended, when she was discussing feeling unhappy, she told me, "I don't know why I feel like this, you are the best boyfriend I have ever had. So caring, loving etc etc"

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