Originally Posted by DancingFool
The thing about closure is that it doesn't come from anyone but you yourself. It's about you starting to recognize and accept that this person was not the right match for you. It's really all there is to it. I know it's easy to say and not so easy to do, but you must start. Rather than focusing on trips missed, focus instead on what you can do that makes you happy without her.

Years ago I had a brief relationship and we parted ways quickly. It was sort of odd in that I was happy it was over but also not happy at all. Then I realized that I wasn't really mourning him, so much as the things we did, the lifestyle, the plans we had if you will. Then I realized that I totally don't need him for that and it was quite an enlightening revelation - I can have what I like and want without a person who doesn't really make me happy anyway. Not sure if I'm making sense here....but the point is that if you detach the plans from her, then you realize that you can do these things either solo or with friends or with someone else and suddenly you don't feel such a loss anymore. Life goes on.

The other part is I hope that you look up White Knight Syndrome. You seem to have a bad case of that and need to work on it. If you don't, it will keep you from what you crave - a happy relationship. Feeling guilt over things that are not in your control is a dangerous slippery slope that will land anyone in deep poo.
Thanks for the reply. Yeah I looked up white Knight syndrome and it seems I do tick a few boxes for it!
I also believe I suffer from retrospective jealousy as the issues relating to her past seem to play in my mind a lot more than they should. I know the past shouldn't matter but for some reason I always compare myself or just feel jealous. I know its not right too!