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Thread: Heartbroken and lost

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is way to much TMI on her part. She seems to have poor boundaries. At any rate the remark about keeping her options open for "the one", is a great reason to run, delete and block this one. It would be much worse if you continued. She seems flaky and talks way too much.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    This is way to much TMI on her part. She seems to have poor boundaries. At any rate the remark about keeping her options open for "the one", is a great reason to run, delete and block this one. It would be much worse if you continued. She seems flaky and talks way too much.
    Tmi?? Sorry I'm being clueless here!!

  3. #33
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    Are you referring to what TMI means, or that she gave you too much information regarding the card, how quickly she sleeps with men, etc. TMI mean 'too much information', in care you are not familiar with its meaning.

    After reading your detailed message, I'd say you dodged a bullet. She sounds and acts like a teenager who has not yet learned about boundaries. In addition, she seems to have no moral compass (sorry). Think about it. As Wiseman2 said RUN and don't look back. You don't need this drama in your life. This girl needs to grow up. You need someone more stable.

    You also seem to mold yourself to her wants, needs, etc. Do not do that. As Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true." Don't lose your identity. I am sure that, one day, you will look back and realise that deleting her from your life was a very wide decision.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Are you referring to what TMI means, or that she gave you too much information regarding the card, how quickly she sleeps with men, etc. TMI mean 'too much information', in care you are not familiar with its meaning.

    After reading your detailed message, I'd say you dodged a bullet. She sounds and acts like a teenager who has not yet learned about boundaries. In addition, she seems to have no moral compass (sorry). Think about it. As Wiseman2 said RUN and don't look back. You don't need this drama in your life. This girl needs to grow up. You need someone more stable.

    You also seem to mold yourself to her wants, needs, etc. Do not do that. As Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true." Don't lose your identity. I am sure that, one day, you will look back and realise that deleting her from your life was a very wide decision.
    Thanks, you make a lot of sense!
    I felt it was her poor mental health that had her talking like that to me as she, unfortunately, was abused by the previous partner. He caused her a great deal of mental harm and she said that her patch of getting with people quickly stemmed from feeling so hurt and scarred by him. So when I came along it was stability for her (I'm older than her and she appreciated my more mature outlook as it made her see mistakes)

    When she told me about the card etc she said it was purely out of hating the idea of hiding anything from me.
    Thanks again for helping me through this

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Thanks, you make a lot of sense!
    I felt it was her poor mental health that had her talking like that to me as she, unfortunately, was abused by the previous partner. He caused her a great deal of mental harm and she said that her patch of getting with people quickly stemmed from feeling so hurt and scarred by him. So when I came along it was stability for her (I'm older than her and she appreciated my more mature outlook as it made her see mistakes)

    When she told me about the card etc she said it was purely out of hating the idea of hiding anything from me.
    Thanks again for helping me through this
    Beware of people telling you that they are damaged goods or a victim and then that becoming an excuse for their bad behavior. It's a trap and a red flag the size of China. Next time you hear a story like that, run. I mean just run.

    Sure bad things can happen to good people, BUT good people will not make that your problem. They will take the time to heal or seek out therapy or otherwise will seek to find their balance without taking their issues out on their partner. Unfortunately, this woman is opposite. She used her past (if it's even true, you don't really know) to make you accept her poor behavior. You dodged a bullet here. No doubt she has mental health issues but more like a personality disorder than damage from past relationship. Look at how she treated you just now - you didn't stalk her, you didn't harass her yet she called the cops on you. These are not actions of normal sane person. She can now claim what? Another psycho ex? Tell some story to the next guy about how she was abused. Be very very wary of stories like that. When someone badmouths their ex's to you, pretty soon you'll be the ex being badmouthed the same way.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Thanks, you make a lot of sense!
    I felt it was her poor mental health that had her talking like that to me as she, unfortunately, was abused by the previous partner. He caused her a great deal of mental harm and she said that her patch of getting with people quickly stemmed from feeling so hurt and scarred by him. So when I came along it was stability for her (I'm older than her and she appreciated my more mature outlook as it made her see mistakes)

    When she told me about the card etc she said it was purely out of hating the idea of hiding anything from me.
    Thanks again for helping me through this
    This girl really needs to get her head on straight via some sort of counselling. I don't mean that in a condescending way. She needs to heal from the mental harm inflicted on her but getting with people quickly is surely not the way to solve her issues. That, if anything, will cause her (and the guy in question) more harm than good. Please don't subject yourself to this toxic scenario. Be good to yourself, take baby steps, and slowly heal. You sound like such a kind and compassionate person.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Beware of people telling you that they are damaged goods or a victim and then that becoming an excuse for their bad behavior. It's a trap and a red flag the size of China. Next time you hear a story like that, run. I mean just run.

    Sure bad things can happen to good people, BUT good people will not make that your problem. They will take the time to heal or seek out therapy or otherwise will seek to find their balance without taking their issues out on their partner. Unfortunately, this woman is opposite. She used her past (if it's even true, you don't really know) to make you accept her poor behavior. You dodged a bullet here. No doubt she has mental health issues but more like a personality disorder than damage from past relationship. Look at how she treated you just now - you didn't stalk her, you didn't harass her yet she called the cops on you. These are not actions of normal sane person. She can now claim what? Another psycho ex? Tell some story to the next guy about how she was abused. Be very very wary of stories like that. When someone badmouths their ex's to you, pretty soon you'll be the ex being badmouthed the same way.
    Yeah I had thought that myself, that now I'm going to be the one being badmouthed as the other ex was to me!
    She did actually say to me she was worried she had a personality disorder and has recently booked into private counselling

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    This girl really needs to get her head on straight via some sort of counselling. I don't mean that in a condescending way. She needs to heal from the mental harm inflicted on her but getting with people quickly is surely not the way to solve her issues. That, if anything, will cause her (and the guy in question) more harm than good. Please don't subject yourself to this toxic scenario. Be good to yourself, take baby steps, and slowly heal. You sound like such a kind and compassionate person.
    Agree. She does now say that getting with people quickly was deffo the wrong way to go about things.
    She now has counselling booked which I feel partially guilty for making her need to go to but she was also aware enough to know she needed help herself too
    Thank you I try to be kind to everyone!

  10. #39
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Yeah I had thought that myself, that now I'm going to be the one being badmouthed as the other ex was to me!
    She did actually say to me she was worried she had a personality disorder and has recently booked into private counselling
    Seems that you do have good instincts telling you something is wrong, but for whatever reason, you chose to ignore that little gut voice telling you to stay away. Something to think about going forward - always trust your gut and when alarms are ringing, walk away.

    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Agree. She does now say that getting with people quickly was deffo the wrong way to go about things.
    She now has counselling booked which I feel partially guilty for making her need to go to but she was also aware enough to know she needed help herself too
    Thank you I try to be kind to everyone!
    Why do you feel guilty that a person with issues finally realized that they have issues and need help and actually booked an appointment to start dealing and healing? Surely that's a good thing You didn't make her need to go, you don't have such powers, btw.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Seems that you do have good instincts telling you something is wrong, but for whatever reason, you chose to ignore that little gut voice telling you to stay away. Something to think about going forward - always trust your gut and when alarms are ringing, walk away.



    Why do you feel guilty that a person with issues finally realized that they have issues and need help and actually booked an appointment to start dealing and healing? Surely that's a good thing?
    Because I feel my "smothering and pressuring" made her feel worse mentally

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