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Thread: Heartbroken and lost

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    When someone needs to ease out of a relationship, often they try the 'let you down easy' approach, which ironically gives false hope. Why not use the mental health resources you researched for her, for yourself to get you through this?
    Good idea. I have started, I had an appointment a few weeks before lockdown and am now on a list for counselling

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Thanks for your message, it makes a great deal of sense.
    Definitely wasn't stalking or anything like that. All communication was via text and fairly often it was conversational rather than me being shut down.
    She did tell me to stop messaging and initially I did but with a few slip ups (genuinely not many at all!) It was when I found some of her belongings at my place that I reached out to her to organise them being collected that things went weird and after she collected I didn't contact again until I saw I'd been taken of her social media. It was from that happening that I dropped her a text simply asking about it and from there she called the police.
    Trust me, I never wanted to cause her any stress pain or upset and right now it kills me that I may have made her feel that way!
    That's the thing OP, you didn't make her feel scared or bad. What she did, call the cops on you, was callous, vindictive, and overall an ahole move on her part. What she showed is that she is both, not a stable person and also not a nice human being, quite dangerous actually. Open your eyes. You are still looking at her as this damsel in distress when in reality she is a grade A b...ch who will not hesitate to harm you. Please get your head out of your arse and start facing the reality of this situation.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    Totally agree. I know what I need to do. It just seems I can't find the motivation to start!
    Plus because right before she ended it she kept telling me how she wish she didn't feel this way due to how much she loved me it just messed my mind up.
    I know, and I totally understand. It is very, very hard. I did it and so can you! I actually made a sign in large letters which states "I am free. I am happy. No more verbal and emotional abuse. No more disrespect." I hung it on my bathroom door so that I'd see it every time I went in or past that room. I said it out loud for a number of months. Perhaps you can come up with some positives and make a sign to remind yourself of how good you feel that you are no longer in that relationship. I know it's not what you want but it's reality, my friend. Just saying...

  4. #24
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    Me again. I just wanted to say not to be too hard on yourself for having the feelings that you do. It's normal. Just know that, with time, you will feel better. Time is the key. Are you familiar with the different stages of grief? If not, check this out. It may help. [Register to see the link]

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  6. #25
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    Would genuinely like to say thank you to each and every one of you for advice given so far.
    It is really helping. I do feel there is a little more backstory I need to share in order to get the best advice from you guys as I do have some insecurities that I feel may have added to the split but I'm not sure as I can only take my perspective

  7. #26
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    Thanks for this. Will certainly have a look. Please also see my other reply

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Me again. I just wanted to say not to be too hard on yourself for having the feelings that you do. It's normal. Just know that, with time, you will feel better. Time is the key. Are you familiar with the different stages of grief? If not, check this out. It may help. [Register to see the link]
    Thanks for this please also see my other reply

  9. #28
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    Rb, no one is perfect. We all have our insecurities. But do continue to write to us.

  10. #29
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    Thank you.
    I'll give you an overview....
    In June 2018 we started chatting, we dated for about 6 weeks before we decided to become "official"
    In the introductory stages she referenced how she found herself often being dumped but finding herself getting right back into relationships too quickly which in turn hurt her more.
    I often joked with her that I was just another guy on the list. Sometimes she joined in with it being a joke. Other times she took offence.

    When her previous long term relationship ended she found that she would sleep with guys she was dating a lot quicker than she normally would as she hoped it would win them over and make them like her. I found this quite uncomfortable, I can't really pinpoint why.

    I always found myself comparing how many people I had been with compared to her. Again I don't know why as it shouldn't really matter.
    Because of how we flirted at the start and how we slept together before it became a relationship my mind now over analyses way too much. She said she has changed as a person and the old behaviour isn't what she is like anymore but for some reason I don't believe it. Again it shouldn't matter but for some reason it does.

    Last year she got a birthday card from an ex which made me feel weird too. She said to her it meant nothing and she couldn't control a card being sent, which is of course true.
    She also told me another ex sent her a message on social media, she struck up conversation with him but then felt terribly guilty so stopped. She got very upset with herself for it but I forgave her as the conversation was simply friendly.

    When it came to us chatting about our future she kept referencing she could no longer tell if I was the person she wanted kids, marriage etc with. She would say "how do I know someone I meet at work, or with friends isn't actually the one I'm meant to be with"
    She felt guilty about feeling like this but as a result of these feelings I had to (or at least I felt I did) try harder

  11. #30
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    I know what you feel, this has happened to me before. Panicking, not knowing what I did wrong and blaming myself for being stupid, wishing I never did what it was that I did that set it all off. But what did I really do that snowballed into a crisis? I never found out.

    You will never know because one thing led to another, something you did with good intentions was taken the wrong way, and when she wonít talk, thatís the end of it. So start focusing on yourself. I do not see anything wrong with what you did on your first post. In my opinion, it is not your fault. You made mistakes down the road but this is what a guy freefalling in a rabbit hole would do. You might actually have discovered the tip of an iceberg of misery. Imagine your life with her. Start anew, get help, and write it off. Nothing more you can do but make sure you are ok instead of spiraling in an endless quest for answers, blaming, and wishing you could have done this or that. Be healthy.

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