Why Do Ex’s Always Come Back When You’re Moving On?

I made a post previously about my ex and I. She broke up with me 6 months ago. She recently reconnected with me, but I soon found out she was only reconnecting with me because the guy she was interested in wouldn’t give her a relationship. We hung out and were talking regularly but as soon as he stuck his head back in the picture she stopped talking to me altogether. I had enough, I ended up blocking her on Facebook, Instagram, as well as blocking her phone number. A week has passed and I have been feeling pretty good, relieved that I haven’t been thinking of her as much.

Found out I forgot I had her on Snapchat since I never use it. She messaged me last night around 2:30 AM telling me she has been thinking about me and that she hopes everything is going well for me. Like, why does she do this. She keeps stringing me along when I know she’s just going to keep going back for him, and I’ll just become an afterthought again.

Sorry about this.

For your own health, longterm, I'd really try to avoid blanket generalizations about what exes "always" do. Indulge in that line of thinking too hard, and for too long, and you grease the rails for a journey toward bitterness and judgment. Ever hear people make comments about how "all" women are x, or "all" men are y? Never cute, since they're really just talking about one woman or one man who gave them some emotional whiplash. Just something to consider, as you think and feel through all this.

In terms of the specifics? Look, it's a thing that happens, sometimes. Call it immaturity, someone who has yet to figure out how to be alone. Easy way to think about it? Imagine you and I are having a beer at a bar—just two dudes—and I get up to use the bathroom. Now you're a little bored. What do you do? You can sit there, think in silence, or you can reach for your phone, get a quick hit of stimulation: Facebook, Instagram, the news. You can see if you got some "likes." No biggie. Human. You just found a way to feel less bored and lonely, during the six minutes it took me to urinate.

What you're describing here? It's that, more or less. No human can really "string" another human along, since that's a dynamic that requires two people. If it's not something you want to deal with, you can very easily just ignore it and block those avenues of communication. I get a few calls a week from credit card companies trying to tempt me into shady deals, for instance. I don't feel that they are manipulative monsters. I know listening to those deals is step one toward financial despair, and so I ignore them, shrug them off. You can do the same here.

Human beings like attention, hate feeling like, well, "afterthoughts," to use your word. Last night, at 2:30, she felt a little like an afterthought, and turned to you to feel like a forethought. Did you respond? I ask because the power here is in your own actions, and understanding them, not in turning hers into a maze that leads you to pass judgement on every ex that has ever walked the globe.

This is not an "always" thing for people. In your case you need to remove her from your Snapchat.

She keeps coming back perhaps because you are better than nothing? Just a guess. You have the power to stop her!

do not respond. just block her.

a 230 am message is all you need to know... she was drunk, lonely, horny or all of the above.

Do not be her pacifier...

She keeps coming back because the guy she is interested in isn't giving her the attention she wants.

Ignore her. She is trying to use you as a substitute to ease her lonely moments, but isn't seriously trying to reconcile.

She likes the thought that you are still hanging on. It is a big ego boost, and is highly disrespectful and selfish.

Block her on everything!

Did you respond to her message?

You know the answer...she is the type of person who wants attention and she knows you'll give it to her no matter what. I presume she believes you want her back and will therefore do anything to keep yourself in her life.

So, go ahead and block her on Snapchat and then go on with your life.

My guess is she's sending out the bait, hoping you'll bite and reward her with an ego boost. Keep in mind this is all about her...nothing else.

My ex tried to keep me in his fan club through various means (compliments, messaging me when he and his girlfriend fought, asking to see me when I visited his town, etc.). Once I got tired of his BS (because NONE of it meant he wanted to get back together!) I cut him off. He whined for a while, claiming to mutual friends "she must not have ever really loved me!!!!!" because I wasn't going to pine over and wait for him forever. Then he gave up once he realized I wanted nothing to do with him.

Funny thing is, I wanted him back more than anything until I stopped engaging with him. It took me only a couple short weeks before I stopped. I realized he was a loser bozo who added nothing positive to my life.

You can't quit your addiction to the drug if you keep taking hits. Block her from Instagram and shortly you will feel massive relief.

They really came back at the worst time, but i think this is just a test for us how strong we are against relationship

You took the right steps in blocking her and going no contact. She is using you as a backup plan. You are familiar and you provide attention and validation when she cant get it elsewhere. It would take too much effort and time for her to find a new attention source. And yes, she will ghost you as soon as the new guy shows her some attention. Block her out of your life for good. She will never come back to you and want an exclusive relationship because she likes the new guy more. That should be all the information you need to stay away from her. Never settle for being second because you never get promoted back to first place once you do. You deserve to be first and the only priority in your partners life. I agree with bluecastles comment about generalizing everyone in one category. All exes dont do that. For most of us, when we are done with you, we are done for good. Good luck to you.

Good call blocking. Three is a crowd.

as soon as he stuck his head back in the picture she stopped talking to me altogether. I ended up blocking her on Facebook, Instagram, as well as blocking her phone number.