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Thread: How do I start talking about myself?

  1. #1
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    How do I start talking about myself?

    I went through a lot of trauma in life and learned very early on that my thoughts, feelings and opinions don't matter. To this day, it's hard for me to open up to people and to speak up when necessary. This has been causing problems in my relationships, because the closer people get to me, the more they realise how little they actually know about me.

    I like talking about facts, so my boyfriend for example knows my birthday, my favourite kind of cake and that I dislike being out in the rain. But he doesn't know how I feel about my birthday, or why I like that certain kind of cake, or what's the matter with rain. It's not that he hasn't asked, but I simply don't know what to say. As soon as my own feelings are involved, things get hard. I'm terrified to be rejected if I put my feelings into words, and I can't seem to get over it.

    People always joke that I've literally told them every detail of my day without mentioning myself or how I felt about something even once.

    It feels lonely in my world, and I want to share what's on my mind with those I'm close to. I wish I knew how to overcome this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'd say a post like this is a wonderful place to start. Before diving deep, I'm curious about two things: How do you feel about your birthday, and what's your beef with rain?

    Safe space here! No worries for rejection. My ears are open and eager for your answers—and, hey, I'm just a straw person on the internet. Good place for a few laps on the bike with training wheels before riding on two wheels out in the wilds of IRL.

    So, let's hear it.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Awkwardly. You do it by fumbling through it. If I know one thing in life, it’s that people generally admire somebody who has the guts to be real. It usually feels like an expedition into Cringeland until you actually do it a few times and get to experience the power of real connection with another human. Then it begins to feel liberating and fascinating....

    My Grandma used to say “A burden shared is halved, but a joy shared is doubled.”

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    There is a group called Toastmasters where you learn about public speaking, you could see if there's one in your area, tho they probably are closed due to the virus. Google for their website. That could be a good place to start.

    I've always been able to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere so I'm sorry I cant appreciate your problem but I can certainly imagine how difficult it is.

    Feel free to write in here about anything you want, that cant hurt!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes, awkwardly at first and the more you talk, the easier it will get.

    When a situation comes up that opens the door to something you could share, don't hesitate, just mention it.

    Or when you and your boyfriend are either sitting together quietly or lying in bed, just say something like..."You know why I like the kind of cake I do? And then tell him".

    It will seem odd at first, but it will come with ease the more you practice it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Did you decide to stay in your relationship?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Al-Anon is a great place for you to talk. You can find people to open up to about your alcoholic bf and all the secrecy and shame that goes with being with someone like that. Therapy is another place you can talk without having to hide the truth about yourself and your relationship and staying with an alcoholic. Check it out online:[Register to see the link]

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    Thank you for your replies.
    It's not that I have issues with holding conversations in general; I'm super sociable at times and come across as a lot more confident than I actually am. It's the personal, up and close conversations that leave me unable to express myself.

    It feels a bit as if I suddenly develop selective mutism when it comes to talking about myself sometimes. I literally cannot make it happen, especially when there's a lot of expectation involved. So if someone were to ask me "Hey, why are you so quiet, why don't you like to talk about yourself?" I wouldn't be able to answer, just shrug helplessly. It doesn't always happen, but most of the time it's an issue.

    I didn't precisely decide to stay in my relationship, no. Just mentioned my (ex)boyfriend because it was a good example. He's actually helped me a great deal with this, because he's very patient. He's not the reason I'm a little bit messed up.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Curious: Does this issue present itself more often with men, in non-platonic environments, or is it something you feel with women as well?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Curious: Does this issue present itself more often with men, in non-platonic environments, or is it something you feel with women as well?
    With everyone. It's easier with strangers, as they are people I usually would not see again. So it feels "safer" to express myself, because if a stranger rejects me it won't have consequences.

    I met this dude at school a few months back - got drunk with him later that day, basically poured my soul out - because he was curious about me and I figured I'd never talk to him again. Well, he ended up sitting next to me every day since then and it's been extremely awkward.

    ---
    edit: Though now that I think about it, it's more an issue with men, and especially in intimate situations. Not sure what to make of that though.

    I'm older than your average student, don't mind me mentioning school.

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