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A Sign of Rejection?


Colonel23

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So, I met a girl on a dating app. She messaged me first saying "Hi" to me, then I replied to her asking for her social media and she gave it to me. We then started to talk on the social media app, after having a decent conversation. A couple days later, I saw her being active on the dating app where we met. This gives me a question if she is still interested in me or is she looking for someone better than me. I continue to message her but her replies to my messages were slow like a few hours after I sent the message (some were even a day). I told her that it sucks to be alone and asked for her whatsapp at the same time for easier communications. Just today, she replied to my message (which she hadn't read till today) that I sent her yesterday, she replied "Yeah, it is bad to be alone I am sure" and "I don't have whatsapp but I can install it". I then replied to her message saying what I do if i get bored when I am alone and I'll be waiting for her whatsapp. Likely a few minutes later, she just read my messaged, no replies whatsoever, None! This gives me a big impression that she is rejecting me. If she is, what could be the reason of the rejection? I am not sure. But it could be very likely that she's found someone better than me. In addition to that, a few days ago, I went on the dating app to see if she was still active but she hadn't been active for a week. After a couple days later, I looked for her profile on the dating app but couldn't find her, this means she has deleted her profile and I am not sure why. What should I do now?

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Unless you have met in person, you haven't met. You are just chatting with some girl online. It also sounds like you are getting way ahead of yourself with asking for her social media info and whining about being alone. You aren't dating, you haven't met and doesn't sound like you are being very interesting when it comes to just chatting. Nobody knows if she is rejecting you or not, what is clear is that she is taking this as she should - chatting with a stranger which may or may not lead to meeting face to face once this virus stuff is over. People have lives outside of you, so don't expect any girl to be glued to her phone waiting to chat and entertain you and jump to instant responses. You are reading way way way too much into nothing much.

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@DancingFool

 

I know. During our first conversation. She told me she would like to meet me. That means she was very likely interested in me. But I think she might have found another guy better than me (I could be wrong), that's why she does not reply to me that much/fast. But that's okay. The only thing I think that might be a problem is that she is not telling me that she's found someone she likes instead of wasting my time.

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Don't even wait that long, Colonel...not worth it. Go message heaps of other girls and wait for their replies.

 

The more you message, the better your chances are of finding the one (or even more than one) who is genuinely interested in you back and will be watching for messages from you, not the other way around.

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But I think she might have found another guy better than me

 

Try not to take it that way. Dating sites can be like that. Lots are messaging and it's not a personal thing.

She might have been messaging quite a few guys before you came along and all of a sudden decided to talk to one she'd been talking with the longest.

 

It might not be you at all.

 

That's why it's better to not put all your hopes into one person. Message lots of girls and wait for the one who wants to talk to you more than the rest.

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@DancingFool

 

I know. During our first conversation. She told me she would like to meet me. That means she was very likely interested in me. But I think she might have found another guy better than me (I could be wrong), that's why she does not reply to me that much/fast. But that's okay. The only thing I think that might be a problem is that she is not telling me that she's found someone she likes instead of wasting my time.

 

How exactly is she wasting your time? You owe each other nothing and I don't know where you live, but most places in the world are shut down due to the virus. Not exactly a time to be dating. Her interest to meet you was likely genuine, but just because someone expresses that interest, doesn't mean much. You are not bf/gf yet you seem to be reacting like you are already that. Cool your jets. Also, you should be talking to many ladies as well. Meeting people from online is a numbers game - most matches are not going to pan out for one reason or another.

 

Assuming that you are being rejected because of some other guy is super insecure on your part and going to be very unattractive to women when they sense that kind of insecurity and clinginess.

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That's on line dating.... people message and it can drop off. Not every message results in a meeting.

 

Some people don't want to message back and forth a lot before meeting. And now with the corona virus, meetings aren't happening. So they aren't as active with the messages.

 

Don't stop messaging other women until you meet, date for awhile and devide together to be exclusive.

 

Assume everyone is messaging and meeting (once we can go out again) many other people.

 

So long story short, yes. she is probably talking and responding to more interesting conversations.

 

And that does not make her a bad person. she doesn't know you or owe you anything....

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The reality is you will not be interesting to everyone you have a decent conversation with. Rejection is just part of finding a mate. It is what it is. You need to grow a thick skin, and move on. You will meet someone eventually, just not this time. And ya I agree, just because she talked to you one time, doesn't mean she owes you anything. If the messages die off, that's your cue to ditch them.

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Okay my response isn't about this particular girl.

 

What I read in your words and actions and probably what any girl will see is a guy that is insecure, needy and doesn't have a life. That may all be inaccurate but that is how you are coming off.

 

Being insecure is not attractive.

Being needy is even less attractive.

 

You are on a dating app and so is every girl you meet there so stop worrying about who else they may be talking to or if they are better than you you are. Basically you fulfilled your own fears by acting the way you did.

 

You got her interest online so that is good, you had an initial conversation which didn't go terribly which is also good but then you dropped the ball. During this pandemic meeting is a no no so figure out a go to plan once the initial connection is made.

 

I know this is totally old school and you may think I am crazy but what about actually hitting that green button on your phone and placing an actual voice phone call to a girl and have a real conversation? I know it sounds crazy but these are crazy times.

 

If you do decide to talk make sure you bring your A game. Don't talk about anything that is a downer. Ask questions about her and her life (nothing to personal) but show a genuine interest in getting to know her. Make sure you don't talk about being bored and needing someone to talk to or anything like that. Basically be attractive since you are trying to attract someone. Consider it like getting dressed up to meet someone new but dress up your personality.

 

Is it to late for this girl? Who knows but bugging her will only turn her off. Give it a break for a few days and if you don't have her phone number ask her for it so you can talk and get to know each other better. If she is lukewarm to the idea then don't chase her just move on with lessons learned.

 

 

Lost

 

PS. Why did you post this in Infidelity?

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You sound desperate! Move on from her, she's playing the field like so many others. Some other guy has probably gotten her attention. Dont be so needy next time you start messaging someone.

 

^^ this.

If a guy's basic opening line is how it sucks for him to be alone and telling her he'll be bored until the next time she gets in touch with him .I'd stop responding too.

Being alone only sucks if you have low self esteem and nothing else going on your life. If you are suggesting your existence and happiness is dependent on someone else, let alone someone you've never even met, you are likely to scare people off.

No. . she didn't find someone better. She likely moved on to someone who has a positive outlook to what being single means for them. They want a partner to enrich their already full life.

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Did you think you'd found a new girlfriend?

 

You don't even know her! It's not her responsibility to keep you entertained or from being lonely.

 

I have no idea if chat rooms are still a thing, but it would be better to communicate online with lots of people and not expecting a girl you never even met to keep you from being bored.

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How exactly is she wasting your time? You owe each other nothing and I don't know where you live, but most places in the world are shut down due to the virus. Not exactly a time to be dating. Her interest to meet you was likely genuine, but just because someone expresses that interest, doesn't mean much. You are not bf/gf yet you seem to be reacting like you are already that. Cool your jets. Also, you should be talking to many ladies as well. Meeting people from online is a numbers game - most matches are not going to pan out for one reason or another.

 

Assuming that you are being rejected because of some other guy is super insecure on your part and going to be very unattractive to women when they sense that kind of insecurity and clinginess.

 

 

Look, you still don't get what I mean and no, i don't consider her to be my girlfriend yet (not even a second). Let's use our common sense, she just said she wanted to meet up but is secretly ditching me without telling me a thing? That is just wrong and I know there are lots of people either men and women that have done this at least once or twice or maybe are still doing it. Assume you are the boss and I am the worker, for some reason, I promise you that I will come to work on this Saturday. It's Saturday now, it turns out that I am not present at the workplace and do not warn you that actually I am not going to work that day and till now I am still staying quiet about it. Will you feel angry/sad about it? of course you will! The reason is I do not tell you the truth that I will not be able to work on Saturday after telling you I can work on Saturday.

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That's a great analogy of how to conduct yourself in the workplace. You might want to adjust your expectations some when it comes to online dating.

 

You have never met this woman, therefore she doesn't owe you anything. Would have felt better had she told she wasn't interested and why?

 

Early online dating, I would tell someone I wasn't interested and I got lit up, cussed out and harassed. I thought i was doing the right thing.

 

So, instead of focusing on whether or she should have told you how she felt, you glossed over some of the feedback that was given you that might have given you an insight as to why she moved on.

 

Focus what you have control of. . and it's not the other person.

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Colonel 23, I get that you're annoyed that she isn't being straightforward with you. But that's how she is choosing to treat you. If you don't like the way she is treating you, let her go.

 

I also agree with others that being interesting is very attractive. How do you spent your leisure time?

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An employee has an already established relationship with their employer.

 

This woman did not and does not have an established relationship with you.

 

She didn't follow through. It happens sometimes.

 

 

She is still not letting me know that she's lost interest. She should let me know, so I can be certain. I hope you understand THAT!

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Why should she. You were not dating and you never met. She owes you nothing!

 

Do you have a circle of friends or a social life?

 

These are huge turnoffs: "I told her that it sucks to be alone," "what I do if i get bored when I am alone and I'll be waiting for her whatsapp." I am not trying to be mean, but I would not respond if someone said this to me. It demonstrates that you have no life.

 

Get back on the sites and start talking to multiple people to set up dates. Keep it positive and don't get so attached to strangers.

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Did you recently break up with someone? You seem too angry to date and seem to hold her to a strange standard as if you were in a relationship. You can't have a breakup talk with someone you never met.

 

When no meeting is specifically planned, she did not stand you up. She just faded and not continuing IS letting you know she's not interested. If she still won't respond or meet up you CAN indeed be absolutely certain she lost interest and is meeting /talking to others. She is under no obligation to inform you of that.

She is still not letting me know that she's lost interest. She should let me know, so I can be certain. I hope you understand THAT!
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Why should she. You were not dating and you never met. She owes you nothing!

 

Do you have a circle of friends or a social life?

 

These are huge turnoffs: "I told her that it sucks to be alone," "what I do if i get bored when I am alone and I'll be waiting for her whatsapp." I am not trying to be mean, but I would not respond if someone said this to me. It demonstrates that you have no life.

 

Get back on the sites and start talking to multiple people to set up dates. Keep it positive and don't get so attached to strangers.

 

Im sorry because I'm new to this relationship thing. Indeed, I have only few friends in life and never been in a relationship before and I have no luck in getting a girl in person. I mean, how does this online dating work if the girl I like is overseas?

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It doesn't work. That's why people don't start chitchat with unavailable people who are not nearby or have the a possibility to incorporate into your real life. Stay away from married, taken, unavailable, overseas, long distance and foreign profiles. They could be scammers, catfish or simply not interested in long distance pen-pals

I mean, how does this online dating work if the girl I like is overseas?
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