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Thread: I need advice on a break up with my ex girlfriend.

  1. #11
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    Hi boltnrun, thanks for you opinion I appreciate the reply.

    This is where my situation gets complicated. I want her attention and but at the same time I'm hurt because she seem's to not be taking the break up as badly as I am.

    I've tried to reconcile twice since the break up. After the first meet up and then the conversation we had before I blocked her. The block wasn't out of spite. I explained why I felt the need to do it.

    What kind of contact would you recommend if any?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by samyc123
    I didn't initiate the break up because she lost interest, I did it because I did.
    I suppose I'm not sure why you circled back and tried to fix things, in that case. If you lost interest, this break-up was what you wanted. No?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by samyc123
    Hi boltnrun, thanks for you opinion I appreciate the reply.

    This is where my situation gets complicated. I want her attention and but at the same time I'm hurt because she seem's to not be taking the break up as badly as I am.

    I've tried to reconcile twice since the break up. After the first meet up and then the conversation we had before I blocked her. The block wasn't out of spite. I explained why I felt the need to do it.

    What kind of contact would you recommend if any?
    None.

    You already tried. I'm not sure why trying again would make sense.

    She has made up her mind.

    It's no fun to go through but you can't be in the relationship by yourself. She has to agree to be in it too. So it would be better to accept her decision and then, when you're ready, think about meeting a woman who you don't have to try to plot a plan to get her to want to be with you.

  4. #14
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    To be honest the only explanation I can give for breaking up with her is really that I felt like it's what we both needed. Looking back on it now, It was immature of me to think like that. I wasn't trying to improve on the relationship, I took the easy way out. I'm not proud of it and rightfully so, I'm regretting my decision now. I'm man enough to acknowledge that I am to blame for this all falling down on me.

    In saying that, do you feel like there is anything I could or should be doing to improve my situation?

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  6. #15
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    Boltnrun

    I appreciate your reply and honesty.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by samyc123
    In saying that, do you feel like there is anything I could or should be doing to improve my situation?
    Not at this point, no.

    I think you've done all you can do. The rest would be totally up to her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No contact is not the get-your-ex-back gimmick you have clearly been reading about. She works like a dog in a high stress situation and she had to support you financially? It would be best for you to get gainful employment and start thinking of others and the difficulty of their circumstances. Reinvent yourself into a productive, independent, reliable man and give her time to cope with her work. She needs support from friends, family and colleagues right now, not trying to resuscitate a dead relationship.
    Originally Posted by samyc123
    She was supporting when we spoke because she's a caring person. In saying that, do you feel like no contact could work for me?

  9. 03-31-2020, 05:53 AM

  10. #18
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    Wiseman2,

    I misinterpreted your question. I thought you meant support me emotionally during the pandemic. She didn't support me financially.

  11. #19
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Here's what I want to say to you, in terms of the best step to take, knowing it's probably not what you want to hear: Do nothing.

    Sit with all this, feel all this. If you have an instinct to see about doing something to get her back—well, observe that instinct, but don't act on it. If you have an instinct to sleep with someone else to make this all go away—same thing. And so on, and so forth, with the some healthy steps (pushups, chats with friends, whatever) peppered in there to soften things. But just be in the exact place you're in, trusting that sitting in it for a bit will bring you far more clarity than trying to avoid it.

    Because honestly? I think what you're doing right now, more than anything, is just trying to avoid the weight of emotional discomfort. Breakups suck, always, whether we're the one doing the breaking or not. They are almost never a "clear" choice, even among people in the most absurd or abusive of dynamics, but a bit of a guess, a scary hunch. And with that guess? A void opens that invariably makes us second guess...well, just about everything. It's a head trip and a heart trip, but it's one you can handle. Trust that, and you'll be on a much more genuine path than one bent around lassoing back her affection and attention to avoid a lick of pain.

    If after 60 or 90 days of living your life, sitting in this place and whatever places that sitting leads you, without lurking on her social media feed or concocting strategies for a reunion, you find you're still longing for her? Well, okay. You revisit those thoughts then. But for the time being? Think of them as shrapnel, or the dust that swirls in the sky following an explosion. Par for the course of a breakup up. No one thinks clearly, or makes wise choices, right after bombs go off. Best to sit still, and let things settle. What feels critical in a state of panic is rarely critical when the panic fades.

    Once upon a time, not all that long ago, there was no such thing as blocking and following because there were no cell phones, no social media. I lived during that time, and I ain't that old. And you know what? Back then people broke up and some of them found their way back to each other. I did it once, at around your age, in fact. Difference was, people were able to actually go through a full breakup first, because there wasn't really a choice. Over was over. Hard, lonesome stuff, but it's in your wheelhouse, as a human, to be able to get through it. If there's something left in the tank of your connection with her—something to tap into down the line—think of accepting that this chapter is over, fully, as the only way to know what that something is.

  12. #20
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    Your answer just proves my point of specifically asking for your advice. It's the best I've received so all I can really say is thank you.

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