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Thread: I think my boyfriend is gay...

  1. #1
    horrorjordan's Avatar
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    I think my boyfriend is gay...

    A little bit of a backstory, my boyfriend of a year was over and took a shower and I tapped his phone to check the time when I saw he had a message from someone on Kik. Knowing what most people use Kik for I got a bad feeling and decided to go and get my phone and download the app, sync my contacts and boom. Underwear pictures for both his profile and background picture and his username was saying hes a bottom. I obviously get upset but being timid I kinda rush to get him back to his house and talk to him over text (might be weird to some of you but my anxiety will get so bad I legitimately wont be able to speak words). At first he tried to lie and say it was a really old account but I called him out and told him I saw he had notifications from the app. He eventually tells me he was questioning his sexuality and thinks heís bi but he wants to be with me. Long argument later I tell him iíll still talk to him but canít promise Iíll ever trust him or feel the same about him. About a month maybe two go by and heís a state over visiting family and Iím suspicious and obviously not trusting him still and decide to download Kik again and message his profile just a simple ďHi.Ē And surprise to me he messaged back all flirty. I text him again beyond hurt and this point and he begs me not to leave and heíll never do it again. I had gone through hell and back with this boy and didnt want to start over again after I distanced myself from friends and family. So Iím still with him. All of this is making me feel like Iím actually going CRAZY, Iíve downloaded and redownloaded Kik at least 20 times in the past 4 months making sure he hasnt been on that account but he couldíve always gotten a new one and gotten smarter about hiding it... So I started searching names that were similar to his Kik name, Snapchat, Instagram, even his ps4 name. When that wasnt good enough I started looking through gay Kik groupchat members looking for someone that looks like him. Iíve gone through hundreds of groups and profiles not sleeping because of it (tonights episode has me at 5am right now). I feel so paranoid and scared of finding something. But I donít know what else to do and obviously me not trusting him has effected our relationship, I lash out at him unintentionally because Iím still angry and hurt because of it all. I just canít get the thoughts of him sending pictures to older men (heís 17) and the fact he considered himself a bottom. I really dont know how to end this.. So Iíll just say thank you for reading and any advice is much appreciated.

  2. #2
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    You need to break up with him, OP.

    That's really all there is to it. This relationship isn't going to work, for all the reasons you already know.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. With this info, you need to get to a doctor/clinic for STD testing and end things with him. Let him figure this out on his own.

    Inform yourself of the risks of being with anyone who engages in male-to-male sex: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by horrorjordan
    Underwear pictures for both his profile and background picture and his username was saying hes a bottom. he was questioning his sexuality and thinks heís bi but he wants to be with me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    when someone cheats on you, apologizes and continues behind your back, you have no choice but to break up.

    You can't trust him bc he is not trust worthy. plain and simple.

    Being 17, is a confusing time for everyone in some respect or another. a lot is changing and you're just figuring life out.

    But you have a lot of people to meet and experiences to go through. And thats a good thing.

    Enjoy your life., your friends, other boys. This is a fun exciting time. As my dad once told me, "this is the best time of your life" Everything is just starting.

    You will date and fall for the wrong guys. The trick is to see they are the wrong guy, get away from them, and keep doing what's best for you. By that I mean :

    1. keeping yourself safe physically & emotionally
    2. working hard and smart to educate yourself and advance in a way that leads to financial independence

    So don't waste time being confused by some boyfriend that is a liar and a cheater. A liar and a cheater will not, does not, can not change. Know this.

    You entire life, you will find liars and cheaters, do not be their victim. When someone lies or cheats do not tolerate it. You have way too many opportunities at your feet.

    dump him and focus on what gives you happiness. Belief me, you have your whole life to deal with BS... He is NOT worth it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend is gay. You need to accept that.

    He is still in the denial stages and coming out stages. No doubt he's confused with all of it.

    The smartest and best thing you can do, is stop seeing him as a romantic partner and distance yourself. No matter how much you cry, beg, want him to be straight and to stay off of kik, it's not going to happen.

    At this point, all you can do is stay away to spare yourself more heartache.

  7. #6
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    All the checking up on him in the world isn't going to change him. You're really just looking for proof of what you already know: that he is cheating on you with men. I know you're hurt and disappointed, and you have a right to be, but it's time to think of yourself and the danger he's putting you in not to mention the disrespect of cheating on you and lying about it. This is not who or what you need in your life. Accept the situation for what it is and tell him you two are over, and block him so you can begin to heal.

  8. #7
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    He's is gay and is cheating on you.

    I hope that you are using condoms, as he is sleeping with others. If not, get tested immediately.

    He cannot change and you must accept this. End it, then block and delete. You cannot be friends.

    You deserve much better than this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Congratulations. As hurt as you are, you've just discovered that you are with the wrong guy so now you can break up, take the time to grieve, heal and then find a guy that knows he's not bi or gay but rather hetrosexual, a guy you can trust that he knows his sexual orientation and isn't still experimenting.

    You'll hurt for a while but that will pass with time and acceptance.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. With this info, you need to get to a doctor/clinic for STD testing and end things with him. Let him figure this out on his own.

    Inform yourself of the risks of being with anyone who engages in male-to-male sex: [Register to see the link]
    This also applies to straight sex. Everyone should be protected.


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