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Thread: Please help

  1. #1

    Please help

    My boyfriend well now ex has gone through a lot all his life, like he was abused growing up and things like that. Heís always been used to handling things on his own and shutting people out as Iíve gathered after talking with his life long friend and just from him opening up to me. When we first started dating he kept saying he wanted to do everything right by me and wanted to be good enough for me and all. He had gotten better at opening up and handling his anxiety. Well lately heís been really busy and has had a lot going on so heíd been distant and I was struggling with work stress and I would get upset with him about that which I shouldnít have then last Monday He broke up with me. He said he just has too much going on and I asked if we could just take a break a give it time and he said he'll think about it. He said he still loves me. . I don't know what to do. I'm just hurting so bad because he just kept saying I'm sorry while literally bawling his eyes out and it killed me to see him so hurt. Weíve been together for about 2 years and weíve never really had any problems. I genuinely donít know what to do but I really just want to fix things and I know we can get past this together if given the Chance. I donít know what to do. I know he needs space and all but I donít know how much or how long. The night before last he deleted picture we had together on his social media. I tried Messaging him that night saying I loved him and was there for him but he wouldnít reply. He was completely broken, crying and crying holding me so tight with one hand and gripping his steering wheel until his knuckles were white with the other hand. He could barley speak he was shaking from crying. He kept saying he didnít want to hurt me by having so much going on and kept apologizing and saying he loved me. I asked if he still wants a future with me like we had talked about and he said yes. I asked if we could just take a break and he said the best he could say is that heíd think about it

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I'm sorry, OP. I know this is hard to deal with.

    It sounds like he feels terribly guilty for hurting you, and perhaps angry at himself for not being honest about his fading feelings until now. You can't be there for him if he isn't asking for your help, so I would step back from any attempt to dry his tears. Likewise with trying to work on things. That needs to come from both parties and he currently isn't giving any indication that he wants to try to work it out. If he still wanted a future, he wouldn't have ended it. My guess is he said he did because he feels too guilty right now to say no.

    It's going to be very difficult, but take a big step back. You are going to need time away from him to help you see the situation more clearly too. Someone who shuts down when life gets tough isn't going to make a very reliable partner in the long-run.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    Yes you need to take a big step back and leave him alone. Dont text or call, he knows how to find you if he wants to. He sounds like he may need some therapy to work out his issues.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    If you know he wanted the breakup because he wants space, that's never the time to kick it up and pressure for answers. I'd back off and consider myself broken up with unless or until he ever decides he wants to contact you to reconcile. Otherwise, you won't be able to trust the outcome, so what good would trying to influence him do?

    Head high, and read my sig.


  6. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    New York
    I am going through the same thing right now. I feel very alone without him. My boyfriend(ex...) said he has lost feelings for me after being together for 3 years. I begged him to take a break and not fully leave me but he wouldnt, he said he needed space. We broke up last night, I still called him twice today. I have plunged myself into reading article after article after article on breakups and getting your ex back.

    We can not control their feelings. I hope I have the strength to stop communication after today in hopes that he comes back to me.


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