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Thread: Why do exes breadcrumb?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Hey, thanks for all your replies I'm definitely taking all your advice on.

    Throughout my responses to her I never acted like a friend and most of the time I acted disinterested, finished the conversation even when she double texted etc. So yeah I'm not just 'waiting in the wings to be her friend'.

    It did bother me that she cheated yes but I have worked through that and I have forgiven her for that. I do have a lot of forgiveness in my heart as well as love.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    By responding, it shows her that you have not let go. She has clearly shown you that she does not care about or respect you. Show yourself more love and value.

    I too have forgiveness for people who have hurt me, but it certainly does not mean that they are a part of my life. I do not keep toxicity around.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-28-2020 at 04:35 PM.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Exes breadcrumb because you allow it. The only thing that manipulators understand is ACTION. It doesnt matter how you ACT, you are still engaging her by remaining available to her. Yes, she uses you for attention, validation and as a plan B. You went from the main source to a backup source.

    Breadcrumbing and using you along with her current bf shows a huge lack of respect for the both of you. Shes using you guys. Take your attention away from her and see how quickly she disappears from your life without a fight. She does not love you. She isnt even emotionally available to you because her new man comes first. You come second or third. Juggling men is exhausting, and there are only so many hours in a day.

    As a former breadcrumber, I can tell you that there is NO future with this woman. The day will come when she will have no more use for you and she will discard you permanently. There is nothing that you can do to prevent this. Leave now before that happens. Save yourself further trauma. Even if you say you don't care or want friendship, she knows by your actions that deep down, you really DO.

    Example: An ex that I ran Into tried to act indifferent with me while we talked. But the fact that he stood out in the hot ass sun in his work uniform and talked to me for over an hour-- meant that he still "cared" on some level. He was working- and he didnt even have to stop to talk to me at all. Or he could've talked to me for 5 minutes. But he stood in 90 degree temps with me for over an hour. So him having a girlfriend didnt even matter at that point because he was still "entertaining" me. If he had one, he wasnt too happy with her. Just like you concluded that shes not happy with her new man since she's contacting you.

    I did enjoy his company while I was there. I was in a relationship that I had no Intention of leaving and he knew that. He knew that I was still with my boyfriend that I had when I dumped him. Even though I said differently, I could tell that he knew the truth because it was a recurring dynamic when we were together.How likely was it that things had changed 8 months later? And that's why I didn't trust his motives. Besides, he wasnt good side dude material anymore and it wasnt worth the trouble.

    Just like you know that shes still with him, no matter how unhappy she tells you she is. So we know that If you still entertain us knowing we have someone else, you still CARE. We also know that you cannot be trusted if you still entertain us. I know that I'm foul as hell with what I'm doing. If you are willing to remain open to me on ANY level knowing I have someone else- that means that you are foul just like we are and a doormat. If we do come back to you, you'll do to us what were doing and we cannot have that.(You could simply still care for us and not be foul at all but we wont see it that way)

    This is why you need to leave. See this for what it really is. Grow a backbone. Go no contact. People break up and get back together all the time. But if an ex comes back to you after a breakup and they have someone new, NOTHING GOOD will come of it. You are in a love triangle thats going nowhere. People get killed over these situations daily.

    Your ex is in a who*e phase in her life right now. She will one day mature and stop playing those games. Double lives are exhausting. And she will then find one partner. But she will never return to you, if that's what you're secretly hoping. Not because she didnt care, but because most people want someone that has self respect. We wont respect you if you dont respect yourself. If you ask to come back to our team(our harem of guys, former and current) we may give you a seat on the bench with the others if we feel you can benefit us some way without being too much of a problem with our new man. But when we grow, mature, and realize that we want a real relationship, you wont even enter into the equation. Good luck to you. (Sorry for the third person)
    Ps. There are quite a few good men(loyal, honest, thoughtful, hard working and stable) that love dramatic, crazy, whorish, mentally unstable women. Youd be surprised how many men leave these tumultuous relationships only to find themselves bored and missing the woman. They miss the drama, the sex, and the highs and lows. They tend to be "fixers.". Please get away and stay away from that dramatic, noncommittal woman. Do some self reflection on why you entertained her and continue to do so.
    Last edited by smJackson; 03-29-2020 at 09:58 AM.

  4. #14
    Member NightFairy12's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2020
    I think this is way more than bread-crumbing (daily contact, selfies, deep conversations?) it sounds like she may have realized she made a mistake but is too chicken to own it and leave the current relationship. Why did you guys break up?


  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Perspective has a lot to do with healing after a break up. Lets figure out what is true this very moment.
    Is she with you in a relationship? No
    Is she an X? Yes
    So as we can see, you two are not in a relationship and she is an X, which means you do not have to care what she says or does or with who they do things with. Its no longer your concern.
    As far as perspective.. If you believe they are breadcrumbs, then they are breadcrumbs. If you don't see them as breadcrumbs then they are not breadcrumbs. In other words, if you believe its important then it is important.
    As others have posted, the reason why your x sends you messages is numerous. I can list about 54 reasons but it doesn't really matter because she is an X. But as long as you reply, she will continue to communicate with you because it makes her feel good. If you reply, you reward her, you make her feel good at your expense.
    So if you want the X to stop, just don't reply. Your X will eventually get the message and stop or find someone else. Its not instant and its going to take time for this to happen. Sooooooo in the meantime, if your X sends a message, relax, breathe, accept that your X did send a message but don't question why, just accept. Then you read it and then delete it and you don't think about it again.
    Its easier said than done, but in time youll get used to it. Just don't dwell on it. Remember.. part of healing is about perception.

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