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Thread: I think I have a problem with managing emotions

  1. #1
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    I think I have a problem with managing emotions

    Hello. I am a female in her late teens, and I do a lot of things that indicates that I probably have a problem with managing my emotions.
    First, I have these bursts of frustration that are usually triggered by very insignificant things. Sometimes I would throw something against my wall because I suddenly remember that I dislike the way I look, or hit a random object because my hair wonít turn out the way I want it to, basically throwing tantrums over minor inconveniences. Iíve never done this when Iím in front of people, however, I sometimes snap or throw a non-physical tantrum(if that makes any sense) whenever Iím unable to do something everyone else is, or anything that makes me feel humiliated.
    I also overall just have low self-esteem which most people my age are supposed to have gotten over by now, and I find it extremely difficult to build and maintain friendships because I avoid people and I donít know how to show any personality to others. Needless to say, Iíve never been in a relationship despite having people that has shown interest in me. And I feel like thereís a wall between myself and the outside world, I donít know how else to describe it.
    This is all very embarrassing and pretty concerning to me. I know I need to stop acting like this, but I canít, and I donít know why Iím like this in the first place.
    Sorry for being all over the place, but any advice or comments about similar experiences would be much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're going through this, chippie008.

    You're a young lady. Try not to be so hard on yourself because you have a lifetime of learning and maturing ahead of you.

    As for temper outbursts such as throwing objects, change the way you think. It starts with knowing that you do not like yourself following your outbursts. You've lost respect for yourself so try very hard to exercise self control. With practice, you will learn that you can't control a lot in life but you can control your own actions. Over time, you will pat yourself on the back knowing you behaved decently by not angrily hurling objects across the room.

    Low self esteem is quite common at your age. I had low self esteem as a teenager, too. Give yourself time to develop your own being whether it's education, career, hobbies, sports, intellectual pursuits and the like. You will eventually be with people whom you can relate to.

    Try not to be self conscious. When you step outside yourself, your self confidence will soar and you won't preoccupy yourself about what other people think anymore.

    When people show interest in you, relax and divert the focus away from you onto them by engaging in conversation, asking about them and everyone loves to be a talker. If you can be a great listener (which is the easy part btw), you'll make fast friends.

    I was painfully shy when I was a youngster. Then I said, "To heck with it" and focused on myself. I worked hard at all endeavors, rose above the crowd, became their boss and suddenly I had a world of friends. Do what I did and you'll be pushing through an open door.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need a doctor

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    Thank you for your kind reply. I guess working towards feeling less-self conscious and learning to express my feelings would be the way to fix myself.

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    You mean I should see a therapist or something?
    Tbh you might be right, but I find it hard to do that at the moment. Thanks for your reply anyways.

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    Have you shared your feelings with your parents, OP?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, check with your doctor for a complete evaluation for mood or hormone related issues as well as a referral to a therapist to help sort out the mood and violence issues. With help, you could start feeling better and gain insight into your persistent negative feelings.
    Originally Posted by chippie008
    You mean I should see a therapist or something?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The good news is that you're self aware and light years ahead of a lot of people who choose to defend their behaviors instead of recognizing them as undesirable. That's a great starting point. Your school likely has a counselor on campus or regionally available, and this service is likely covered by your family's taxes or tuition payments. So I'd start by contacting either your school's guidance department or nurse for a referral to mental health counseling.

    This would gain you access to a professional who is specifically trained to help people your age bridge the transition from adolescence to adulthood. (People commonly believe that adolescence ends at age 18, but it can actually last through mid 20's.) You might find it a relief to learn that you're not alone, and life skills such as learning impulse control and mastery over a shaky sense of self worth are pretty common and can be taught.

    If I could give my younger self advice on how to navigate my teenage years, it would be 'reach for some help from someone older, preferably a counselor or therapist'. Would this have solved all of my problems? No. It would have taught me how to better solve them myself, and from this I would have developed more confidence in my own judgment and coping skills.

    You are smart enough to recognize what you want to improve, so hire the right teacher for this, or befriend an adult mentor who you admire and can trust to help you navigate emotionally and socially. Meanwhile, research books and articles on transitioning into adulthood to learn more about the life skills you will want to develop--and how to go about it. You will thank yourself later.

    Head high.

  10. #9
    Member ComfyHoodie's Avatar
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    Let me just start by saying you are % not alone. I used to be and (sometimes) still am the exact same way. I get depressed and angry easily sometimes. Over tiny little things. I totally understand how you feel. It just takes time. Youíll start to get some control over your emotions as you grow older. Iím almost 29 and there are a lot of things I wish I had done differently. I hold a lot of anger and resentment inside. It gets worse around the times that my period starts but as you age you find yourself more on an even plain. But itís the OTHER PEOPLE who will bring out the monster. For me itís my bf. Sometimes I just wana punch his stupid face in. Well, anyway. My point is, youíre definitely not alone. And as sucky as it is. It just takes time. And itís ok to feel that anger. Let it out. Cry, scream, throw stuff. It helps. Us girls are tough. We can cry buckets of tears and walk out of our room like nothing happened. Try to see if some ing guys can do that. No! I feel like thereís a lot I want to say but Iíll just start rambling lol. Hang tough girl. Youíre a boss.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you have seen a doctor and get ongoing therapy support. This is within you it's not about bashing men. As long as you think men are "f-ing guys" and "they bring it out in you", you'll never have control over your feelings or have peace.

    That is deep inside you,and not anyone's fault except whoever is not treating this. Were you from an abusive home? Abuse is often learned and "They made me do it" is classic abuser thinking along with throwing things, violence, anger, etc. End things with your bf until you get proper treatment.
    Originally Posted by ComfyHoodie
    But itís the OTHER PEOPLE who will bring out the monster.


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