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Thread: My boyfriend was told that he is a father now from his abusive ex.

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by sgtpepper
    Self-medicate?
    Self medicate means to use something that resembles medication to have the same effects as medicine. It's an expression -some self-medicate with food -they use food as a medicine to lift their spirits/feel better. Others use alcohol. Perhaps you use sex for this purpose?

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What kind of drugs do he and his friends use? Is this a crack-house they all live in?
    He didn't live in a crack house. He just lived with his abusive ex in a nice apartment and he had to be paying rent and other utilities because she didn't want to get a job or help out. He would get drugs from his friends that he used to work with and have done it after work or hang at a friends house when he used to work graveyards.
    Last edited by sgtpepper; 04-01-2020 at 04:58 PM.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Self medicate means to use something that resembles medication to have the same effects as medicine. It's an expression -some self-medicate with food -they use food as a medicine to lift their spirits/feel better. Others use alcohol. Perhaps you use sex for this purpose?
    I have self-medicated with sex before, but I stopped doing so. I just wanted to be in a stable relationship especially with him. We didn't have sex that much because I told him in the beginning that I was afraid and I just wanted to be meaningful and he agreed and understood.

  4. #44
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    In a short 56 days of hanging out with him , why do you “know” so much about him and why did that “knowledge” not make you run as far away from him as possible???

    Someone’s past is their past , they can’t help that. But for them to so readily tell a stranger (you) about it suggests that their past is still in the present and therefore are not in a place to start a relationship nevermind a successful one.

    It sounds like neither you or him has dealt with your past or overcome it.
    That’s why you both have unsuccessful relationships time and time again.

    Do NOT consider entering a relationship until YOU have dealt with your issues with professional help.

    Only then can you actually make wise choices in a partner.

    Seriously you it seems believe that you both would be fine if he had only worn a condom in his 5 year relationship???
    Why would you be relieved about an sti check being negative if he had worn a condom in the 56 days you were together???

    That does not make sense at all!!

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Therapy and social support would help a lot more than sex and drugs.
    Originally Posted by sgtpepper
    I have self-medicated with sex before

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    In a short 56 days of hanging out with him , why do you “know” so much about him and why did that “knowledge” not make you run as far away from him as possible???

    Someone’s past is their past , they can’t help that. But for them to so readily tell a stranger (you) about it suggests that their past is still in the present and therefore are not in a place to start a relationship nevermind a successful one.

    It sounds like neither you or him has dealt with your past or overcome it.
    That’s why you both have unsuccessful relationships time and time again.

    Do NOT consider entering a relationship until YOU have dealt with your issues with professional help.

    Only then can you actually make wise choices in a partner.

    Seriously you it seems believe that you both would be fine if he had only worn a condom in his 5 year relationship???
    Why would you be relieved about an sti check being negative if he had worn a condom in the 56 days you were together???

    That does not make sense at all!!
    All do respect I don't understand your concern? Or if it makes sense? I'm rereading it over and over and I don't understand about the STI part? Everything came back negative and that is all I am happy about. Everyone has a past and some seek help but others are afraid too or can't afford it. I can't afford therapy right now. That is why I'm typing my problems here because this is the support and other websites that I can relive myself. Yes I need professional help thanks alot. I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. But I can't right now. Look we broke it off last week. It's done and over with. We haven't talked or anything. And I'm trying help myself get better. Physical, emotional and mentally. So what I'm doing now is avoid getting involved with anyone. I'm trying, give me credit. Plus I was with him because I didn't care about his past. He made mistakes but I can see that he was trying to improve himself but his past overpowered him and I understood. Like come on. Think of someone who has been in a terrible relationship that you absolutely disapproved but they felt like it didn't matter because they felt happy for some reason and you wonder why?

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Therapy and social support would help a lot more than sex and drugs.
    And that is why I am here to have that support.

  9. #48
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    Wow. That is a crazy story. I’m sorry to hear all of this. Unfortunately. Yes. If that is his baby. He will forever be tied to that girl. You just have to ask yourself, he is worth all the trouble?? If you get a lingering sense that he will end of cheating on you with her, you’re probably right. That sounds horrid but if he is already showing signs of anger or resentment towards you after the baby, the girl will work her way back into his arms. I hate to lay it down like this but because your guys relationship is so young. You probably don’t hold as much value to him as his ex does. Stay strong girl. And move on. ♥️

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